# HELP...Prayers Needed....Dealbreaker for Marriage.



## CenterMass06 (Jun 14, 2009)

Hi folks, don't know where to start.  I apologize if there is no rhyme or reason to this note.  I am just saying what's on my mind.  Been married to a wonderful woman with some baggage for over five years.  From the beginning, it has been struggle, but managable.  Before we were even engaged, we had both made sure that we were on the same page regarding children.  She wanted at least one, I wanted two or more.  I compromised and we got engaged, and then we got married in due time.  Our first year of marriage was with me in Afghanistan for 18 months.  Not a healthy first year of marriage but we made it work.  I am now 37....... We do not have any kids.  She has decided that she does not want to have kids. 

I have a great secure job, the best benefits anywhere. I am a loyal husband whom would do anything for her or the relationship.  I have always put her number one, sometimes to the point of financial irresponsibility (that's on me).  I have put her through school.  I have rebuilt her credit.  I come from a loving two parent family.  She comes from a broken home whom calls only when they need something or need to vent.  I am super close to my family and she is not to hers and resents always having to do things with my family. (One of many other issues)

She is animate about not having children.  When we talk about the subject, she is worried about her health during the process (understandable), but is more concerned with HER INDIVIDUAL LIFESTYLE being changed.  She likes her freedom, likes her job and the possibilites for advancment.  Of course it will change.  I am willing to do whatever to make it happen, but she is not.  She can be a very self-centered person at times.  One of the reasons for getting married as it has been since the start of time, is to start a family.  I have repeatedly told her that I want kids not only for my happiness, but to bring someone else into this world that I can raise as my own.  Someone whom I can bring into this world, teach them and raise them right, and put another productive human being into society.  She is still sticking to her guns.  I don’t want to push her into having kids and then having her resenting me or the kid for the decision.  Or vice versus….

She has a lot of other issues that I am sure are weighing her down.  I have tried to help her talk about things, help out in any way that I can, but I am at my wits end.  I have told her that these issues that she has she needs to go to counseling.  She agrees, but then never makes the appointment.  She states she will not go to counseling with me, only by herself.  We have talked about adoption, but I am not a fan.  I would like to have and raise my own children.  We both are at the point where we both think that the only issue is to get a divorce.  I think that it will be an amiable divorce if we decide on that route.  With us wanting to do what is best for each other with no harm intended.  I have placed this on the lord’s shoulders hour by hour and believe that he may be guiding me out of this relationship.  This situation is stressing not only our lives, but my faith as well.  So send some prayer our way, we could use it.  Anyone else that has experienced this predicament or is in the same situation please shoot me a PM.  God bless.


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## Lorri (Jun 14, 2009)

My prayers for both of you.  Don't give up on your faith - you need God more than ever now - talk to God turn it over to God he will guide you through it and walk with you to.  You can't make someone go to counseling but you can go yourself.  Stay in church  - find someone at church to talk to - sure there are others in the church that are going through the same thing or have gone through it that can help you.

Children are a wonderful gift from God - I know I have two beautiful daughters but to bring children into this world and not give them the time, love, etc. that they need would be wrong.


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## Woody's Janitor (Jun 14, 2009)

Prayers are sent.


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## BRIAN1 (Jun 14, 2009)

prayers sent. it will happen if it is in GOD'S Plan.

brian1


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## redneckcamo (Jun 14, 2009)

sounds like her mind is made up too me !

The next decision is yours if you dont wanna adopt .... you have a choice too make that I am glad isnt mine ! 

may the LORD lead an guide you too it !


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## crackerdave (Jun 14, 2009)

I know there are always two sides to every story.I pray you will open your heart and mind to God's guidance in your relationship with your wife,and that she will do the same.It honestly sounds to me like it would not be wise to bring children into the picture until your differences are resolved and you are sure you want to spend the rest of your lives raising them -  together.


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## Paymaster (Jun 14, 2009)

My Prayers are added.


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## gtparts (Jun 15, 2009)

This is just my suggestion, but it appears to me that a Christian family counselor is needed. You may have to find the right person. Under the circumstances, I would seek a woman. Make an appointment for yourself, being open and honest about the problem. If agreeable, set up a second appt. for your wife...alone. Make it clear to the counselor that you are to be called in for a joint session ONLY if your wife agrees. Understand that this may never provide you with the answers you may want. Your wife's session will undoubtedly be confidential. Your wife may never share any or all of her concerns, nor will she necessarily allow the counselor to share them with you independently. The answer is in what she comes to understand about herself and her relationship to you. God has a solution and a plan for both of you....together. As the husband, God has placed upon you the responsibility for doing all you can to preserve and nurture your marriage, with or without children. It may not be easy (probably quite difficult ) but if we are obedient and faithful, God never allows us to be overcome by our circumstances while we place ourselves in His care.

God bless you and your wife in the days ahead.


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## muskiehunter (Jun 22, 2009)

prayers are sent.  Keep your faith in GOD..  He will lead you through.


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## g-man (Jun 23, 2009)

Praying


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## Jasper (Jun 23, 2009)

Prayers sent!


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## NoOne (Jun 24, 2009)

prayers sent


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## Kjunman (Jun 24, 2009)

God never gives you more than you can handle. Keep the faith, pray hard and listen to God. He will guide you in the right direction. Most important to remember, God ALWAYS opens a door when another is closed. I should know, I'm 51 and have a 6 y.o. son who is the light of my life. Nothing is more rewarding than having him look up to me for his needs or him just curling up next to me on the couch and falling asleep. Hope things work out for you!


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## dominantpredator (Jun 24, 2009)

Prayers sent.....however, marriage is more than that. That wedding ring symbolizes more than you are seeing. I love my children with all my heart and soul; but, it was me and her first. And according to the bible, with marriage, two become one. Your children will grow up and move away to leave the two as one again. Like I said, prayers sent and I hope for your sake everything works in your favor. By the way, I am not pointing a finger at you for talking divorce. The lord knows I have my own problems and fall short of his glory daily. Good luck to you and your wife.


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