# A part of me died today.  Saying bye to my buddy.



## egomaniac247 (Nov 8, 2015)

In May 2001 I picked her up in Farmville, VA as a 2-3 month old pup.  

I watched her go from not being able to jump up onto the bed to being able to jump OVER the bed in her prime years, back to not being able to jump up on the bed in her latter years.

This dog was with me my entire adult life up until today.  She's been my best friend from the time I had $1.52 in my bank account to about 8 promotions to the point that we live a very comfortable and blessed life now.  

We've moved and lived in 6 houses, 3 different states.

One of those types of dogs that was never taught to but walked at your heels every step you took.   One of those types of dogs that regardless of how angry, stupid, ignorant you got in life, looked up at you with sheer admiration and unconditional love.

RIP Winnie.  

I feel like I betrayed you today as you fought for your last breath, but you were in so much pain and I just couldn't bear to see you like this.  Deaf, blind, incontinent....

You will always be the strong-nosed (find any treat strategically hidden under laundry), strong swimming (even when you fell out of the boat at Briery Creek lake), and most gentle kind loving spirit I've ever encountered on this planet.

God speed my friend.  I want to see kiss your cold nose again some day, my best friend..


To paraphrase Will Rogers,
"“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go Winnie went.”


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## carver (Nov 8, 2015)

Brought a tear to my eye,RIP Winnie
prayers sent to you and your family


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## egomaniac247 (Nov 8, 2015)

It dawned on me after writing it that in 15 years of ownership I never once heard her growl.  Never.


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## revrandyf (Nov 8, 2015)

I understand your loss only too well.  I had to put the bulldog in my avatar down on Oct 13th and it still hurts greatly.  I hope and pray you can hold on to those precious memories Winnie left with you.


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## bamaboy (Nov 8, 2015)

Such sadness, Rest In Peace Winnie. I have had to do this 3 times, it never gets easier, I will say a Prayer for you


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## egomaniac247 (Nov 8, 2015)

Thank you.

For those who've been through this before, do you have guilt that you feel like you betrayed them?  That maybe you let them go too soon?  I just hope she understood why we were doing what we did.


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## Old Winchesters (Nov 8, 2015)

Its tough to deal with - tougher than I ever imagined. Cherish the memories.  RIP Winnie....


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## egomaniac247 (Nov 8, 2015)

I really didn't think it would hit me that hard.  I grew up out in the boonies where dogs got rabies shots at the fire dept and that was just about it.....they were on their own after that aside from food & water.

But watching her fall asleep and then petting her head while she breathed heavy just turned on the water works, I couldn't hold it back.

It just sucks thinking she was alive this morning, despite her ailments following me around the yard smiling/panting.


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## Mumpy (Nov 9, 2015)

egomaniac247 said:


> I really didn't think it would hit me that hard.  I grew up out in the boonies where dogs got rabies shots at the fire dept and that was just about it.....they were on their own after that aside from food & water.
> 
> But watching her fall asleep and then petting her head while she breathed heavy just turned on the water works, I couldn't hold it back.
> 
> It just sucks thinking she was alive this morning, despite her ailments following me around the yard smiling/panting.



I’m sorry for your loss friend. I’ve had to do this so many times in my life that it pains me deeply to even read that someone else has to go through it. My Buddy, who I had to put down for very similar reasons that you listed wagged his tail on his final breath. Muscle reactions?  Maybe, but I find it a little comforting believing that he was no longer in pain and had reached the other side. Again, I’m sorry for your loss and hope your sorrow turns to remembering how good you made it for her.


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## smokey30725 (Nov 9, 2015)

egomaniac247 said:


> Thank you.
> 
> For those who've been through this before, do you have guilt that you feel like you betrayed them?  That maybe you let them go too soon?  I just hope she understood why we were doing what we did.



I've had to put 3 dogs down in the last 3 years, the most recent being 3 weeks ago. There definitely is a twinge of guilt as you watch them slip away, but when you know in your heart that this was the kindest, most responsible thing to do, you will overcome that feeling. Our animals are only with us for a few years, yet their time with us is THEIR whole life. I rest assured that even though it brought immense pain and sadness to do so, helping mine on to the other side was the right thing to do. Trust me, I don't care how "manly" a guy thinks he is, watching your best friend go to sleep is guaranteed to bring out the tears. I sobbed over my last one and didn't leave the room until someone came and got her. I refused to leave her on that cold table. It's the least I could do for her. It will get better, and time will truly heal that void you feel. I sometimes think the level of pain we feel at their loss is closely related to how much love we had for them during their life. Grieve as much as you need. You're in like-minded company here.


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## egomaniac247 (Nov 10, 2015)

Thank you so much Smokey...I look at pics of her and even just in the 2 days it's been since she's been gone the feeling of guilt and sorrow has subsided somewhat....but every once in a while I think "she'd still be alive today if I hadn't made that call".

I know, the quality of life was poor.  And she deserved better than that.



> Trust me, I don't care how "manly" a guy thinks he is, watching your best friend go to sleep is guaranteed to bring out the tears.



Amen.  I was strong with the vet, told a few stories about her without choking up.  But when I saw my dog breathing her last breaths and the vet stepped out of the room to go get a stretcher it was involuntary....tears fell from my eyes even though I wasn't even trying to cry.  

God I wish we humans could be 1/2 as understanding and peaceful as a good dog.  That old lab saw & heard me to do & say some awful things over the last 15 years.  But she never stopped looking at me as if I was the greatest thing on earth.

REALLY appreciate all the comforting words here guys & gals.  Thank you, from our family.


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## smokey30725 (Nov 10, 2015)

You're welcome bud. The good folks on here helped my family get through losing our most recent one. It was a shock because she was perfectly happy and healthy when we left for work and was partially paralyzed when we got home. We still don't know what happened, but something affected her spine. I checked her for a snake bite but couldn't find one. We'll never know, but we do know we did what was right by her. We owed her that much.


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## Hornet22 (Nov 10, 2015)

egomaniac247 said:


> Amen.
> 
> God I wish we humans could be 1/2 as understanding and peaceful as a good dog.
> 
> ...


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## Hooked On Quack (Nov 10, 2015)

So sorry for the loss of your family member.  I like dogs more than I do people.


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## chocolate dog (Nov 10, 2015)

A tough loss    So sorry.  RIP Winnie


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## Horns (Nov 10, 2015)

I've felt that same grief and guilt. I had to do the same with my jack russell December 2 will be two years ago. It is hard as heck. My girl was having seizures. She had 4 the last day. I know you have heard it before but it does get better. Time makes you realize that you had her best interest at heart. Keep your head up!


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## caughtinarut (Nov 15, 2015)

I'm afraid that decision for me will be here soon. I'm going to have to take one of my border collies in to remove a tumor. I'm afraid it may be cancerous. She does not seem to be in pain now but she is 12. I have her sister too. I have been wondering how much it will affect the other when one passes. I am sorry for your loss but She knew how much you loved her and that is what matters.


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## The Flying Duckman (Nov 16, 2015)

Sorry for your loss.  Memories and a pup will help ease the pain.


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## StriperrHunterr (Nov 18, 2015)

I cried like a baby when we had to put my buddy down back around 2000. He had been my best friend while I was growing up myself. He had gotten in pretty bad shape towards the end and couldn't control his bowels and had a lot of blood in it when he went. We knew we were doing the right thing when we took him in, but even now the memory of him looking up at me at the end wondering what was happening is enough to get me to choke up. 

Even knowing that's a possibility with another pup we still got 2 more, and fate decided we should foster a 3rd until we can find her a home. I think that speaks to the bond between a dog and their human, that it is so strong and beyond words that we'll knowingly go into it again just to have that bond again. 

I agree, people would be a lot better off if we all behaved a little more like our dogs.


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## Meriwether Mike (Nov 18, 2015)

We should count ourselves lucky if we own a couple of good dogs in our lives. Sorry to hear your story.


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## Maydog (Nov 18, 2015)

I feel your pain brother. Just went through with my lab May on 10/22/15. May got cancer in her spinal cord and couldn't walk without help. I spent a bunch of money and time trying to keep her alive, 
 I'd spend it again if it would have helped her. She progressively got worse to the point of being incontinent and I could tell that was bothering her bad, the way she would look at me as if saying I'm sorry man. Putting her down was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Her only being eight, I hoped she would have been around several more years. I still tear up thinking about it and miss her tremendously but know I did the right thing.


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## dwnhillslide (Nov 27, 2015)

That's a hard pain to carry, I've lost a few dogs in my life and it never gets any easier and you can't prepare for it. Someone once said that heaven is a place where every dog you've ever had is there to meet you. Bless you my friend!


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## pine nut (Feb 22, 2016)

Been there and done that too my friend and since I was a vet for forty years I had to do it for some of my own. I did it because I owed them! Please listen to what I'm going to say to you.  First though let me assure you that what you did was for her.  It was not for you and that big hole in your heart is my proof.  It is the last kind thing you can do for them.  You decided to hurt and let her go.  Think about it... that is what the Lord did for us in a sense.  He paid a debt we owed and could not pay.  You obviously loved her deeply,  we all see that, and I'll bet she does too.  Notice I said does not did! There is nothing for her to forgive you for... you did what was right and best for her.  She would not want you to hurt.  My dogs have all, and always, been sensitive to my sorrow no matter what the cause.  Bet you she was to yours too!  My point is you loved each other and you still do, but you cannot be together now except in your mind and heart.
I want you to realize that we have an unlimited supply of love to give and to receive, and that a new pup will comfort you, and at the same time, honor her memory by reminding you of her at all the stages of her life.  If she's watching you, do you think she'll be jealoused up, or maybe she'll be thinking I did my job well?  She both loved you, and taught you to love.  I suggest you give that some thought, and go find another dog to share life with!  The new one does not repace the old one, but rather , they sit side by side in your heart, and there has never been a pup that couldn't climb into your lap, lick your face and not make you feel better!
There will be tears for a while, but again Winnie would not want you to suffer, and she'd be pleased to see you with another to love. Don't feel guilty about it.  
My dogs taught me this lesson, and I am only passing it on.  God bless you and your family.  I choose to believe we will see those who are dear to us in heaven and I don't know how the "lion and the lamb will lie down together", if they aren't there.  Nothing in this world but God and your Mother love you like your dog does.  Peace to you brother, peace to you.


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## fixitfred (Feb 22, 2016)

Sorry to hear the bad news.  It's amazing what dogs can do for you or to you.

Keep the memories and time to build new ones.


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## Nicodemus (Feb 23, 2016)

pine nut said:


> Been there and done that too my friend and since I was a vet for forty years I had to do it for some of my own. I did it because I owed them! Please listen to what I'm going to say to you.  First though let me assure you that what you did was for her.  It was not for you and that big hole in your heart is my proof.  It is the last kind thing you can do for them.  You decided to hurt and let her go.  Think about it... that is what the Lord did for us in a sense.  He paid a debt we owed and could not pay.  You obviously loved her deeply,  we all see that, and I'll bet she does too.  Notice I said does not did! There is nothing for her to forgive you for... you did what was right and best for her.  She would not want you to hurt.  My dogs have all, and always, been sensitive to my sorrow no matter what the cause.  Bet you she was to yours too!  My point is you loved each other and you still do, but you cannot be together now except in your mind and heart.
> I want you to realize that we have an unlimited supply of love to give and to receive, and that a new pup will comfort you, and at the same time, honor her memory by reminding you of her at all the stages of her life.  If she's watching you, do you think she'll be jealoused up, or maybe she'll be thinking I did my job well?  She both loved you, and taught you to love.  I suggest you give that some thought, and go find another dog to share life with!  The new one does not repace the old one, but rather , they sit side by side in your heart, and there has never been a pup that couldn't climb into your lap, lick your face and not make you feel better!
> There will be tears for a while, but again Winnie would not want you to suffer, and she'd be pleased to see you with another to love. Don't feel guilty about it.
> My dogs taught me this lesson, and I am only passing it on.  God bless you and your family.  I choose to believe we will see those who are dear to us in heaven and I don't know how the "lion and the lamb will lie down together", if they aren't there.  Nothing in this world but God and your Mother love you like your dog does.  Peace to you brother, peace to you.





Thank you for this post. While I am not ready for another dog, and won`t for a good spell, it is what I needed to read during this time.


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## mrs. hornet22 (Feb 23, 2016)

Great post. I had to take my dog of 17 years to be put to sleep per the vet's request (her little heart was just giving out) a few days after my Mama went to Heaven. It doesn't make it any better.


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## chase870 (Feb 25, 2016)

Sorry to hear that very sorry indeed. You did the right thing to stop her pain. I have no doubt of the bond you had with her, and its special. People who don't have a dog don't understand it. I'm not far behind you with my Fat Girl Friend.


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## Redbow (Feb 26, 2016)

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend. My Wife and I have been there many times and we know how hard it is to let them go. I kinda figure we will see them again in another time and a much better place where time for everything will never end.


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## Maydog (Feb 29, 2016)

Wow! I really needed to hear this message Pine Nut. It's been four months since I had to go through the heart breaking situation with my lab and had some of the same doubts and feelings Egomaniac is having and it's not a good feeling. I did rescue a new pup a couple of months ago and am enjoying see her go through all her phases, both good and bad. It's taking some time to not compare her to May when she is bad though. Ha Ha.


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