# Funerals



## 1gr8bldr (Aug 20, 2011)

Preachers ponder over this and rethink how you might better honor the death of a member by knowing what not to do. A couple years ago, one of the sweetest ladies of the church that I was part of for most of my life, died near the age of 60. The man who preached the sermon was a my age and been in this church most of his life and had gone to seminary and become a paid staff. He was over zealous about preaching. This lady had so much to call to remembrance, yet you would have hardly realized that it was her funeral. The funeral should have honored her for who she was, what she had done, the love she had for others, the love she displayed for Jesus,etc, etc. But hardly nothing but preaching. There are plenty of opportunities for that. Why, her life and what she had, joy and strong faith, was a message in itself. The only reference to her life was this, she was over weight, the preacher said I can see her woddle down these steps and plop down in the pew. That was so disrespectful. This lady, played the organ for years, sang in the chior for more years. Her joy was to sing for the Lord. She was not a great singer, she knew this, but loved to sing. She smiled in that chior. Most times the only one, but it was her joy to be up there. She worked for PTL for many years when it was getting off the ground, before it became corrupt. She was a constant glow. Just full of joy, but what for, where did it come from. She had bad health, lived poor, small home, etc. So where did her joy come from. She had many kin at the funeral. Maybe this was the preachers motive, to impress everyone with his ability to preach. All he had to do is call to remembrance all the joy and contitment that this lady had, and asked them to ponder why it was so. They would have lined up for some of what she had. I was furious that here homegoing celebration did not include here or here life. So much there. I understand that some funnerals are tough because sometimes the preacher does not have a relationship with the deceased, but this was not the case here. Preachers ponder this. Make sure you never do this. Honor the saints, their life is the best witness, we as Christians have.


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## Ronnie T (Aug 20, 2011)

1gr8bldr said:


> Preachers ponder over this and rethink how you might better honor the death of a member by knowing what not to do. A couple years ago, one of the sweetest ladies of the church that I was part of for most of my life, died near the age of 60. The man who preached the sermon was a my age and been in this church most of his life and had gone to seminary and become a paid staff. He was over zealous about preaching. This lady had so much to call to remembrance, yet you would have hardly realized that it was her funeral. The funeral should have honored her for who she was, what she had done, the love she had for others, the love she displayed for Jesus,etc, etc. But hardly nothing but preaching. There are plenty of opportunities for that. Why, her life and what she had, joy and strong faith, was a message in itself. The only reference to her life was this, she was over weight, the preacher said I can see her woddle down these steps and plop down in the pew. That was so disrespectful. This lady, played the organ for years, sang in the chior for more years. Her joy was to sing for the Lord. She was not a great singer, she knew this, but loved to sing. She smiled in that chior. Most times the only one, but it was her joy to be up there. She worked for PTL for many years when it was getting off the ground, before it became corrupt. She was a constant glow. Just full of joy, but what for, where did it come from. She had bad health, lived poor, small home, etc. So where did her joy come from. She had many kin at the funeral. Maybe this was the preachers motive, to impress everyone with his ability to preach. All he had to do is call to remembrance all the joy and contitment that this lady had, and asked them to ponder why it was so. They would have lined up for some of what she had. I was furious that here homegoing celebration did not include here or here life. So much there. I understand that some funnerals are tough because sometimes the preacher does not have a relationship with the deceased, but this was not the case here. Preachers ponder this. Make sure you never do this. Honor the saints, their life is the best witness, we as Christians have.



150 % agree.
It is a funeral for goodness sakes.  There's a dead body in front of you.  If it's the remains of a saint tell everyone about how God touched their life.
Save your sermon and doctrine and theology for another occasion.
This event for for the surviving family members.  The sad little grandchildren and the children.  Or the husband or wife.
Comfort them.
No matter what you might think, it is not the perfect time to preach the Gospel...... except in the life of that dead person.

Sorry, I got carried away.


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## StriperAddict (Aug 21, 2011)

Agreed, both posts.

When and if God calls me to eulogize a christian friend again, I won't bring up the 4 spiritual laws.  It's such a privilege to talk about that person's life and how they impacted yours.  It ends up being more encouraging as far as faith, too.


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## CAL (Aug 21, 2011)

Tell you all what I saw once in a funeral.This ladies brother had died and the funeral had become a preaching rather than a celebration of the persons life.The sister stood up during the sermon in the presence of some 150 people and told the preacher he had not made proper comments about her brothers life and to please do so and refrain from preaching till Sunday.This was her brothers funeral!
This really happened.The Sister was a school teacher and one of the finest ladies in the community.Many students going to school under her would have never known to stand in the presence of a lady in a room or open a door for a lady plus table manners had it not been for her teaching.


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## Dr. Strangelove (Aug 21, 2011)

CAL said:


> Tell you all what I saw once in a funeral.This ladies brother had died and the funeral had become a preaching rather than a celebration of the persons life.The sister stood up during the sermon in the presence of some 150 people and told the preacher he had not made proper comments about her brothers life and to please do so and refrain from preaching till Sunday.This was her brothers funeral!
> This really happened.The Sister was a school teacher and one of the finest ladies in the community.Many students going to school under her would have never known to stand in the presence of a lady in a room or open a door for a lady plus table manners had it not been for her teaching.



Good for her!


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## Michael F. Gray (Aug 21, 2011)

1gr8bldr your point is valid. I have officiated at funerals when I didn't know the deceased. In most cases they had a relative in my Church. In this situation I list the surviving relatives, and tailor my remarks mostly to them. However, I have conducted funerals when the deceased requested a strong Gospel presentation prior to their demise, saying it may be the only soul stiring message many of their family/friends would ever hear. In these situation I honor the request. A pastor never knows what he is going to get into. Some months ago I attended a funeral with a friend from Church in a neighboring county. The Preacher coming from out of town got lost and didn't make it. Funeral Director observed me enter the chapel with a Bible in hand and inquired if I was a minister. I had less than five minutes notice before the service started. The Preacher scheduled arrived just after the departed was placed in the hearse. That was likely not my finest service. In regards to a soul winning message delivered at a funeral, I have had as many as eight saved at a committal service. The eight I mention are still serving the Lord years later Faithfully. One point you make is accurate. The service is for those present. I've sat through services from groups who do not share my Faith without being offended when it involved a neighbor or friend. I may not agree with their choice or style of worship. I am Thankful we are Blessed to live in a Nation which allows that freedom.


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## 1gr8bldr (Aug 21, 2011)

All good comments. I have always believed that one can become better by observing things, good and bad. And I have also heard the request to preach a gospel message. But first and foremost is to make sure that the deceased gets the honor that the family thinks they deserve. A good job is when they all say that they could not have said it better. I realize that this can be a lot of pressure for a pastor.


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## crbrumbelow (Aug 21, 2011)

I have a letter written with instructions for my funeral.  I dont want anyone to go to he!!, especially friends and loved ones.  In my letter I instruct my survivors that they are to have my pastor at the time of my death, preach.  Preach the gospel.  Preach that dangers of not accepting Christ.  He is also instructed to tell the audience afterward why he preached.  That I loved them all and I want to see them again.  I think its one of the greatest things someone can do; to tell them they love them and want their eternity to be in heaven and no where else.


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## 1gr8bldr (Aug 21, 2011)

That is good thing to make this decission ahead of time. But, your family will better cope with you absense if your given the honor that they feel you deserve. Should be possible to do both. My original example was all preaching and no honor or respect


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## crbrumbelow (Aug 22, 2011)

Yes sire I understand what youre saying.  Thats why I made it clear for the pastor to tell them "Russ wanted this done because he loves you all."


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## hobbs27 (Jun 25, 2012)

crbrumbelow said:


> I have a letter written with instructions for my funeral.  I dont want anyone to go to he!!, especially friends and loved ones.  In my letter I instruct my survivors that they are to have my pastor at the time of my death, preach.  Preach the gospel.  Preach that dangers of not accepting Christ.  He is also instructed to tell the audience afterward why he preached.  That I loved them all and I want to see them again.  I think its one of the greatest things someone can do; to tell them they love them and want their eternity to be in heaven and no where else.




X2. There would be no greater funeral than one that someone found Christ.I had a preacher friend of mine over just the other day, and I asked him about a funeral he had preached several years ago.He said it was just a couple of years after God had called him, and he stood and preached he11 - and being born again.Several folks got up and walked out on him, but when he was done and got to his vehicle, there stood six or so teenagers asking if he would tell them more about being born again.Two were saved in the parking lot, and the others called him a little at a time over the next couple of weeks thanking him and telling him they had been saved by Christ.
 You may not want to preach Jesus at a funeral, or you may not like to hear it preached, but if God tells his messenger to preach it, you better preach it.Besides, who are we to have a man stand over our dead bodies and praise us?We are nothing without Christ.


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## gemcgrew (Jun 25, 2012)

hobbs27 said:


> You may not want to preach Jesus at a funeral, or you may not like to hear it preached, but if God tells his messenger to preach it, you better preach it.Besides, who are we to have a man stand over our dead bodies and praise us?We are nothing without Christ.



I can't imagine any preacher worth his salt not proclaiming Christ. 
"Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God."(Luke 9:60)


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## rockman7 (Jun 25, 2012)

hobbs27 said:


> X2. There would be no greater funeral than one that someone found Christ.I had a preacher friend of mine over just the other day, and I asked him about a funeral he had preached several years ago.He said it was just a couple of years after God had called him, and he stood and preached he11 - and being born again.Several folks got up and walked out on him, but when he was done and got to his vehicle, there stood six or so teenagers asking if he would tell them more about being born again.Two were saved in the parking lot, and the others called him a little at a time over the next couple of weeks thanking him and telling him they had been saved by Christ.
> You may not want to preach Jesus at a funeral, or you may not like to hear it preached, but if God tells his messenger to preach it, you better preach it.Besides, who are we to have a man stand over our dead bodies and praise us?We are nothing without Christ.



+1 but then it depends on the person. in our church we celebrate the life of our friend and have a homecoming "party". the funneral homes here kinda think we've flipped out. some enjoy it.usually our praise team shows up and we get loud. can't understand for the life of me why we gotta be all sad when a loved one "gets" to reap his reward?one young lady lost her hubby to cancer . did she cry? sure but then she got all "happy" cause her best friend made it home. some people do get offended but we ok it with the family first....or they ask us to.

but i agree , if the Spirit sez give a altar call.....do it!!
make sure if i'm the one in the box you do it!!


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## gordon 2 (Jun 25, 2012)

I think to comfort the family and friends is the way to go or the christian thing to do. If one feels a need after they are dead to have the gospel ministered to friends and family, they should have seen to it while they were lively.

 The call or motivation to want to see them again--even pagans would what this.

But boots on the ground sometimes plans must change... so whatever works...but for the most to comfort the living who morn is the christian thing to do...baring a cultural glich.


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## hobbs27 (Jun 25, 2012)

I'd say if the family doesn't want to hear preaching they shouldnt ask a preacher to handle the funeral they could get some motivational speaker, and have clowns with balloons if that's what they want.For me I have made it clear the Gospel and greatness of Jesus Christ is to be preached at my funeral....If they want to say anything about me, I just hope it's how I love the lord.

There is no more comfort for people than knowing their loved one is in the presence of Jesus, awaiting them.


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## JB0704 (Jun 25, 2012)

I told my wife not to have a funeral at all....let alone have any preaching.  My life is my testimony, not my death.  I want her to creamate me, dump my ashes in a ditch, and invite friends and family over for some BBQ......I will leave my recipes somewhere they can find them.

But, if somebody wants to have preaching, then they should.  I don't get offended at it, I just hate funerals (way too sad) and don't want to subject my friends and loved ones to it.


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## 1gr8bldr (Jun 25, 2012)

I went to a memorial the other day. The family took charge, each speaking about their father. Each having fond memories, each speaking of his faith that he expressed to them. He was not a church goer, yet had made a impact, not on the world, but where it mattered most. His circle of influence, his family. It was such a sincere tribute to their father. One of which I'm sure he would be so proud. Then, a couple days later, another funeral. Two preachers, both stuck in the mindset that every word must somehow be attached to the bible, repeating the same ole generic message. My wife said she thought it would never end. I said, it's not over yet, we still got to listen to this at graveside. I don't have the answers, yet my original post was to spur preachers into giving considerable thought of what might be a better way.


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## Paymaster (Jun 25, 2012)

I have asked those that would preach my funeral to preach The Gospel. I never want a celebration of me. There may be some in attendance that would never sit through a service except at my funeral.


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## Ronnie T (Jun 26, 2012)

Based on what some of you have said, you shouldn't have a funeral anyway.  Leave your ol dead body in a back room and just preach the gospel.  Don't even mention your name.  A please, don't have your family sit up there on that front row while the sermon of the preachers choice is being delivered.  They've gone through enough.  What they need is public reassurance and public love, then go home and get some rest.

What's a funeral suppose to be for???
What is a funeral for???

Do you have someone preach the Gospel at your birthday party/get together?  How bout at you marriage anniversary?  Do you have a preacher preach the Gospel there??  Why not?  

The ideal situation for a preacher who's preaching a funeral is for the deceased to be a dear child of God, and that preacher be able to explain how glorious a life Christ has given the one who has now left this world.
To tell how Christ as touched that person.  To tell how Christ ministered through that person's life.  Doing that isn't the job of a motivational speaker.  It's the job of the minister that can now use this persons life as a persent-day example of how great life, and death, can be for the person in Christ.

There are things that can be learned from the life of that dead person.  Things that can be said at the funeral, but won't be said any place else.


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## ted_BSR (Aug 28, 2012)

I think the funeral mostly is for closure for those of us left behind. It is a definitive gesture. Let the gospel be preached, let the life of the person be celebrated. Let it bring the families together to support those who have lost the most.

Don't let it be like the one I went to last Saturday (my cousin). The preacher was really singling out the husband of the deceased. Telling him he had to grieve, and grieve hard, but, not without hope. He went on for several minutes about this while the 11 year old son of the deceased sat there wondering what the heck was going on. Then, he messed up the Lord's prayer, leaving out 2 entire verses and hurrying up to the end.

This was the second family member's funeral I have been to this month. My Dad officiated the other one, which went much better. My Dad is not a pastor or preacher or ordained minister, just a man of faith, and he did a fine job of putting Uncle Bob in the ground.

I think folks tend to over think the whole thing.


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## BreamReaper (Sep 13, 2012)

ted_BSR said:


> I think the funeral mostly is for closure for those of us left behind. It is a definitive gesture. Let the gospel be preached, let the life of the person be celebrated. Let it bring the families together to support those who have lost the most.
> 
> Don't let it be like the one I went to last Saturday (my cousin). The preacher was really singling out the husband of the deceased. Telling him he had to grieve, and grieve hard, but, not without hope. He went on for several minutes about this while the 11 year old son of the deceased sat there wondering what the heck was going on. Then, he messed up the Lord's prayer, leaving out 2 entire verses and hurrying up to the end.
> 
> ...



I know ive suffered through many of these, makes you want to take over the podium.



Ronnie T said:


> Based on what some of you have said, you shouldn't have a funeral anyway.  Leave your ol dead body in a back room and just preach the gospel.  Don't even mention your name.  A please, don't have your family sit up there on that front row while the sermon of the preachers choice is being delivered.  They've gone through enough.  What they need is public reassurance and public love, then go home and get some rest.
> 
> What's a funeral suppose to be for???
> What is a funeral for???
> ...



Agreed exactly, we should think outside the box.



1gr8bldr said:


> I went to a memorial the other day. The family took charge, each speaking about their father. Each having fond memories, each speaking of his faith that he expressed to them. He was not a church goer, yet had made a impact, not on the world, but where it mattered most. His circle of influence, his family. It was such a sincere tribute to their father. One of which I'm sure he would be so proud. Then, a couple days later, another funeral. Two preachers, both stuck in the mindset that every word must somehow be attached to the bible, repeating the same ole generic message. My wife said she thought it would never end. I said, it's not over yet, we still got to listen to this at graveside. I don't have the answers, yet my original post was to spur preachers into giving considerable thought of what might be a better way.



Most of my family funerals have consisted of our preacher, family, and friends. We had a "going home" revival for my great grandmother 2 years ago now. 

Preacher stood up and said Nanny had bought 3 dresses to be buried in, and had to take em all back to Belks because she overcame her sickness each time. She was tough and always laughed at my pranks, and kept everyone smiling. So he cited some of her favorite scripture, and stories. Like you say, it brought to mind what a life she lived for Christ, her teaching me about love and life. My daddy, uncle, and myself were pallbearers in our uniforms like she wanted. People of all races shared songs and experiences. Ya know a diverse community came together to prove a point and celebrate a strong disciple's work on earth. Anyhow, it sure helps the grieving to have a little mixture of both for me. I do come from a stock of out-spoken, up-beat folks.


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