# Mommy, Why Does Alabama Cheat?



## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

Mommy, Why Does Alabama Cheat?

Sorry Poppa Bear, Viagra won't be invented for another 25 years...

Well dear, let me tell you…

This all started when Jesu- errr, I mean, Coach Bear Bryant ran the filthiest program in all of college sports. We won a lot of games during those years, but pretty soon the pesky NCAA, with their “rules” and such, began snooping around down in Tuscaloosa.

You see son, the NCAA is like that bad policeman that sent your daddy off to prison for doing too much meth. It was nobody’s business your dad liked to stay awake for a week at a time while he tinkered on his four wheel drive. But the police like to pick on your daddy – just like the NCAA does bama. It ain’t fair I tell ya…

Anyhow, after Bear dirtied up our program in the 60â€²s and 70â€²s he up and died on us. We had a big ol’ funeral for him and everything. A lot of folks stood out at his grave site waitin’ on him to ressurect his self after three days, but he stayed right there in the dirt.

After we figgured he wasn’t comin’ back, we tried to hire other coaches. One liked stuffin one dolla bills inta ladies undergarments. For some reason, none of them could win like Bear so we started pretendin’ we liked basketball. One of our basketball coaches decides he wants to start a slush fund for the players since that thing worked out so well for SMU back in the 80â€²s.

So, the dang NCAA with their fain-cy cars, and their suits and ties come down here messin’ with us and put us on more of this probation stuff. We hired a hot shot lawyer and he kept us from gettin’ what them NCAA boys call the “Death Penalty”. Now don’t get confused, this ain’t the same kind of Death Penalty they gave your uncle Marlon when he shot aunt Sarah – this here’s a diff’rent kind of Death Penalty – it’s even worse than dyin’! It means they take away Bama football!

Well, we showed them NCAA carpetbaggers for sure. We weren’t about to get none of that there death penalty cuz we had a plan. We hired this squeaky clean white boy named Mike Shula. Keep in mind now, he weren’t much of a football coach or nothin’, but we figgured he could keep us out of the fire for a few years while the NCAA went off messin’ with other folks.

We thought it worked. After we got off probation in 2007, we didn’t have no more use for Mr. Shula. We sent him a packin’ and got us a real coach – a man by the name of Nick Saban. Since we were off probation for two whole years since 1995, we were free to cheat it up as much as we liked. That allowed us to haul in two consecutive top-rated recruiting classes. We shore was happy down here in Alabama. We even made up a sayin’ called “The National Recruitin’ Championship” we were so giddy.

Then we find out ol’ Shula wasn’t watchin’ them boys as hard as we thought. Turns out, players were comin’ to bama to play cuz’ they knew they could get three or four thousand dollars a piece by flippin’ them there books from the university bookstore. There was some other stuff too, but we kept that a secret – just like you keep a secret from your daddy ’bout when the UPS man comes.

So, them NCAA folks come down here again and gives us some more probation. We don’t care what they do now, cause we are too slick and they too scared to do nothin’ but probation.

See son, we are like what they call in the criminal justice system a “ree-peat off-fender”. But, the thing is, them NCAA boys likes they money jest about as much as we Bammers loves our football team. They too scared to really drop the hammer, see? We jest gone keep on winnin’ football games and wait for them to take away all them wins fo’ or five years down the road. We gots them boys whupped now fo’ sho’.

Some folks – like them uppity Auburn people – like to say stuff like:

(spoken with a hoity-toity proper English accent)

“Alabama is the perfect storm when it comes to violations. When you have a lax athletic department that turns the other cheek, a rabid, ignorant fan base, slimy boosters, a coach with questionable morals, and recruits not one bit interested in the actual college experience, bad things are going to happen”

Well, you know what I got to say to that son?

ROLL TIDE BABY!!!!!

Now, be a good boy and go fetch your momma some cigarettes…


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

I can not take credit for this 100% It was brought to my attention by a former Bama fan like myself..... Go Dawgs!


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## RipperIII (Aug 29, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> I can not take credit for this 100% It was brought to my attention by a former Bama fan like myself..... Go Dawgs!



care to compare Saban's graduation rate versus Richt's?,...or any other Coach in the SEC,...or the entire NCAA?
...just may surprise you.


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> care to compare Saban's graduation rate versus Richt's?,...or any other Coach in the SEC,...or the entire NCAA?
> ...just may surprise you.



Put it on a spread sheet and I'll take a look.....


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## ChiefOsceola (Aug 29, 2012)




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## FredBearYooper (Aug 29, 2012)

I can't wait until Shoelace leaves Texas with a win and all you Bama fans jaws on the floor. HAIL TO THE VICTORS!


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## RipperIII (Aug 29, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> Put it on a spread sheet and I'll take a look.....




go check out WSJ,...about 3 months ago


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## RipperIII (Aug 29, 2012)

FredBearYooper said:


> I can't wait until Shoelace leaves Texas with a win and all you Bama fans jaws on the floor. HAIL TO THE VICTORS!




shoelaces won't last the game,...he'll not rush for more than 30 yards...and he sure ain't gonna beat us with his arm


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> go check out WSJ,...about 3 months ago



Give me the link.... I dont believe you.....


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## LanierSpots (Aug 29, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> Mommy, Why Does Alabama Cheat?
> 
> Sorry Poppa Bear, Viagra won't be invented for another 25 years...
> 
> ...





This wont end well for you.


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## LanierSpots (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> shoelaces won't last the game,...he'll not rush for more than 30 yards...and he sure ain't gonna beat us with his arm




I said this in another thread.  IF he last 3 quarters, I will be surprised.

This game will not be close and the talking heads will be making excuses on why Michigan is not "BACK"


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

LanierSpots said:


> This wont end well for you.



Explain yourself......


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## riprap (Aug 29, 2012)

This looks like something I would have posted.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> shoelaces won't last the game,...he'll not rush for more than 30 yards...and he sure ain't gonna beat us with his arm



Are you implying Bama is going to purposely injure a player?  Is this a bounty system?


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## rhbama3 (Aug 29, 2012)

The Hate the Tide threads have started. It's almost football season!!!


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## riprap (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> care to compare Saban's graduation rate versus Richt's?,...or any other Coach in the SEC,...or the entire NCAA?
> ...just may surprise you.



Out of all that...you came up with this.

I'm pretty sure this was meant to be funny...this was a made up story.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> care to compare Saban's graduation rate versus Richt's?,...or any other Coach in the SEC,...or the entire NCAA?
> ...just may surprise you.



He didn't say anything about graduation rates.  If a group of football players that otherwise couldn't qualify academically for the school make great grades you are doing a fine job.


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## Matthew6 (Aug 29, 2012)

riprap said:


> This looks like something I would have posted.



Yes it does.................Hater


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## KyDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

QUOTE=riprap;7164978]Out of all that...you came up with this.

I'm pretty sure this was meant to be funny...this was a made up story.[/QUOTE]



They think this story is true, wonder why.


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## RipperIII (Aug 29, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> Are you implying Bama is going to purposely injure a player?  Is this a bounty system?




you obviously don't know anything about D-nard.


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## rhbama3 (Aug 29, 2012)

KyDawg said:


> QUOTE=riprap;7164978]Out of all that...you came up with this.
> 
> I'm pretty sure this was meant to be funny...this was a made up story.




Ky dawg;s post:
They think this story is true, wonder why.

Don't make me send Harvey to Athens. He'll do a good job on shrubbery too.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 29, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> you obviously don't know anything about D-nard.



He would make a great a-back if he could learn how to block.


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

riprap said:


> This looks like something I would have posted.



 Go Dawgs!


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## Matthew6 (Aug 29, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> Go Dawgs!




Hater


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## Sugar HillDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

Now Browny, why do you wanna have to get someone else to start your vehicle now?


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

Sugar HillDawg said:


> Now Browny, why do you wanna have to get someone else to start your vehicle now?



Ahh that's the Obummer way.....


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

Matthew6 said:


> Hater



Hate is a strong word. I'm sure only aubarn and lsu fans hate Bama...........


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## KyDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

rhbama3 said:


> Ky dawg;s post:
> They think this story is true, wonder why.
> 
> Don't make me send Harvey to Athens. He'll do a good job on shrubbery too.
> ...


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## rhbama3 (Aug 29, 2012)

KyDawg said:


> rhbama3 said:
> 
> 
> > Ky dawg;s post:
> ...


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## LanierSpots (Aug 29, 2012)

rhbama3 said:


> KyDawg said:
> 
> 
> > Congrats on the blueberries! I'm in Georgia and killed every one i've planted!
> ...


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## KyDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

rhbama3 said:


> KyDawg said:
> 
> 
> > Congrats on the blueberries! I'm in Georgia and killed every one i've planted!
> ...


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## Buck (Aug 29, 2012)

Man, ya'll have runied these quotes.  About all I can tell is KYdawg is talking to himself.


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

Buck said:


> Man, ya'll have runied these quotes.  About all I can tell is KYdawg is talking to himself.


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## KyDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

Buck said:


> Man, ya'll have runied these quotes.  About all I can tell is KYdawg is talking to himself.



Nobody else will talk to me Buck. It is lonesome out here in the doghouse. Give a brother a break.


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## KyDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

I though this was the gardening thread. My Bad.


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## rhbama3 (Aug 29, 2012)

Buck said:


> Man, ya'll have runied these quotes.  About all I can tell is KYdawg is talking to himself.



I guess my work here is done, then.


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

KyDawg said:


> I though this was the gardening thread. My Bad.


The bamers cant read this anyway.......... 



rhbama3 said:


> I guess my work here is done, then.


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## KyDawg (Aug 29, 2012)

I guess I need to go find Hankus's beer thread.


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

KyDawg said:


> I guess I need to go find Hankus's beer thread.



Go Dawgs!


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## riprap (Aug 29, 2012)

Nothing gets the faithful going like a good bama cheating thread.


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## brownceluse (Aug 29, 2012)

riprap said:


> Nothing gets the faithful going like a good bama cheating thread.



I owe you one.


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## Dudley Do-Wrong (Aug 30, 2012)

So, the Bama bashing has started again.

Let's talk about Jan Kemp.


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## tjl1388 (Aug 30, 2012)

RipperIII said:


> care to compare Saban's graduation rate versus Richt's?,...or any other Coach in the SEC,...or the entire NCAA?
> ...just may surprise you.



I'm your huckleberry....







http://stanford.scout.com/2/1183346.html

Ala. 69%
UM. 88%, only topped in the ACC by BC and Duke and 9th in the NCAA.

Others of interest,

LSu 77%
uF   76%
Ga. 65%
Aub 63%
FSu 56%
GT  55% "but...but, we're engineers!!"


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## ChiefOsceola (Aug 30, 2012)

tjl1388 said:


> I'm your huckleberry....
> 
> 
> 
> ...



And to think you didn't like Shalalalalalala.


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## tjl1388 (Aug 30, 2012)

ChiefOsceola said:


> And to think you didn't like Shalalalalalala.



Didn't?

I DON'T.

That liberal little midget troll can die in a fire for all I care. I hold her personably responsible for the hire of Larry Coker and Randy Shannon.

I would much rather have your (FSu) graduation rate and recruits with our legit coach that be on here gloating about a stinkin graduation rate that's for sure.


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## Dudley Do-Wrong (Aug 30, 2012)

This thread (and others like it) remind me of Obama's campaign strategy; he has no accomplishments to brag on so he goes negative against Romney.


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## brownceluse (Aug 30, 2012)

Dudley Do-Wrong said:


> This thread (and others like it) remind me of Obama's campaign strategy; he has no accomplishments to brag on so he goes negative against Romney.



It does me too. Saban didnt build that.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

tjl1388 said:


> GT  55% "but...but, we're engineers!!"



Classes aren't easy at GT.  They don't give out A's for hanging with boosters at strip clubs.


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## Buck (Aug 30, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> Classes aren't easy at GT.  They don't give out A's for hanging with boosters at strip clubs.


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## Boudreaux (Aug 30, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> Classes aren't easy at GT.  They don't give out A's for hanging with boosters at strip clubs.



Can't be easy being a GT football fan, either.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

Boudreaux said:


> Can't be easy being a GT football fan, either.



That is what they make beer for...


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## tjl1388 (Aug 30, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> Classes aren't easy at GT.  They don't give out A's for hanging with boosters at strip clubs.



Prove it....

Seen my share of GT players at the Cheetah receiving PLENTY of "favors".....


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## brownceluse (Aug 30, 2012)

This thread is about bama and the constant cheating. lets get back on topic.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

tjl1388 said:


> Prove it....
> 
> Seen my share of GT players at the Cheetah receiving PLENTY of "favors".....



TJL...the only woodys member that goes to the cheetah to stare at patrons.


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## tjl1388 (Aug 30, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> TJL...the only woodys member that goes to the cheetah to stare at patrons.



Good one


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## KyDawg (Aug 30, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> This thread is about bama and the constant cheating. lets get back on topic.



Does that mean that rhbama and I can no longer discuss the art of growing Blueberry trees on here?


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

tjl1388 said:


> Good one



About once a year I come up with something that sounds good.


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## brownceluse (Aug 30, 2012)

KyDawg said:


> Does that mean that rhbama and I can no longer discuss the art of growing Blueberry trees on here?



I forgot you were off topic too. Yall carry on!


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## bamaboy (Aug 30, 2012)

Rollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nick saban for president!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Were #1 were#1 were#1


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## brownceluse (Aug 30, 2012)

bamaboy said:


> Rollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Tideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...


Big fat cheeter!


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

bamaboy said:


> Rollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Tideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> ...



I am not sure the country could afford the oversigning issue... Seriously are we going to annex South America and Europe to have enough bodies to compete with China?


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## Beartrkkr (Aug 30, 2012)

tjl1388 said:


> I'm your huckleberry....
> 
> 
> 
> ...




BUT, you left off the fine print:
"Vanderbilt continues lead the SEC in football grad rates. No surprise there. LSU and Florida are next with reported GSRs of 77% and 76%, which is somewhat of a surprise to us. Part of the reason LSU and Florida reported relatively high grad rates is that they don't have to count all the transfers they lost. These two programs churn through a remarkable number of transfers. With outgoing transfers taken into account, both LSU and Florida have a "federal graduation rate" of just 48% -- almost 30 percentage points lower than their reported GSRs. *Now you can see why the football factories lobbied the NCAA to adopt the factory-friendly GSR system of measuring graduation rates*."

They don't mention Bama's "processing" of players since they are not in the top 2 in the SEC (behind Vandy), but I'd assume it would heavily weigh their rates downward just like LSU & FL.  Probably don't have to count those leaving for the NFL early either.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

Beartrkkr said:


> BUT, you left off the fine print:
> "Vanderbilt continues lead the SEC in football grad rates. No surprise there. LSU and Florida are next with reported GSRs of 77% and 76%, which is somewhat of a surprise to us. Part of the reason LSU and Florida reported relatively high grad rates is that they don't have to count all the transfers they lost. These two programs churn through a remarkable number of transfers. With outgoing transfers taken into account, both LSU and Florida have a "federal graduation rate" of just 48% -- almost 30 percentage points lower than their reported GSRs. *Now you can see why the football factories lobbied the NCAA to adopt the factory-friendly GSR system of measuring graduation rates*."
> 
> They don't mention Bama's "processing" of players since they are not in the top 2 in the SEC (behind Vandy), but I'd assume it would heavily weigh their rates downward just like LSU & FL.  Probably don't have to count those leaving for the NFL early either.



So are you trying to help TJL here?  I am reading your post and thinking it should read more like.... You're right TJL plus the fine print adds that the SEC schools look and smell like roses because the thing they really do best is cheat.

***  JUST OFFERING AN OPINION ON WHAT THE GUY SAID...NOT STATING IF IS TRUE OR FALSE.  We can figure that out ourselves in post game interviews.


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## brownceluse (Aug 30, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> So are you trying to help TJL here?  I am reading your post and thinking it should read more like.... You're right TJL plus the fine print adds that the SEC schools look and smell like roses because the thing they really do best is cheat.
> 
> ***  JUST OFFERING AN OPINION ON WHAT THE GUY SAID...NOT STATING IF IS TRUE OR FALSE.  We can figure that out ourselves in post game interviews.[/QUOTE]
> Aint gonna lie I just spit sweet tea everywhere.


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 30, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> KrazieJacket95 said:
> 
> 
> > So are you trying to help TJL here?  I am reading your post and thinking it should read more like.... You're right TJL plus the fine print adds that the SEC schools look and smell like roses because the thing they really do best is cheat.
> ...


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## brownceluse (Aug 30, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> brownceluse said:
> 
> 
> > It's just a game dog.
> ...


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 31, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> KrazieJacket95 said:
> 
> 
> > Nope it's a religion......
> ...


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> brownceluse said:
> 
> 
> > So we are all saved through Sabans grace...thanks for informing me.
> ...


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## KrazieJacket95 (Aug 31, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> KrazieJacket95 said:
> 
> 
> > Dont forget about the Bear!
> ...


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## Marlin_444 (Aug 31, 2012)

Winners win and losers hate...  

Take it up with the NCAA...

Roll Tide (the line is 14 tomorrow)...

*V*


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## bamaboy (Aug 31, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> Big fat cheeter!



Haters hate!!! ROLL TIDE!!! SEE yall at the WINNERS CIRCLE tomorrow!! 

You are too funny!! Cheaters - HA!


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

bamaboy said:


> haters hate!!! Roll tide!!! See yall at the winners circle tomorrow!!
> 
> You are too funny!! Cheaters - ha!



big yawn.....


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

KrazieJacket95 said:


> brownceluse said:
> 
> 
> > Nov. 18 1961 Darwin Holt and Chick Graning shows the kind of person the bear was.
> ...


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## riprap (Aug 31, 2012)

brownceluse said:


> KrazieJacket95 said:
> 
> 
> > He was a drunk I do know that...... But to the Bama fans he was  the messiah......
> ...


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

riprap said:


> brownceluse said:
> 
> 
> > Who cares? Bottom line NC's.
> ...


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## gobbleinwoods (Aug 31, 2012)

riprap said:


> brownceluse said:
> 
> 
> > Who cares? Bottom line NC's.
> ...


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## rhbama3 (Aug 31, 2012)

KyDawg said:


> Does that mean that rhbama and I can no longer discuss the art of growing Blueberry trees on here?



Bone meal, huh?
I'll try that this spring when i plant some new blueberries. 
I definitely may have used too much fertilizer.


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

gobbleinwoods said:


> riprap said:
> 
> 
> > I agree about the NC's.    Go Big Red.
> ...


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## rhbama3 (Aug 31, 2012)

gobbleinwoods said:


> riprap said:
> 
> 
> > I agree about the NC's.    Go Big Red.
> ...


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

rhbama3 said:


> gobbleinwoods said:
> 
> 
> > brownceluse said:
> ...


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## KyDawg (Aug 31, 2012)

rhbama3 said:


> Bone meal, huh?
> I'll try that this spring when i plant some new blueberries.
> I definitely may have used too much fertilizer.



Bama fans have been known to do that.


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## riprap (Aug 31, 2012)

gobbleinwoods said:


> riprap said:
> 
> 
> > I agree about the NC's.    Go Big Red.
> ...


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

Them Bama girls start their younguns out right. In the womb!


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## brownceluse (Aug 31, 2012)

Another good one....


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## yellowduckdog (Sep 1, 2012)

gobbleinwoods said:


> riprap said:
> 
> 
> > I agree about the NC's.    Go Big Red.
> ...


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