# 19 year old and drugs



## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

My wife and I have raised our grandaughter since she was born and she is now 19. We are also raising her two brothers now, 10 and 14. The other day the 14 year old came down and said her room stinks bad. My wife went up to check and the door was locked. She had her open the door and when my wife went in she had the window wide open and had sprayed some nasty smelling stuff. My wife came back down and told me about how bad it smelled in her room. We have also noticed that she has been coughing alot lately. So last night my wife stayed up until after midnight to make sure she was asleep and then went into her room and got her purse and brought it down and went through it. In side she found a case that contain two pipes, lighter, tweezers and two other items that we have no idea of what they are. The smell would make a bull faint. We have no idea of what she is smoking but I really don't think it's grass. We need to confront her about this but have no idea how to go about it. If anyone has had a similar situation or has any advice we would appreaciate your help. This matter is breaking our hearts right now. Thanks in advance for any help.


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## mattech (Jan 8, 2014)

You can get drug tests at a pharmacy. That will tell you what she is using.


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## turtlebug (Jan 8, 2014)

What mattech said or either if you have a good relationship with her doctor, call them and get them to order a 10 panel forensic drug screen. Don't tell her about it in advance. If a forensic is done, the temperature of the urine she submits will have to fall within a certain range, that way you know it's hers. If kids are tipped off that they're going to have a drug screen, they'll go to all sorts of lengths to bring someone else's urine in. 

Believe me when I say I hurt for you and your wife. I just made my third appointment to go visit my son in the county detention center (jail). He will be 20 years old tomorrow. We've been fighting a battle for three years now. His drug was spice (synthetic marijuana) which even in a forensic screen is almost impossible to detect as they keep changing the molecular makeup and staying one step ahead of toxicology. We're also not sure if there was an underlying mental illness and the spice caused it to manifest or if it was caused by the spice. He has been diagnosed as bipolar. We have no evidence of drug use other than his recent admission and even his friends say it was minimal. We tested and  tested and he always came up negative. That's how hard spice is to detect. Either way, I beg God on a daily basis to have mercy on my family and help us get through this. I'd like to have my son back to the child I raised. 

Tomorrow is his 20th birthday. I can promise you, 20 years ago, when I held that little miracle in my arms, I never in a million years envisioned that we would be walking this path. We're supposed to be watching him enjoy his college years and getting prepared to start living his life, not talking to him through glass on a telephone and putting money in his inmate account so he can enjoy an occasional Coke or make a phone call. 

Nip it in the bud while you can. Be strict and don't waiver.


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## oldfella1962 (Jan 8, 2014)

mattech said:


> You can get drug tests at a pharmacy. That will tell you what she is using.



YEP! That technology is cheap these days. 
However - the test is only as good as the person doing the testing. Trust me, I did this for a living.
Here's how you do it, if you really want accurate results:

1. choose your testing spot - home bathroom for you.
2. Remove ALL chemicals that can alter the urine, like cleaning supplies, soaps, toothpaste, makeup, etc. I mean everything with any chemicals in it. Have nothing but paper towels you control. 
3. do it early morning before the subject has time to dilute their urine. Most people need to go right when they wake up, and that's some very concentrated urine, great for testing.
4. you must (I know this can be embarrasing) *watch* that stream of urine leave their body and go into the testing cup. If you can't do that, turn off hot water to the bathroom if possible. That way they can't dilute their urine with tap water - feel the cup after she fills it, and if it's not warm like urine....she's busted.
5. have her wash her hands *before* she handles the cup so she can't contaminate the sample with any chemicals she has on her hands. No soap (that's gone anyway) just running water for 30 seconds or so. 
6. follow directions that come with the testing kit. There are different kits - for weed only is the cheapest, coke + meth + opiates (and the weed of course) and everything else are slightly  more expensive. I suggest the kits that check for everything and anything. 
7. if she comes up "hot" DO NOT LISTEN TO EXCUSES! No No: "I was with a friend who was smoking and I must have breathed some in" wouldn't trigger a hot result. The test directions explain minimum thresholds, etc.
"The test isn't accurate" sorry they are accurate.

Anyway, good luck!


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## SarahFair (Jan 8, 2014)

What kind of pipes were they?
Regular tobacco pipes, straight glass, or the "glass oil incense burners"?


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## thc_clubPres (Jan 8, 2014)

luckily my kids have seen enough idiot friends removed from school and moved to the "alternate" school.  that's enough to keep them away from the crowd.

I'd confront straight on. confiscate all items and let her know she'd be on her own soon.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

Thanks all for the suggestions. The pipes were about 3 inches by 1 inch sort of flat on the one end and round on the other. There was also a prescription bottle in the case (no label) that contained some kind of other device, a lighter, tweezers, and some other round item about the length of the ligter and probably no more than 3/8 inch round.


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## turtlebug (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> Thanks all for the suggestions. The pipes were about 3 inches by 1 inch sort of flat on the one end and round on the other. There was also a prescription bottle in the case (no label) that contained some kind of other device, a lighter, tweezers, and some other round item about the length of the ligter and probably no more than 3/8 inch round.



Has she lost or gained any significant amounts of weight lately?


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## mattech (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> Thanks all for the suggestions. The pipes were about 3 inches by 1 inch sort of flat on the one end and round on the other. There was also a prescription bottle in the case (no label) that contained some kind of other device, a lighter, tweezers, and some other round item about the length of the ligter and probably no more than 3/8 inch round.



Any way you can post pictures of the items.


I hate to say, it doesn't sound like something she is just trying, most people who try it once or twice don't have a setup like that.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

turtlebug: Our hearts and prayer are with you and your son and ask for God's intervention in both yours and ours situations.


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## turtlebug (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> turtlebug: Our hearts and prayer are with you and your son and ask for God's intervention in both yours and ours situations.



Thank You. I'll pray for your family as well. 

This is why I say, don't take any excuses, be firm. She might hate you for a little while, but she'll love you even more in the end. 


My son only wishes now that he hadn't run away when we took his truck away from him. Wishes he hadn't left home and dropped out of school. Wishes that he'd listened to us and understood then that our being harsh was for his own good. He dreams of going back in time and having a clean criminal record, a high school diploma and to be working on a college degree. 

He now has something that will follow him around the rest of his life and he knows how hard life will be from now on because of it. 

Just don't give up.


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## chadf (Jan 8, 2014)

The pipes will tell u what she doing.

Post pic if u can or are willing.

It you can't figure it out from the pipe, then drug test her.


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## turtlebug (Jan 8, 2014)

One more thing. DO NOT let this divide you and your wife. Stick together and support each other. Don't blame each other for any of this. 

I can promise you, a situation like this will split up a family faster that I can say DIVORCE. It's basically divided my family like you wouldn't believe. I mean lines have been drawn in the sand. We have a 16 year old that has two more years of high school. I promised myself I wouldn't do anything to disturb her last two years of high school. Let her have a normal life and keep things on an even keel until she leaves for college. 

I don't think I'm going to be able to keep that promise.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)




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## 3ringer (Jan 8, 2014)

Prayers for you and your family. You are very special grand parents . I pray that she gets past this and does not let it ruin her life.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

I found a picture of one pipe that looks likes one of them, glass pipe used for smoking grass, but can't get it to post.


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## j_seph (Jan 8, 2014)

Never any experience with this but do believe I would take her bedroom door down. Would help stop her from hiding in her room doing this.


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## 3ringer (Jan 8, 2014)

My daughter got arrested and her car was impounded . The car was in my name. I got it out of impound . I drove it home and listed it in Craig's List for a ridiculous price of 500 bucks. It was sold in 30 minutes. She asked me , daddy did you get my car out of impound ?  Yep , I sure did.  She is still walking or bumming a ride.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

Here are few changes we have seen:

Change in appearance
•Less attention paid to dressing and grooming
•Loss of appetite

Change in behavior
•Decreased attendance and performance at school
•Loss of interest in school (she is going to cosmotoligy school)
•Newly developed secrecy, or deceptive or sneaky behavior
•Withdrawal from family and friends
•New friends and reluctance to introduce them 

Change in attitude
•Disrespectful behavior
•A mood or attitude that is getting worse
•Lack of concern about the future


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## turtlebug (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> Here are few changes we have seen:
> 
> Change in appearance
> •Less attention paid to dressing and grooming
> ...





More than likely, that is not marijuana. I fear something much worse.

Get her tested ASAP and get her into treatment. Prayers going up.


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## ramblinrack (Jan 8, 2014)

heartbreaking post's on this thread. I do know where they're coming from though as I went thru it with both of my daughters. at one time my wife & I had custody of all 5 of our g-children and that will indeed put a strong marriage in a bind. still together thru 31 yrs though. hang tough and don't blame yourselves. it will not change until they decide to change it! thank god the light came on for my 2 and they have become great parents. god bless...prayers sent!


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## swampstalker24 (Jan 8, 2014)

It sounds like to me she is smoking spice.  It is often and incorrectly called "synthetic marijuana" only because the chemical itself is sprayed onto green leafy incense type stuff, and smoked in the same fashion as pot.  It's effects are nothing even close to those of pot and would be more accurately described as a mix between PCP and meth.  Ive got friends who up until a few years ago were drug free and would only drink every now and then, but that all changed when spice came around.  They, like many others, began smoking it bc it can't be detected in traditional drug screens, and was available in gas stations and head shops.  As law enforcement caught on and many of the chemicals it contained were banned, the producers of spice would simply tweek the ingredient by one molecule or two and  the product would once again be legal.  This is how its effects morphed from what once could be loosely compared to pot to what it is today.  It's highly addictive and will completely change a person.  The guys I know that smoke it use what's called "one hit" pipes.  They look just like a cigarette and are glass or ceramic.  I've seen them take a hit of this stuff, fall into a coma-like state for about ten minutes or so, wake up and take another hit.  This cycle continues until they smoke it all or fall asleep.  It's pathetic to say the least.  I hope you the best of luck with your grand daughter.


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## muddywaters3 (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> Here are few changes we have seen:
> 
> Change in appearance
> •Less attention paid to dressing and grooming
> ...



None of that points to marijuana usage.  Especially "loss of appetite".

That points more towards something much worse. 

Id be real curious to see the pipe.


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## 660griz (Jan 8, 2014)

I am pretty harsh when it comes to this. Tell her to stop doing drugs in the house or get out. Tell her you will get her help if she wants it. If I(you) find it/smell it again, pack your stuff and go. 

If she was a minor it would be different.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

swampstalker24 after reading your post I'm inclined to think it might be spice. My wife also found a small bottle of liquid incense air freshner in her purse. When I pick her up today I'm going to confront her, I may even go to the police station and do it there. I just can't believe this is happening. Thanks to all for your replies.


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## StriperrHunterr (Jan 8, 2014)

Good luck is all I can say.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> swampstalker24 after reading your post I'm inclined to think it might be spice. My wife also found a small bottle of liquid incense air freshner in her purse. When I pick her up today I'm going to confront her, I may even go to the police station and do it there. I just can't believe this is happening. Thanks to all for your replies.



what good is taking her to the police station going to do?  is she stealing from you,physically hurting you,is there a victim?


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## Luke0927 (Jan 8, 2014)

Good luck my Wife's sister had/has a boy friend; good guy in Marine reserves, had a full time job etc...Got on this stuff with some friend lost everything.  Went to jail being messed up in public/possible stealing ( ridding a bicycle in walmart and just tried to ride it out the door or something stupid like that)  Anyways my sister in law finally called his mother when he was in jail she let him sit a little while and then go him out.  He is now in a rehab facility voluntarily; hope it works out for him.  

So yes if it is the "spice" drug it sounds like some bad stuff.  Stand hard and firm and hopefully you can get her back on the straight path.  I have 4 young kids and it rough hearing stories of young adults messing their lives up with trash like that.  I would say cut her off any way you can financially except a roof over her head (and take door off room) I would pay for the rehab if she would go but money nothing she can sell until shes through some program.


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## StriperrHunterr (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> what good is taking her to the police station going to do?  is she stealing from you,physically hurting you,is there a victim?



Fear of the future? C'mon man, there's no need to get argumentative with anyone going through this.


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## Milkman (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> swampstalker24 after reading your post I'm inclined to think it might be spice. My wife also found a small bottle of liquid incense air freshner in her purse. When I pick her up today I'm going to confront her, I may even go to the police station and do it there. I just can't believe this is happening. Thanks to all for your replies.



IMO, maybe you should give her the opportunity to confess to you without a confrontational setting such as a police or school officer present.  If she admits it you are probably ahead of the game without the intimidation factor of an outsider.

Then get a counselor of some sort involved. Many communities have a free resources to help with this. I dont envy you in any of the days that lie ahead.


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## oops1 (Jan 8, 2014)

StripeRR HunteRR said:


> Fear of the future? C'mon man, there's no need to get argumentative with anyone going through this.



Agree!!


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## 660griz (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> what good is taking her to the police station going to do?  is she stealing from you,physically hurting you,is there a victim?



Young kids in the house, illegal substances. Could be several victims. This is called preventive/proactive maintenance not reactive(when the damage has been done).


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

StripeRR HunteRR Thanks for the reply to hummdaddy. My thought is that if she doesn't have anything to hide then sitting in the parking lot of the PD might just help her come clean with me.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

Thanks all.


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## StriperrHunterr (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> StripeRR HunteRR Thanks for the reply to hummdaddy. My thought is that if she doesn't have anything to hide then sitting in the parking lot of the PD might just help her come clean with me.



I'm not a believer, so I can't say I'm praying for you. But as a father myself, although my kids are estranged thanks to their mom, there's a sick feeling in my gut when I think that this could one day be on my plate. You have my sympathies, and my shoulder/ear should you need it. Feel free to PM anytime. 

Since I'm on a list of things you have, and to add a little levity:


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## turtlebug (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> what good is taking her to the police station going to do?  is she stealing from you,physically hurting you,is there a victim?



If she's on spice and she's not stealing yet, she will eventually. 

I wish I had thought to do this or had a friend in LE standing by when the drama with my son started. I wish someone with a badge would've scared the tar out of him for me. 

Not a day goes by I don't blame myself or tell myself that I failed my son in some way or another, but I can promise you, the justice system failed him more. 

If they had thrown the book at him the first, second or even the third time he got into legal trouble, he might have gotten the message. Now he's sitting in jail until at least February 10th. I love him as only a parent can and my heart hurts for him every minute of every day but I don't want him out right now. I think he's right where he needs to be. He calls me crying, he cries when I visit. I look at him and still see that blonde headed little boy, but I also see a young man that has to learn a lesson the hard way. He was so determined that it was gonna be his way... well now he's experiencing the consequences of HIS WAY. 

I never bailed him out or even asked a judge to go easy on him. Friends or other family bailed him out and judges just slapped him on the wrist. Even his probation officer wouldn't cooperate when I asked for some psychological help or counseling or something. Just pay the fines, do your community service and as long as we get our money, who cares. Although when he chose to live on the streets, the probation department stalked and hounded me to no end. 

There's one thing about having a troubled teen that's in jail. I know he's not walking the streets. I know he's being fed and I know he's had a fairly warm place to sleep since he's been in jail. Sad to say but I've slept better since he's been incarcerated this time than I have in the last three years.


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## muddywaters3 (Jan 8, 2014)

turtlebug said:


> I wish someone with a badge would've scared the tar out of him for me.



My dad had a friend of his who was a LT of a maximum security prison in FL take my brother, when he was a teenager, to the general population one night so they could give him a "scare".

It didnt work.  He is in jail right now awaiting his prison sentence.  He has been locked up for 14 months.

Meth.


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## olcowman (Jan 8, 2014)

Well I am a believer and I am really praying for you, and Turtlebug. I wish I could offer some brilliant advice or insightful wisdom, but this is something we all handled poorly when it surfaced in my family (my little brother specifically).

I'll really pray...


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## 660griz (Jan 8, 2014)

Just remember, the worse thing you can do is...nothing.


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## merc123 (Jan 8, 2014)

http://www.drug-addiction-family-recovery.com/drug-paraphernalia.html


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## T.P. (Jan 8, 2014)

Prayers for everyone involved. It's mighty sad stuff.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 8, 2014)

660griz said:


> Young kids in the house, illegal substances. Could be several victims. This is called preventive/proactive maintenance not reactive(when the damage has been done).



locked door,personal space,adult!!! how bout try to get her some help that she might need...threats aren't gonna do anything but push her away from the op....


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## glynr329 (Jan 8, 2014)

If you have not been in this situation be very careful giving advise.  I will do this and that but you really have to be there to know. It is a very sad place to be. As long as she is a live there is hope and do not ever give up. You are in a very bad place and do not blame yourself.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 8, 2014)

glynr329 said:


> If you have not been in this situation be very careful giving advise.  I will do this and that but you really have to be there to know. It is a very sad place to be. As long as she is a live there is hope and do not ever give up. You are in a very bad place and do not blame yourself.



exactly


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## StriperrHunterr (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> locked door,personal space,adult!!! how bout try to get her some help that she might need...threats aren't gonna do anything but push her away from the op....



You're missing one thing. She may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but she will never stop being the OP's child. That has no statute of limitations.

Their concerns are valid, as is their attempt to help her, since she's doing it in their house. 

I don't disagree with your position on the young woman being able to decide things for herself right now, but this is not the place for that discussion and you're just showing your derriere with being this callous about it.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 8, 2014)

StripeRR HunteRR said:


> You're missing one thing. She may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but she will never stop being the OP's child. That has no statute of limitations.
> 
> Their concerns are valid, as is their attempt to help her, since she's doing it in their house.
> 
> I don't disagree with your position on the young woman being able to decide things for herself right now, but this is not the place for that discussion and you're just showing your derriere with being this callous about it.



i am trying to help the man!!! you don't threaten to lock your kid up,you get them help!!! I KNOW!!!!


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## 7Mag Hunter (Jan 8, 2014)

Long hard road ahead......

Have several members of my and my wifes family who has had
problems with prescription and non-prescription drug abuse.....

Best advice I can give you is for you and your wife to go start
talking to drug counselors.....You cannot force help on her,
regardless of "household rules" you set.....She will just leave.....
Don't drive her further away by trying to be strict......
Rehab counselors can guide you toward a solution....It is not a
quick fix......


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## hummdaddy (Jan 8, 2014)

INCARCERATION with murders,rapist,child molesters,and God forbid the rest of the scum that's in there is not what someone on drug's needs...There is rehabilitation with out such drastic steps!!!


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## hummdaddy (Jan 8, 2014)

7Mag Hunter said:


> Long hard road ahead......
> 
> Have several members of my and my wifes family who has had
> problems with prescription and non-prescription drug abuse.....
> ...



great post


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## egomaniac247 (Jan 8, 2014)

To the original poster.  If you or your spouse works for a company of any size, odds are that they have confidential employee assistance for something like this.   I would absolutely check on that.

Before you confront her (and you should do it soon), be sure to have your game plan in place before you do.  How you're going to approach her, what you'll say, and how you're going to avoid losing your temper.  The worst thing you can do with a stubborn 19 year old is have the discussion break down into a shouting match.


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## gobbleinwoods (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> INCARCERATION with murders,rapist,child molesters,and God forbid the rest of the scum that's in there is not what someone on drug's needs...There is rehabilitation with out such drastic steps!!!



Relative who went through two drug rehabs then to big boy jail for dealing.  Now is on the street and using again while on parole.  Only a matter of time before going back to jail.

A brother who blew as in cocaine all his inheritance and has finally gotten straight but after every surgery and pain meds the rest of the family hopes it doesn't go bad again.

The person has to want to quit.  Get her help.


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## carver (Jan 8, 2014)

Been thereprayers sent


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## KDarsey (Jan 8, 2014)

I've been through the same thing with one of mine. I wish I could give you the answer. He has been good for several months now.
I'm talking about a 33 year old that has been in & out & up & down for over 10 years.
He has gone for a long time being straight only to blow it again.
33 and he has nothing.
Every time the phone rings I cringe, afraid of another episode.
There is no ONE answer, no cure all, no one can tell you what they did and have it work in your grand daughters case. It would be so much easier if that we're true.
Those that stand outside our circle and try to tell you what, how & why are frankly full of it. They don't know. Books, videos or whatever may help but they don't fix it.
A huge part of the healing resides in her. It has to come to the point that she ( or he) realizes what they are doing and that they are the only ones that can fix it ( with your help & support of course).
Mine spent almost 2 years in rehab (Potters House near Athens) and has almost a year in jail time.
It will not be an easy road. I know this may not be what you want to hear but it is reality. Hopefully you can get her the help she needs and it won't go on like this.
I do know how you feel. I have been there and even though he is clean today I live in fear of tomorrow. 
He is a good boy except for this. Extremely smart too.
Breaks my heart.


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## Oldstick (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> i am trying to help the man!!! you don't threaten to lock your kid up,you get them help!!! I KNOW!!!!



If they steadfastly refuse every bit of the help available and wasted thousands of your hard earned money in the process then you do.  I know that from experience.


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## Oldstick (Jan 8, 2014)

KDarsey said:


> I've been through the same thing with one of mine. I wish I could give you the answer. He has been good for several months now.
> I'm talking about a 33 year old that has been in & out & up & down for over 10 years.
> He has gone for a long time being straight only to blow it again.
> 33 and he has nothing.
> ...



Everything above is my thoughts too almost word for word, except mine is 27 instead of 33.


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## ratlird (Jan 8, 2014)

Thank all. It is weed, she consented to getting help so we will yry and get thst set up tomorrow.  Continue praying please.


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## 69camaro (Jan 8, 2014)

Prayers sent for the OP and several families in this post


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## T.P. (Jan 8, 2014)

I hope you are right on the weed part, cause there is far worse things out there. Good luck to y'all.


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## swampstalker24 (Jan 8, 2014)

ratlird said:


> Thank all. It is weed, she consented to getting help so we will yry and get thst set up tomorrow.  Continue praying please.



Thats good news, I guess.  I wouldn't worry to much about that, but make sure she understands that it does sometimes lead to abuse of actual drugs.  Not really a need for professional help in my opinion.  And whatever you do, don't threaten her with random drug testing.  That will surely lead here to spice, which doesn't show up in tradition drug test, and the only ones it does show up on cost thousands of dollars.  JMO


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## georgiadawgs44 (Jan 8, 2014)

I have an 11 year old boy and an 8 year old little girl and
I pray we never have to go through anything like this. 
Prayers for the op, tbug, and several other of you guys
that are dealing with this horrible situation!


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## tcward (Jan 8, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> what good is taking her to the police station going to do?  is she stealing from you,physically hurting you,is there a victim?



Come on man.......


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## oldfella1962 (Jan 8, 2014)

A convenience store just down the road from me was busted for selling spice. He must have paid off the right folks, he's still there and running his store like nothing happened. Guarantee a lot of military were his customers, because of they could stay off the urine test radar. 

I don't know how I'd react if my kids were into drugs - many folks I know got involved in drugs or their kids did - it's a rough tragic situation that can happen to anyone, but you can't give up.


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## mattech (Jan 8, 2014)

T.P. said:


> I hope you are right on the weed part, cause there is far worse things out there. Good luck to y'all.



X2, I hope this scares her enough to clean up, instead of going the opposite way.


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## Artfuldodger (Jan 8, 2014)

Some people think spice smells like a skunk although it doesn't smell that way to all people. Some people think pot smells like a skunk also.
I can't say I've ever smelled pot that smells like a skunk.


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## ted_BSR (Jan 8, 2014)

Prayers sent. Weed should be easier to kick. Most of the addictive nature of it is psychological. If she was smoking it in her room, it kind of sounds like a cry for help. I don't see how she could think it would go undetected. Did she tell you it was weed? If so, that may or may not be true.

Great job by you and your wife to get involved and get her some help, and praise God that she consented to it.

She has a weed buddy or two. Find out who, and try and keep them away. She is going to need to trade in for some new friends.


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## Dr. Strangelove (Jan 9, 2014)

The changes in her you mentioned in an earlier post point to depression, I'd have her evaluated for that by a professional.  If it really is only marijuana she is using, that's something you just quit, it isn't physically addictive.


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## ratlird (Jan 9, 2014)

I failed to mention in my post that she does have ADHD and has been on medication for that since the 5th grade plus her mother is by-polar although we haven't noticed any signs of that thankfully. Hopefully the counselor we get for her will be able to get to the root of the situation. She is very naive and problably gave in to per pressure from someone. I know who she got the weed from and where she got the pipes from (an Acworth gas station). If anything new comes along concerning this post I'll update but God willing this will be the end. Thanks again to all and God bless.


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## jesnic (Jan 9, 2014)

Sounds like you have a good start on heading this off to a positive ending. There is one more thing that MUST be done in order to control the outcome. You and your spouse must monitor her "friends". You will know you have made a difference in her life when she realizes that the people she is hanging out with are not really friends at all. I have been through this entire scenario and I have learned things that I wish I never had to. Teenagers have but one thing on their mind. They want to be accepted by their friends and will do anything to be a part of a group of like minded people. The police or other local, state or federal law enforcement will NOT take your side of helping your grand daughter in any way, shape or form. They do not have the same passion for helping (healing) the situation. Law enforcement should be a last resort if you realize you cannot cope and continue to influence her to make the right decisions. If the situation gets to point of her stealing, staying out with friends at all costs, you have lost the battle, as she no longer holds you in respect as a care giver or loving family member. You must not allow this to go the direction that you no longer have control. I know all that I am saying from very personal loving relationships. Remember, all she is looking for is acceptance. Be a mentor and provide her with the love she needs, not enabling her to skirt the right decisions. My prayers are with all involved.


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## Throwback (Jan 9, 2014)

I was going to suggest having a mental health evaluation before I read your last post. A good many mentally ill people self medicate. Prayers sent. 



T


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## turtlebug (Jan 9, 2014)

jesnic said:


> Sounds like you have a good start on heading this off to a positive ending. There is one more thing that MUST be done in order to control the outcome. You and your spouse must monitor her "friends". You will know you have made a difference in her life when she realizes that the people she is hanging out with are not really friends at all. I have been through this entire scenario and I have learned things that I wish I never had to. Teenagers have but one thing on their mind. They want to be accepted by their friends and will do anything to be a part of a group of like minded people. The police or other local, state or federal law enforcement will NOT take your side of helping your grand daughter in any way, shape or form. They do not have the same passion for helping (healing) the situation. Law enforcement should be a last resort if you realize you cannot cope and continue to influence her to make the right decisions. If the situation gets to point of her stealing, staying out with friends at all costs, you have lost the battle, as she no longer holds you in respect as a care giver or loving family member. You must not allow this to go the direction that you no longer have control. I know all that I am saying from very personal loving relationships. Remember, all she is looking for is acceptance. Be a mentor and provide her with the love she needs, not enabling her to skirt the right decisions. My prayers are with all involved.





Friends. To me, this is the most important thing. 

The trouble with my son started when his two best friends moved away the summer before their senior year. The three of them together were awesome kids. Lord how many nights I barely got any sleep for all the laughing and sneaking to the kitchen, up late playing video games. I was the mom that let them spend the night. I knew the other parents but if they were at my house, I knew where they were and what they were doing. I loved those other two  boys like they were my own. 

The new friends my son took up with when Spud and Chris left were bad news. Spoiled rotten rich kids that mommy and daddy's money had bought them top notch attorneys to get them out of the trouble they got into. I had teachers watching and helping but their influence was way stronger than mine. The first time my son ran away, he actually went to live with one of them. I had a phone conversation with the boy's mother that did not end well. She basically told me I was a horrible mother for not letting my son do what he wanted and that teenage boys needed their space and that it was all my fault that he ran away because I was too strict. It was later told to me by one of the teachers that was trying to help me that the boy's mother was notorious for buying alcohol for parties for the kids. 

It's like I asked my son during our first visitation at jail.... "Where are all of your friends now? Have they come to visit you?".


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## cowhornedspike (Jan 9, 2014)

Never forget that the most powerful pressure in the world is Peer Pressure.  Who her friends are will determine the outcome of this.


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## GranCazador (Jan 9, 2014)

Good Luck, Prayers for you and yours.


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## StriperrHunterr (Jan 9, 2014)

I'd say that was an awesome first step. It's sure to be a long road ahead, but you're on it and off to a good start. 

Good luck.


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## KDarsey (Jan 9, 2014)

Tbug...good point I forgot.
I told mine several times he needed a different set of friends, he always said its not the friends.
  My reply was this.....I don't play golf but if I started hanging out with people that do then eventually I will too...
Peer pressure is your worse enemy.


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## panfried0419 (Jan 9, 2014)

If the pipe is clear with a charred like bowl then could be meth


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## Wiskey_33 (Jan 9, 2014)

Yea, doesn't really sound like marijuana to me. That could have been the answer she gave you, but I'd be skeptic. She might be figuring she'd get in less trouble for smoking pot than smoking meth or crack.


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## pnome (Jan 9, 2014)

At 19, she is an adult, so you can forget about any of the sneaky pee test ideas.  You really shouldn't have looked in her purse either.  

Just be up front with her.  Ask her what the smell is, ask her what she's smoking.  Tell her no smoking of anything is allowed in your house.  Tell her you love her and let her know you're there for her if she needs help.  That's about all you can do until she realizes she needs help.


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## bluemarlin (Jan 9, 2014)

Some take the drug road by choice. They enjoy it and know it destroys their life. No one will be able to stop them. It's a choice they have to make on their own or be incarcerated away from drugs to stop.
Trying to intervene simply pushes them away from everything and everyone.. 
In my opinion, It will never happen unless they want to make the change. You have to accept that about someone you love... hard.. some can't do that and it becomes a time consuming, heart breaking circle.


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## turtlebug (Jan 9, 2014)

pnome said:


> At 19, she is an adult, so you can forget about any of the sneaky pee test ideas.  You really shouldn't have looked in her purse either.
> 
> Just be up front with her.  Ask her what the smell is, ask her what she's smoking.  Tell her no smoking of anything is allowed in your house.  Tell her you love her and let her know you're there for her if she needs help.  That's about all you can do until she realizes she needs help.



Legally, you can't force anyone over the age of 14 to submit to anything medical that they don't want to. I had the sign and the law posted in my previous office. 

However, as a parent, if your child doesn't know that, then there's no reason for them to. 

I'm sorry but even at 19 these days, especially someone who is falling to peer pressure and doing drugs, they do not have the functioning mental capacity of a responsible adult and need that guidance and intervention.

As far as looking in her purse, as long as someone is living under my roof and I'm paying the bills, I have the right to know what they're bringing into my home whether they want me to or not.


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## 242outdoors (Jan 9, 2014)

turtlebug said:


> Legally, you can't force anyone over the age of 14 to submit to anything medical that they don't want to. I had the sign and the law posted in my previous office.
> 
> However, as a parent, if your child doesn't know that, then there's no reason for them to.
> 
> ...





amen!


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## StriperrHunterr (Jan 9, 2014)

Purdy much.


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## 660griz (Jan 9, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> locked door,personal space,adult!!! how bout try to get her some help that she might need...threats aren't gonna do anything but push her away from the op....



In my house, it is all my space. Sorry. she can stop or get out. A risk of the other kids getting taken away(or worse) is not a risk I would take.


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## dawg2 (Jan 9, 2014)

Throwback said:


> I was going to suggest having a mental health evaluation before I read your last post. A good many mentally ill people self medicate. Prayers sent.
> 
> 
> 
> T


(Above in blue) Very true.  But it sounds like you know the issues, but sounds like her meds need adjusting or re-evaluation.  But in all honesty I think you have more going on than "weed."


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## madsam (Jan 9, 2014)

I truly believe that with that much drug paraphernalia
that you found that its much deeper than some weed. I hope
not. I will pray in the name of Jesus for you and your family.
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything ,but in everything,by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving present
your request to God.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 9, 2014)

660griz said:


> In my house, it is all my space. Sorry. she can stop or get out. A risk of the other kids getting taken away(or worse) is not a risk I would take.



this is an on topic thread,but legally it's not all yours...she has a right to her privacy at 19, as an adult,living in your house that you allow!!!


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## hummdaddy (Jan 9, 2014)

i am glad you took the route you did...you didn't burn any bridges except intruding on her privacy,but you didn't make an enemy ....rehab will help her if she wants to quit...self medication has been none to help people that suffer from bi-polar,and adhd is a precursor to the condition....getting on the right meds can help her tremendously...


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## Dr. Strangelove (Jan 9, 2014)

> If the pipe is clear with a charred like bowl then could be meth



That can also describe a glass marijuana pipe.

Strong marijuana can smell like skunk, and can straight stank up a car, bedroom, or clothes.  It has a very distinctive odor.

When you caught her smoking, did the room smell like chemicals? Weed smoke is pretty distinctive, even if you spray something you can usually still smell it, and it doesn't smell like chemicals.

The other thing that makes me wonder is that you didn't find her stash with the other paraphernalia.  If it had been weed, I would have expected there some left, unless she just happened to smoke her last bud at the time.  Most weed smokers that are into it enough to have two pipes are going to keep a pretty good stash on hand.

I wish you could post pictures of the pipe, something tells me you aren't dealing with just marijuana.


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## T-N-T (Jan 9, 2014)

I had a few friends in the past get really messed up with drugs.  Some couldnt be helped with lead pipe.  Their lesson just would not be learned.  Others,  stopped with just a small scare.  I do really hope and pray she turns easily.


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## Oldstick (Jan 9, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> this is an on topic thread,but legally it's not all yours...she has a right to her privacy at 19, as an adult,living in your house that you allow!!!



I have to disagree.  Yes, legally the police need a search warrant or permission to search due to the constitution.  But not me if I own the house and am not acting as landlord with rental contracts and such, and they are of age for their own legal responsibility.  Thus the dilemma how much do you take from a friend or relative before forcing them out on to own risk and responsibility?


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## hummdaddy (Jan 9, 2014)

Oldstick said:


> I have to disagree.  Yes, legally the police need a search warrant or permission to search due to the constitution.  But not me if I own the house and am not acting as landlord with rental contracts and such, and they are of age for their own legal responsibility.  Thus the dilemma how much do you take from a friend or relative before forcing them out on to own risk and responsibility?



i have my limit,but i treat an adult like an adult,even if they are living in my house....conversation can go along ways,without violating peoples rights....


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## bml (Jan 9, 2014)

Please, Please, Please, make sure it is only pot. From the symptoms and descriptions you list, it did not seem like weed. It would be prudent to verify this ASAP. If she has been using something harder like meth, she may tell you its pot to keep you off her back. DO NOT TAKE HER WORD FOR THIS. If this is something like meth, then it is much more serious than weed. Take her for a drug test.


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## bml (Jan 9, 2014)

madsam said:


> I truly believe that with that much drug paraphernalia
> that you found that its much deeper than some weed. I hope
> not. I will pray in the name of Jesus for you and your family.
> Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything ,but in everything,by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving present
> your request to God.





Dr. Strangelove said:


> That can also describe a glass marijuana pipe.
> 
> Strong marijuana can smell like skunk, and can straight stank up a car, bedroom, or clothes.  It has a very distinctive odor.
> 
> ...





dawg2 said:


> (Above in blue) Very true.  But it sounds like you know the issues, but sounds like her meds need adjusting or re-evaluation.  But in all honesty I think you have more going on than "weed."





Wiskey_33 said:


> Yea, doesn't really sound like marijuana to me. That could have been the answer she gave you, but I'd be skeptic. She might be figuring she'd get in less trouble for smoking pot than smoking meth or crack.





panfried0419 said:


> If the pipe is clear with a charred like bowl then could be meth



Much good advice. Get her tested ASAP. Do not wait. You have no idea of how convincing she will become if she is hiding something else. A test is the only way you will be able to either get her the help she really needs, or give you and your family peace of mind


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## hummdaddy (Jan 9, 2014)

where is taking your kid,an adult,that agreed to help,at their word!!!


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## bfriendly (Jan 9, 2014)

pnome said:


> At 19, she is an adult, so you can forget about any of the sneaky pee test ideas.  You really shouldn't have looked in her purse either.
> 
> Just be up front with her.  Ask her what the smell is, ask her what she's smoking.  Tell her no smoking of anything is allowed in your house.  Tell her you love her and let her know you're there for her if she needs help.  That's about all you can do until she realizes she needs help.



First thing I thought about was "Taking" her purse and looking through it .............We so think alike my friend.......^^^^^^^This

Prayers sent

Your house, Your rules...........Dont enable her


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## cowhornedspike (Jan 9, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> where is taking your kid,an adult,that agreed to help,at their word!!!



Yes, afterall she is not sneaky or anything and would NEVER do anything to break their trust. (unless you count doing drugs)

Get real man...they need to verify what she is telling them so they can all move forward and try to get this handled before it gets worse.  If she is telling the truth she shouldn't have a problem verifying it.


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## slip (Jan 9, 2014)

Most people can recognize the smell of weed, even the strongest dankest "skunk" weed. If it was just a awful smell that you couldn't recognize it very well might have been "legal" or "spice" and she just doesn't want you to know because of how much worse it is and told you its weed instead. When "spice" burns it smells like the worst burnt chemical smell you can imagine, but doesn't always smell the exact same, different packs have different smells so it changes a little but always smells like burning chemicals. Because it is, its random unknown chemicals sprayed on ground herbs. "Spice" changes people, I had a friend that I considered a brother who got on it heavily and in the end i found out he had been lying, cheating and stealing from me. He lost his job, got kicked out (was living with me) and last i heard was living in a tent. He's not the same guy i considered a brother.

If it is "spice", a drug test will be almost useless. There's a reason a lot of people turn to it when they get put on probation.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 9, 2014)

cowhornedspike said:


> Yes, afterall she is not sneaky or anything and would NEVER do anything to break their trust. (unless you count doing drugs)
> 
> Get real man...they need to verify what she is telling them so they can all move forward and try to get this handled before it gets worse.  If she is telling the truth she shouldn't have a problem verifying it.



was sneaky,smoking in their house,in her room?


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## cowhornedspike (Jan 9, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> was sneaky,smoking in their house,in her room?



This is the "on topic" forum so I will let it go at this point.  Without a doubt you are correct sir.  

Have a good evening.


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## T.P. (Jan 9, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> where is taking your kid,an adult,that agreed to help,at their word!!!



I just spit tea all over my computer screen! I owe you for that one!








You ain't got older kids do you?


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## brownhounds (Jan 10, 2014)

sounds like meth.  Meth is very popular lately among teens.


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## hummdaddy (Jan 10, 2014)

T.P. said:


> I just spit tea all over my computer screen! I owe you for that one!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



i don't think everyone is inherently evil,and don't want to live in a police state of mind like most of ya'll do!!!

she is not a kid,she is a young adult doing something that is not permitted in that house,or in this state...


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## Lindseys Grandpa (Jan 10, 2014)

I have had more conversations like this with family members than I can tell you. I wish I could give you as magic answer but there ain't one. What works on one person will do the opposite on another.

 Nobody on this forum knows her better than you. No matter what course you take make sure she knows that you still love and care about her. I hope one day you get back the girl you had before.


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## the HEED! (Jan 10, 2014)

hummdaddy said:


> i am glad you took the route you did...you didn't burn any bridges except intruding on her privacy,but you didn't make an enemy ....rehab will help her if she wants to quit...self medication has been none to help people that suffer from bi-polar,and adhd is a precursor to the condition....getting on the right meds can help her tremendously...



Ive been hesitant to comment in this thread as I dont have children and that its really no ones business but the OP, except he made it public here.

I can say from reading it over the days, jumping on HummDaddy like some posters did was uncool. The OP should have expected all opinions when he made it public on a public/diverse forum. I dont think HummDaddy has posted anything in a malicious way.

That being said, if it is only cannabis, you should thank your lucky stars OP, it is illegal, but the safest substance she could be using. However, lack of appetite is not a side affect of using cannabis. Pray it isnt synthetic or spice, that is pure poison and I saw a kid on it one time, it is the scourge of substances along with meth that kids are crazy enough to use, ignorance.

I have a friend whos daughter started using alcohol, wine, and moved to liquor, hard whiskey, and has caused herself and her daddy all kinds of problems and torment to the point he said his child was a lost cause. He spent a fortune, tried to talk to her about it to no avail. She has finally started to clean up her drinking and got a job but still drinks. He cant stop her, she 22, an adult. Its been a bad scene many a times for my buddy. But she has to make a choice to control herself, not her dad, not the law, not a doctor. 

Shes 19( your gdaughter), adult some say, but that gives her no rights to be doing what you dont allow in your home OP.
I hope things are resolved for both sides, as a teen I saw friends get lost in this mess by over zealous parents/guardians. But as one poster wrote, the worst thing to do is nothing. I hope your worries are resolved soon and final.


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## the HEED! (Jan 10, 2014)

also, there is a reason people use substances. alcohol, cigarettes, cannabis, etc. It is mind/reality altering. Whats the old saying "drowned your sorrows"?  So maybe there is a root issue to her trying/using it other than peer pressure, bad friends/rebelling.


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## Makeithappen01 (Jan 11, 2014)

I pray for you and your family.


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## j_seph (Jan 17, 2014)

To the OP, what's the latest. Hope and pray she is getting help and things are looking up for her and your family.


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## chase870 (Jan 23, 2014)

I'm a Bail Bondsman and see these things on a every day basis. I also had a long run with alcohol. I've been sober now for 13 plus years. No mater the substance a person uses the outcome will be the same in the end. Some things take the user to the bottom faster than others. Some people just need to hit rock bottom before they can begin to recover. Based on your description on the pipes and behavior, I bet the Meth Monster is loose. I hope Meth is not the drug she is one, as it is the most Evil and Vile substance on the face of the earth. If it is Meth you will have to take every measure you can to remove it from your house


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## Gaducker (Jan 24, 2014)

I can only tell you what did not work in my situation, My stepdad had trouble with his daughter when I was around 10 yo,  She started drinking in high school and was running with the wrong crowd although at that time I am sure its no diffrent from the crowds 90 % of us hung out with in high school.  I say this because I did the same thing as far as drinking in highschool.

    My parents tried to intervine as soon as they saw the drinking and they rode her hard all through highschool and as soon as she graduated she hit the road. Well the drinking never stopped and I am almost sure she was smoking weed when she left. AFter she left she was getting more involved in stronger and stronger drugs and my step dad went and got her out of jail more times than I can remember between the time she was 18 to 24 yo.  The arrests during this time frame were for anything you can imagine, dui, theft, burglary you name it she did it.

      He spent all kinds of money on fines and attorneys fees during this 6 year period and was a very broken soul at the end.  One night around midnight they came into my room to tell me Jeri was gone. She had taken her life and now that I am grown and have seen others deal with this I am convinced if they would have totaly cut the strings when she left the house on her own and not bailed her out and got her out of trouble all those times she would have hit bottom sooner and realized she was on her own before she got into the mind altering drugs that she was into at the end. 

     Now having said this my kids are 15 and 12 now and if I can be that strong if they were to get involved in something like this remains to be seen.  But I do know this having a sibling who did this kept me on the straight and narrow when it come to any kind of drugs.  I drank sure but when the weed came out this old boy would get up and leave.

I just think you gotta let em stand on there own when they think there grown.


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