# Just in case someone in here may have some experience



## TripleXBullies (Oct 2, 2012)

I am going through what has turned out to be an ugly divorce. It's pretty unfortunate especially for my daughter. Does anyone know how much my religious beliefs may impact my ability to get custody of my daughter? I would think that shouldn't affect it at all, but get a traditional baptist judge and who knows... I feel fairly certain she's going to bring it up.


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## JB0704 (Oct 2, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I am going through what has turned out to be an ugly divorce. It's pretty unfortunate especially for my daughter. Does anyone know how much my religious beliefs may impact my ability to get custody of my daughter? I would think that shouldn't affect it at all, but get a traditional baptist judge and who knows... I feel fairly certain she's going to bring it up.



In my experience, it all has to do with the best scenario for the child.  In my custody battle, religion only came up to the extent that each parent had to acknowledge the other parent's right to teach personal faith.  My situation was reversed from your's though, I was the Christian and the ex was not.  I won custody, but it didn't have much to do with faith but ability to parent.  Even in Paulding County, the system works to resolution, they want to avoid a judge having to decide things.

Be willing to place clauses in the custody which allow both parents to teach personal beliefs, and neither is allowed to belittle the other's beliefs.  

Divorce is awful man.  Good luck, and work for the best interest of that child, regardless of what that looks like.  Forget about "winning," and focus on a way to make that baby's life as normal as possible.  Sometimes, that means being willing to concede in certain areas for the greater good.

Shoot me a PM if you would like to talk more about what I experienced.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 2, 2012)

I tried that already. I offered 2/3 of my income, a new paid off car and car insurance and 85% of everything in the house for her to stay there for my daughter.. She agreed first then refused and changed my daughter's school a few weeks after she started this year. Took my 9 year old truck and put a nice calvin peeing on ex-husband sticker on it for my daughter to look at every day. 


This is a nightmare... and based on the pushback I have seen from so many different angles based on my religous views I just see a judge caring too.


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## JB0704 (Oct 2, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Took my 9 year old truck and put a nice calvin peeing on ex-husband sticker on it for my daughter to look at every day.



I'm nowhere close to a lawyer, but I think that shows her character and care for the welfare of the child.  

Also, make sure you don't trash her on facebook, or post pics of yourself drunk and stoned (if you do that sort of thing).  You want to be the "stable" parent who can provide the most beneficial environment for that baby.

The courts want everybody to get along, and will work to that end....at least in my experience in Paulding County.



TripleXBullies said:


> This is a nightmare... and based on the pushback I have seen from so many different angles based on my religous views I just see a judge caring too.



I don't think he will.  I honestly don't think he can.  Do everything you can to prove yourself a "worthy" parent.  I see a lot of custody arrangements going 50/50 these days.  If she is not providing stability for the child (yanking around to different school systems), that works in your favor as well.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 2, 2012)

Yeah, I know. We'll see. I just can't imagine the A word going over well in court.


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## JB0704 (Oct 2, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Yeah, I know. We'll see. I just can't imagine the A word going over well in court.



I can only imagine it causing problems if you say you don't want your ex to also convey her beliefs.

I had to agree to allow my son to hear both sides.  The way we handled it was that we just agreed, in writing (very important because you can use contempt of court as a helpful tool for enforcement), to respect each other's religious beliefs and not put down the other's beliefs to the child.

I know that may be a tough pill to swallow, but the more reasonable you appear to the judge, the better the outcome will be for you.

Also, hire the best lawyer you can afford.  I went out and got an absolutely evil woman lawyer who I knew had gotten custody for men in the past....it was worth every penny!  I would not try to do this alone.  Borrow, beg, whatever you have to do to raise funds to get the best lawyer around.  You will be glad you did.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 2, 2012)

I have all the money I need. I am not thrilled with my lawyer so far... but I am not a fan of throwing money away that I've already invested.


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## JB0704 (Oct 2, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I have all the money I need.



When I said "don't try this alone" I was referring to going into it without a decent lawyer, I had no idea your financial position.  The beg / borrow stuff was just to demonstrate the importance of gettin' a good one.

When I first got divorced I let my ex do so without a lawyer.  We ended up back in court several years later fighting over custody (even though she had already given me custody the first time).  I could have saved myself several years of hardship if I had jsut spent the money up front.


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## bigreddwon (Oct 2, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I have all the money I need. I am not thrilled with my lawyer so far... but I am not a fan of throwing money away that I've already invested.



A bad lawyer isn't an investment, its a disaster. If you dont LIKE him, fire him and get one you do..


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## centerpin fan (Oct 2, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I just can't imagine the A word going over well in court.



From what you've said, I can't imagine her actions going over any better.

Good luck.


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## ross the deer slayer (Oct 2, 2012)

JB0704 said:


> I'm nowhere close to a lawyer, but I think that shows her character and care for the welfare of the child.
> 
> Also, make sure you don't trash her on facebook, or post pics of yourself drunk and stoned (if you do that sort of thing).  You want to be the "stable" parent who can provide the most beneficial environment for that baby.



Wow THIS RIGHT HERE is some truthful stuff. I say a prayer for ya' hope everything works out for the best


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## Asath (Oct 3, 2012)

“Does anyone know how much my religious beliefs may impact my ability to get custody of my daughter?”

First, I offer my best sympathies.  This is never good for anyone. Been there, but not in Texas, so my experience will need to be taken as general rather than specific.

First, my thought would be to defuse the bomb of ‘custody’ unless your soon to be Ex is demonstrably insane or a threat to your child.  Animosities aside, if you feel that she is competent to fulfill her role as a mother to your child, then what you wish to ask the Court is Joint Custody, which allows you, legally, a voice in all decisions concerning your daughter.

If you make it a fight over all-or-nothing – custody or non-custody, the father almost always loses in court.  That part isn’t about you or her – it is about the best interests of the child, and the law nearly always decides on the Mother’s behalf unless she has been adjudged fully incompetent.  Your daughter needs to have a father, and unless you are willing to compromise on Joint Custody you will almost surely lose her, and she will lose you.

Your religious Beliefs ought to be none of the business of this sort of proceeding, in any Court of Law.  Unless you are a zealot who is so far out there that your ‘religion’ prevents you from allowing vaccinations and the like, your religion has nothing to do with it.  This is a matter of law, and is judged solely on the merits.

Be aware, unfortunately, that divorces are heard in a Court that is generally called ‘Family Court,’ and has no appeal to precedent.  Family Court is a court of opinion, not one of demonstration, and all of them view fathers as wallets with feet – Be very careful here.  Your anger is their reason to punish you further, and they make haste to do just that – as hard as it is, you must mark your words carefully, take care never to go on the record with anything other than concern, and keep Religion out of it.  The Judge doesn’t care if you are a Christian or a Muslim or a Buddhist – The Judge must make the best decision, with what is presented, concerning the welfare of the child.  Your child.

Not so easy.  You see.  But believe this part – the Judge in Family Court spends all day, every day, listening to everyone’s galloping tales of woe, and has heard all of it before – they ain’t interested.

 What you must present is not YOUR story, nor your Religious reasons --  you need to present your true reasons why your child is better off if you remain an influence in her life – as her one and only Father.

Just my two cent's worth.


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## atlashunter (Oct 3, 2012)

Don't think it should matter but in the bible belt you never know. I wouldn't bring it up and make sure your attorney is prepared if she does. Best thing to do in any court is keep your mouth shut and let your attorney do the talking. Hopefully you have a good one.


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## JB0704 (Oct 3, 2012)

Asath said:


> “Does anyone know how much my religious beliefs may impact my ability to get custody of my daughter?”
> 
> First, I offer my best sympathies.  This is never good for anyone. Been there, but not in Texas, so my experience will need to be taken as general rather than specific.
> 
> ...



Dang Asath, first time I have ever read an entire post of yours without disagreeing once.  Very well said.

HAving gone through one of these things, I can look back and see where I let my emotions cost me.  A level head focused on the child will produce the best results....if partnered with a very good lawyer.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

I understand all of what I've heard. My wife has a mental condition and is an alcoholic. I don't think that my daugther's health or well being is in immediate danger but there is definitely a cause for concnern. I had grounds for emergency full custody a few months ago, but I had my daughter with me, away from her and I drug my feet with getting a lawyer. 

I know that my religous beliefs SHOULD not matter. I just see that lingering in the back of a traditional judges mind. That it will sit there and think that growing up with an A dad is no way for a child to live.  

I guess my concerns with my lawyer are that he's telling me to keep paying for everything I have paid for. I am paying this incredible cell phone bill. Overages on internet. Crazy electricity bills in a house she just left and didn't bother doing anything with.  As much as leaving the ceiling fans running on her way out. Insurance on my truck that she strong armed away from me because I let her put in her name when I bought it so I didn't have to take time off of work. She knows I'm going to keep paying for that stuff so she's trying to bleed me with it all. I told her she needed to get rid of the truck because it's been having some issues, which I tried to get her to let me do several months ago... and she hasn't... She went as far as putting a Calvin sticker on the back with "ex-husband." It's completely obvious what all she's doing and he expects me to sit around and take it all. I see the benefit in remaining an adult through this, but it's got to stop somewhere... 

Then I think he's also pretty straight with me. Maybe he's appropriately not giving too much hope. 


My wife is horrible, yes. I am definitely not her. I am a responsible adult. But I am no angel myself. Of course there are two sides to every story. I feel the need to put that out there. I can't stand how I have seen these things go down with other people in the past and how this is going. Her family wants to kill me. Her dad had all his buddies ready to whoop me when I went to give her truck to her because she wouldn't let me get the registration renewed and I get my car back from her. Luckily I thought ahead and brought a cop with me. But it baffles me how people can be like that and go from some bit of respect to total hatred over something like this.


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## JB0704 (Oct 3, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Then I think he's also pretty straight with me. Maybe he's appropriately not giving too much hope.



The scary thing about hiring a lawyer is how much control they have over you and your child's future.  That is tough to deal with.  I hired an absolutely evil woman as my lawyer, and I disagreed with a lot of what she did, but in the end, she was smarter than me, and knew how to work the case to the ultimately most positive result.  It's just how the system works, and you have to put some trust in the lawyer's ability to do what they do.

If he is not working out, let him go.  Peace of mind has a value as well.



TripleXBullies said:


> My wife is horrible, yes. I am definitely not her. I am a responsible adult. But I am no angel myself. Of course there are two sides to every story. I feel the need to put that out there. I can't stand how I have seen these things go down with other people in the past and how this is going. Her family wants to kill me. Her dad had all his buddies ready to whoop me when I went to give her truck to her because she wouldn't let me get the registration renewed and I get my car back from her. Luckily I thought ahead and brought a cop with me. But it baffles me how people can be like that and go from some bit of respect to total hatred over something like this.



Hang in there 3x.  Continue being the adult.  Even though you are not comfortable with him, I think following the advice of the lawyer is a good thing because it shows you are responsible and want to "do the right thing" as far as paying the bills goes.  It shows you are not trying to hurt her, and not being vengeful.  Plus, you should have a decent paper trail proving your willingness to be decent about all this.  I know they charge by the minute, but maybe you should speak with your lawyer about your concerns.  Remember, he works for you.

It was smart to bring a cop with you to your ex's.   Are these "Pualding county" people you are dealing with?

People are dumb.  Divorce brings out the worst in everybody.  Try your best to keep it from bringing out the worst in you.  I know that is very difficult, I've been there.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

No. Her family is in Acworth and I took Acworth police.


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## JB0704 (Oct 3, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> No. Her family is in Acworth and I took Acworth police.



Ok.  That is much better.  Paulding county police are not the best bunch around....

Good luck with this thing.  Do you have a mediation date set yet?  I'll be pra....I mean...wishing you well


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

no. I have spent the last 4 months trying to work out an uncontested deal with her, getting it written up and then giving her time to have it looked at... because dispite her issues, she tries to have good intentions with my daughter... and I felt leaving her the house and the ability to continue taking care of my daughter there was best for my daughter, rather than starting this fight. After having the papers for weeks, she says she's not giving me joint custody because I obviously don't care for my daughter because I hadn't called her for two days while I was out of town at a "boot camp" training course. Then she wouldn't let me see her when I got back in town.... then I went and dumped a bunch more money on my lawyer...


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## centerpin fan (Oct 3, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> My wife has a mental condition and is an alcoholic.



I don't see how being an atheist is in the same ballpark as this.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

I agree. But I don't have the title MOTHER attached to me either.


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## JB0704 (Oct 3, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I agree. But I don't have the title MOTHER attached to me either.



That title doesn't mean anything if it is preceded with "mental condition alcoholic."  If you can prove that, you got a case.  The courts do not like alcoholics, or any substance abuse.

And, the fact that she is denying you access works against her, ultimately.  You are the one trying to work things out.  She looks unreasonable, and denying her the right to see her father hurts the child.  It shows she is willing to turn the child into a tool......which should never happen.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

The "tool" has definitely happened.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

Actually, I'd refer to it more like a weapon.


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## bigreddwon (Oct 3, 2012)

centerpin fan said:


> I don't see how being an atheist is in the same ballpark as this.



Some bible thumpers see it as worse, much worse.. If they happen to be the one wearing the robe in court, your screwed. He has good cause to be mindful of it IMO.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

Had a good conversation with my lawyer today. He says that technically it shouldn't, but he has no doubt that it will weigh on the minds of the judge.


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## Huntinfool (Oct 3, 2012)

XXX, I'll just be honest man.  In the South, your odds of a judge hearing the "A word" and NOT having if affect his/her decision are pretty low.

For many people, it would be like dooming the child to He|| intentionally to let her stay with you.  So, yes, I think it will impact the decision.

BUT...if what you're saying about the wife is true and you have proof that she abuses alcohol and that she's mentally unstable, I can't see any way that your "issue" would outweigh that stuff.  If you were given temp custody at some point because of her stuff, then I'd say you've got a good shot of winning custody...at least joint.

That said....man I'm just sad for you right now buddy.  We don't agree on a lot.  But that's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  What a painful thing to go through and to have your own kid used as a weapon against you makes it that much worse.

I know you think I'm wasting my breath...but I'm praying for you sir....and your wife and daughter as well.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 3, 2012)

I could have gotten emergency full custody a few months ago, but drug my feet because having her out of the house made things so much more peaceful... Then I missed my window. 

Thanks for the thoughts and yes the prayers too.


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## ted_BSR (Oct 4, 2012)

Asath said:


> “Does anyone know how much my religious beliefs may impact my ability to get custody of my daughter?”
> 
> First, I offer my best sympathies.  This is never good for anyone. Been there, but not in Texas, so my experience will need to be taken as general rather than specific.
> 
> ...



That is a good post Asath.

I feel for your trouble TripleXXX. Asath has posted sound advice here. You MUST get a top notch lawyer. Your religious beliefs should not have anything to do with it, but I fear they will. Has your ex ever been hospitalized or had any kind of treatment as a result of her conditions? Even way back before you met her? This could be a key piece of evidence for you.

Stay cool, get the best DAD lawyer you can, and be prepared to compromise in order to stay a part of your daughter's life. I will pray for you, or wish you well, or whatever you would like for me to do.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 4, 2012)

She hospitalized herself in March for alcoholism. She wanted them to send her to rehab but they wouldn't. She's been hospitalized several times for her mental condition.


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## Huntinfool (Oct 4, 2012)

Then you're good man....I wouldn't worry about it.  I know that's easy to say. 

That girl will live with you.


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## ted_BSR (Oct 4, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> She hospitalized herself in March for alcoholism. She wanted them to send her to rehab but they wouldn't. She's been hospitalized several times for her mental condition.



BANG! Get records! Bills paid, credit card statements, release papers, insurance claims, whatever you can dig up that proves she KNOWS she has a problem or two.

If it were me, my goal would not to be to shut her out of the daughter's life, but to ensure the daughter's safety and well being, and also to ensure that YOU stay in the daughter's life as much as possible. Proof of this information should be an excellent  bargaining chip.

I am not a lawyer. Get a good lawyer that you feel good about! I hope it goes well.


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## JB0704 (Oct 4, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> She hospitalized herself in March for alcoholism. She wanted them to send her to rehab but they wouldn't. She's been hospitalized several times for her mental condition.



If your lawyer is any good at all, you are good to go.  All this leaves a paper trail.

One other thing, you may want to keep all emails, texts, communications, etc. you have had with her through this process.  I know it's a pain, but it helped me a ton to have a long paper trail.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 4, 2012)

I've got thousands of emails, texts and now some recorded conversations. 
Although I think my daughter may very well be better off in the long run with no contact at all I don't want to let my emotions dictate that. My daughter needs a mom.

So I moved out of our house in March after sleeping in separate rooms for a while and seeing her make some changes. She agreed to live in the house for 3 years with me paying for everything. I really felt that would be the most stable thing for my daughter after seeing some change and realizing it would probably be the only way that she'd have a stable home living with her mother... If I paid for it directly. I think that was fairly stable for several months from what I could tell... Then she moved out to a different school district just weeks after the year started. Now this puts me in an bad situation. She's getting served next week... finally...


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## ted_BSR (Oct 6, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I've got thousands of emails, texts and now some recorded conversations.
> Although I think my daughter may very well be better off in the long run with no contact at all I don't want to let my emotions dictate that. My daughter needs a mom.
> 
> So I moved out of our house in March after sleeping in separate rooms for a while and seeing her make some changes. She agreed to live in the house for 3 years with me paying for everything. I really felt that would be the most stable thing for my daughter after seeing some change and realizing it would probably be the only way that she'd have a stable home living with her mother... If I paid for it directly. I think that was fairly stable for several months from what I could tell... Then she moved out to a different school district just weeks after the year started. Now this puts me in an bad situation. She's getting served next week... finally...



Stay with it bro. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Stay close to your daughter. Keep talking to her and telling her how much you love her. She needs to hear that it will be OK. She needs to be able to tell you if stuff with Mom is not going good.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 6, 2012)

Horrible day yesterday. I got a text from my wife yesterday asking if the power was still on in our house (no one has lived there for over a month). I had to ask why 4 or 5 times and it came down to, "We are leaving the XXXXXX's. I found out yesterday that it is a drug factory."

I got my lawyer on the phone and went straight to the school to get my daughter. Although I was allowed to check her out, the principal called her because I was asking the him and the counselor to get DFACS involved because she was now planning to change her school again.

Things went about like I had expected with her being there. She started mad and yelling then went to depressed. I was surprised she didn't get violent, but that may have been because the campus police was standing there the whole time. 

I'm not quite sure she realized what she agreed to with us all in the room, but I've got my daughter, I'm updating the school registration without her mother on it as a contact at all and I'm headed to court for an emergency hearing for full custody next week. I don't think she fully realized that I'm not giving her daughter back to her until some enforcer of the law tells me that I have to.


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## Ronnie T (Oct 6, 2012)

Best wishes in this for you and your daughter.
Just stay level headed and sane.  Always be the nice guy, but always be the strong minded parent who isn't going to stand for harm coming to your daughter.

From what you say, it's obvious that your daughter needs to be with you rather than her mother.  
Work to give your daughter a loving, carefree environment to live and grow up in.  And for everyone's sake, I hope things get better with your x.

Divorce is horrible.  It leave scars that are worse than death.

I've prayed on your behalf and your daughter's and her mother.


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## JB0704 (Oct 7, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I'm not quite sure she realized what she agreed to with us all in the room, but I've got my daughter, I'm updating the school registration without her mother on it as a contact at all and I'm headed to court for an emergency hearing for full custody next week. I don't think she fully realized that I'm not giving her daughter back to her until some enforcer of the law tells me that I have to.



Good luck, 3x.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 9, 2012)

They didn't have time to review the motion yesterday. Hoping for better luck today with time and that they decide to hear it.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 9, 2012)

Order signed. I have temporary custody until our hearing 10/31. I can breath.


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## ross the deer slayer (Oct 9, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Order signed. I have temporary custody until our hearing 10/31. I can breath.



Awesome man! I'm happy for you


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## ted_BSR (Oct 9, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Horrible day yesterday. I got a text from my wife yesterday asking if the power was still on in our house (no one has lived there for over a month). I had to ask why 4 or 5 times and it came down to, "We are leaving the XXXXXX's. I found out yesterday that it is a drug factory."
> 
> I got my lawyer on the phone and went straight to the school to get my daughter. Although I was allowed to check her out, the principal called her because I was asking the him and the counselor to get DFACS involved because she was now planning to change her school again.
> 
> ...



This day, as bad as it was, has allowed your soon to be ex-wife to dig herself into a hole, and you to be able to have your daughter in the safety of your care.

Hang in there. You are doing good.

I am glad you have gotten temporary custody. That is an answer to my prayers.


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## JB0704 (Oct 10, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Order signed. I have temporary custody until our hearing 10/31. I can breath.



That establishes everything.  Fantastic!  They are always hesitant to change things once in place.  They wouldn't have signed the temp. order if there wasn't a reason for it.  Good for you.....and good for your daughter!

I was a single Dad for a long time (5 years).  It's tough, and a sacrifice.  But extremely rewarding.  I have all kinds of little nuggets I learned along the way.  There are a lot more single dad's out there than folks would imagine.  Many women these days are nowhere near as committed to their kids as they used to be. I always like to hear stories of Dads stepping up and doing the right thing, and making the sacrifices necessary to give their kdis the best chance possible.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 10, 2012)

It's not a sacrifice. It's not even a responsibility. I have to.


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## bigreddwon (Oct 10, 2012)

JB0704 said:


> That establishes everything.  Fantastic!  They are always hesitant to change things once in place.  They wouldn't have signed the temp. order if there wasn't a reason for it.  Good for you.....and good for your daughter!
> 
> I was a single Dad for a long time (5 years).  It's tough, and a sacrifice.  But extremely rewarding.  I have all kinds of little nuggets I learned along the way.  There are a lot more single dad's out there than folks would imagine.  Many women these days are nowhere near as committed to their kids as they used to be. I always like to hear stories of Dads stepping up and doing the right thing, and making the sacrifices necessary to give their kdis the best chance possible.




Single dad here too, 5 year old little girl.. My situation wasn't too much different than his. Ive got full custody and I enjoy every single day of raising my daughter. My heart go's out to TripleX. I hope it works out, he has a tough road to travel, for him and his daughter. Stay strong, stay aware and keep calm, especially when you feel like...._not being calm..
_


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## JB0704 (Oct 11, 2012)

bigreddwon said:


> Single dad here too, 5 year old little girl.. My situation wasn't too much different than his. Ive got full custody and I enjoy every single day of raising my daughter...





It's a great experience.  I got custody of my boy when he was 3, I was 23.  It was a challenge, but also a TON of fun.  He and I still keep a few traditions that we had during those years before I got remarried five years later.

I didn't have a support system, so I wasn't really able to get out much.  But that was ok with me.  My boy was my primary responsibility, and any sacrifice I made to be a Dad was well worth it.....it was my job.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 12, 2012)

I love being dad. We went shopping the other day because she only had the clothes on her back and a few things I had at my house... I did a pretty good job. Now this hair... Jeez.. We both have curly hair, but mine isn't 2 feet long.. It's a mess.. 

I have a pretty great support system. My parents and my sister are really understanding. My sister has two boys, so she loves spending time with my daughter and she loves her for some odd reason.


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## JB0704 (Oct 12, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> I love being dad. We went shopping the other day because she only had the clothes on her back and a few things I had at my house... I did a pretty good job. Now this hair... Jeez.. We both have curly hair, but mine isn't 2 feet long.. It's a mess..



Good luck with the hair.  Since my kid was a boy, I just shaved his hair off starting at 3 yrs, and I saved a ton of money.  Probably not an option for your situation.




TripleXBullies said:


> I have a pretty great support system. My parents and my sister are really understanding. My sister has two boys, so she loves spending time with my daughter and she loves her for some odd reason.



Sounds good.  I had a bunch of folks say "anything we can do to help".....but when I called them, they always had something else more important, even my parents.  Support is always a big help, and I am glad you are gettin' it.


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## TripleXBullies (Oct 12, 2012)

I am living with my parents actually. Luckily they have a full finished basement so I don't have to live WITH them, but I can still eat their food and they are there to help so I don't have to miss more work than necessary.


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## mtnwoman (Oct 16, 2012)

I'm sorry that you're going thru this. Divorce is a nightmare even when it is civil.


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 1, 2012)

Court yesterday.. My wife showed up by herself, which was kind of sad. My mom, sister and my witness (one of my best friends) and of course my lawyer was there

My lawyer talked to her for a few minutes just after the judge finished reading the calendar. We talked for about 30 minutes in a room.... and she gave me primary custody. I'm not terribly concerned about her having her 4 out of 14 days.. and it was better than having to go to the judge. This was my main concern, that I be able to make the decisions about her life and provide a stable home for her. 

I think I believe her that she's not drinking. But she did say that she wasn't "allowed" to drink while she's living with her dad. Although her dad is a functioning alcoholic. We also stated that she this custody was only good if she continued to live with her dad. She stated that she "couldn't leave if she wanted to." I'm not really sure what that means. She's also going to go get evaluated for alcohol addiction.

Finally he asked her about her mental health and if she was back on medication. She said no, that she was fine and didn't need any medication... She's definitely manic right now. My friend saw her at the mall with 3 bags in her hand. She doesn't have a job, but she traded my truck for a Mustang and I hope she got cash too.. I just hope she didn't blow it all like that. 

Mediation will probably be in December.


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 1, 2012)

Ah... This Judge is VERY traditional... He is one of the judges that my lawyer told me would care more about the A word... He made two biblical references in the 30-60 minutes that I was in his presence...


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## JB0704 (Nov 1, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> Court yesterday.. My wife showed up by herself, which was kind of sad. My mom, sister and my witness (one of my best friends) and of course my lawyer was there
> 
> My lawyer talked to her for a few minutes just after the judge finished reading the calendar. We talked for about 30 minutes in a room.... and she gave me primary custody. I'm not terribly concerned about her having her 4 out of 14 days.. and it was better than having to go to the judge. This was my main concern, that I be able to make the decisions about her life and provide a stable home for her.
> 
> ...



Good for you.  Did you get the fact about the custody only being good while she lives with her dad in writing?  I couldn't tell if that was a verbal agreement post-meeting or if it was something y'all got set in stone.....'cause that will probably have to be re-visited when she gets remarried.

Very glad your daughter ended up in a stable situation.  Good luck on this next phase.....being a single dad.  I know you got a great system, and sounds like a good head on your shoulders.  

I have said this a bunch, but I was a SD for 5 years.  They were tough, but great years.  My son and I still have traditions that we developed during those times.  For instance, I am famously cheap. So every Christmas, I would take my son to the local tree lot and ask for the "charlie brown tree."  I would usually get the ugliest tree you've ever seen for about $15.  Then, when I got it home, I would let my boy decorate it.  Being he was 3-8 during these years, you can imagine how funny-looking that was......every ornament was in the same spot!!  Anyway, I got re-married, and new wife is very particular about having a "perfect tree."  So, I get two trees.  The "perfect tree" goes upstairs, and the "chralie brown" goes downstairs, where my son still gets to decorate it.....to remember those 5 years.  I get real sentimental about it every time.

Anyway, sorry to go on and on about it.  But I am very happy that she ended up in the best situation....too often that doesn't happen.

And, also, I am glad your ex had enough sense to do the right thing.


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 1, 2012)

Yes, it's all in writing. She signed my lawyer's jotted notes, he read it to the judge and then we both verbally agreed to it in front of the judge as the reporter took it all down. She will be getting an official copy to sign as well. Of course I won't expect her to stay that way long term. 

She had originally wanted to put something about us having overnight adult visitors with us when we had our daughter in our unconstested divorce... but then she decided she didn't want it..

I'm not really certain that it is sense that caused her to do this. Maybe partially... I don't know. Either way, it's the best situation for my daughter and she agreed to it in front of the judge.


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## JB0704 (Nov 1, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> She had originally wanted to put something about us having overnight adult visitors with us when we had our daughter in our unconstested divorce... but then she decided she didn't want it...



I think that's called a morality clause.  I have one in my custody arrangement.  It was to prevent the kid from seeing mom or dad having significant others sleeping over....I was worried such things would confuse the kid.  My lawyer said it wasn't real enforceable, but I put it in there, and she agreed.  So far, no real problems.  When my ex had a "live-in" my son just never spent the night with her.



			
				TripleXBullies said:
			
		

> I'm not really certain that it is sense that caused her to do this. Maybe partially... I don't know. Either way, it's the best situation for my daughter and she agreed to it in front of the judge.



Good deal.  I think in my situation, it was my ex just wanting out of responsibility, and that's why she gave away custody so easy.  But, your right, motive doesn't matter as much as the result.


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 1, 2012)

My daughter and I have one great past time that we started before her mother and I split up earlier this year. We were going to Mt. Tabor gym to play baseketball every Saturday morning, then I'd get her some QT nachos on the way home. Now that we live in Acworth, she still asks me every Saturday if we can go play basketball.


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## JB0704 (Nov 1, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> My daughter and I have one great past time that we started before her mother and I split up earlier this year. We were going to Mt. Tabor gym to play baseketball every Saturday morning, then I'd get her some QT nachos on the way home. Now that we live in Acworth, she still asks me every Saturday if we can go play basketball.



Nice!   

I know that park, btw, that's my voting precinct.


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## ted_BSR (Nov 4, 2012)

3X - Wow, it sounds like things are going very well! I am very happy that you have your daughter in YOUR care. Stay close with your family and keep that support. You are a brave and strong man. I have utmost respect for you.

And by the way, Halleluiah!!


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 5, 2012)

thanks ted.

New speed bump.. 

They hadn't spent any unsupervised time together in several weeks so I let her have her Friday night out of schedule. They were both whining about not seeing each other much, and of course the night off for me wasn't the last thing on my mind.. Saturday night I was asking her how her time with her mom was and if she had fun. She started telling me she didn't remember what they did on Friday night. My daughter has trouble remembering what she had for lunch that day so I asked a couple of times like I do about her lunch and she started getting visibly upset. I asked if she wasn't supposed to tell me and she said yes and that she was scared. I told her she didn't need to tell me anything she didn't want to and that she could stop being worried about it. It only took her a few minutes to get back normal.

I told my lawyer and he told me I should stick to the schedule and I should also not interrogate her. I didn't really feel like one day would hurt much and I agree I shouldn't interrogate my daughter. Anyway, now it's not only ok to lie to daddy, it's mandatory.

We spent the day at my house in Dallas on Sunday... 4 or 5 picture frames were smashed in the living room, every room was almost impossible to walk in. We spent 5 hours cleaning. Aside from why we had to clean it like that, it was actually pretty enjoyable to be back in our home just the two of us. She wants to move back there so she can go back to her original school. She started at the school my mom works at today and I met her teacher. She scored in the 99th percentile on the gifted test (can't remember what this one was called), so they have her in the class with the gifted teacher. I REALLY like this teacher. Now I'm hesitant to take her out of this school and back to Paulding county next year, but I feel like I want to move back next year. That's going to be a hard decision..  


Thanks to all of my bros here for the support!


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## ted_BSR (Nov 16, 2012)

Triple X, that young lady mind is a fragile thing. Treat her like gold, but be her Dad too. Her mother will always be a part of her life, and you cannot change that, but you can just love her, and try to make sense to her, and love her some more. Be the man she needs you to be, I know you can do it, you have already proven that. God Bless you both.


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 21, 2012)

Now she is refusing to sign the custody order that we both agreed to in front of the judge. She told me she isn't living with her dad any more, she's living here and there. All of her unsupervised visitation was contingent upon her living with her dad. She told me she may be moving to Cumming with her  boyfriend and wants the visitation there. She says that because our daughter has a blast around this guy that it's appropriate for her to be around them sleeping together. It has been 8 months since our daughter has seen us sleeping together but IMO she still isn't ready yet... Since the only thing signed by a judge is my temporary emergency custody, that's what I've still got. 

I've been cleaning my house that she left a mess of since we made this agreement on 10/31 because she also agreed to stay out of it and it was part of that order that she's not signing now. I was actually headed back to my parents from cleaning the house last night when she called me, on something, telling me she wanted to go there today to get some stuff. I told her I'd be there today and I would get it for her and she went off... I recorded most of that conversation and I hope it's pretty obvious that she was on something.

I talked to her dad yesterday. The guy who threatened me in front of a cop. He said he kicked her out because was only staying there a couple of days out of the week and she blew several thousand dollars after selling my truck and talking with him about the extra cash she kept after buying an old v6 mustang being emergency money that she needed to save for the future.. He said he wasn't willing to continue helping her if she wouldn't help herself. He said that his cousin's house wasn't a "drug factory" but that she did take Rx pills for an injury she had. My wife made that part up to try to take the focus off of them kicking her out. I suspected that was a possibility at the time.


WHAT IS NEXT??????????????????


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## stringmusic (Nov 21, 2012)

Dang brother, you're going through a lot!! 

Hope things get better soon for you.


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## JB0704 (Nov 22, 2012)

3x, my ex tried to go back on tentative agreements reached in mediation, and my lawyer had none of it.  If she has a drug problem, you should have no problem getting her unsupervised visits revoked.  The courts don't like druggies if there is a stable parent in the picture.

It also sounds like she is having a money problem.  You may be able to win through attrition.  If you can, you may need to outspend her in court.

Either way, this is messed up.  Moving in with somebody 8 months after a divorce is idiotic.....at best.  Dangerous as well.  I am so sorry you are going through with this.


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## TripleXBullies (Nov 29, 2012)

She had around $4000 in per pocket after selling my truck and buying a new car... She has none now apparently... and none of it was spent on a lawyer. She's not going to be spending anything on a lawyer. She managed to spend nearly NONE of that money on anything that made sense. Hopefully she paid 6 months of car insurance at least.

She left our house that I offered to continue paying for, she got kicked out of her first blood relatives house, then her dad kicked her out... She's spent all of the cash out of selling my truck... I don't feel like I owe her anything else...


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## TripleXBullies (Dec 27, 2012)

She was driving drunk on Sunday and attempted suicide by driving in to a tree. She missed the tree but blacked out somehow. She told the officer that she was trying to kill herself because she sucked at life and couldn't even successfully kill herself. Rather than also look in to the alcohol, it seems he tried to take an easier way out and put her in an ambulance to the ER. She wasn't injured physically at all. She was kept at Cobb Hospital Behavior for several days and they released her... That kept her from seeing her daughter on Christmas day... And guess who had to be the bearer of that great news....


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## stringmusic (Dec 27, 2012)

TripleXBullies said:


> She was driving drunk on Sunday and attempted suicide by driving in to a tree. She missed the tree but blacked out somehow. She told the officer that she was trying to kill herself because she sucked at life and couldn't even successfully kill herself. Rather than also look in to the alcohol, it seems he tried to take an easier way out and put her in an ambulance to the ER. She wasn't injured physically at all. She was kept at Cobb Hospital Behavior for several days and they released her... That kept her from seeing her daughter on Christmas day... And guess who had to be the bearer of that great news....



Dang bro, sounds like she is going down hill fast.

Hate it for you and the youngin'.


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## TripleXBullies (May 13, 2013)

Judge made a decision last Wednesday.. Just waiting for some ink to dry!


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## stringmusic (May 13, 2013)

TripleXBullies said:


> Judge made a decision last Wednesday.. Just waiting for some ink to dry!



Ending with the exclamation mark, I'm guessing everything went relatively well for you?


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## TripleXBullies (May 13, 2013)

As well as it could have. I'll probably end up back in court before too long... I'll give some details once it's signed.


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## ted_BSR (May 17, 2013)

TripleXBullies said:


> As well as it could have. I'll probably end up back in court before too long... I'll give some details once it's signed.



Stay strong 3X! You are obviously the stable force in your daughters life. Keep being that!


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