# Wife asked for a divorce



## bigswede3423

After 14 years of marriage, my wife sent me an email asking for a divorce.  I have not been perfect, but I have bailed her out of financial crisis more than once.  The first was $20,000 of credit card debt.  I found out a few months ago that she filed for bankruptcy in June 2010 and didn't tell me.  I found about it when I went to buy a house.  I have stayed with her through all of this but now she wants out.  I have two daughters, 12 and 5, and I am crushed.  We recently moved back to Tennessee after I got a promotion and it's closer to grand parents.  I should have seen it coming, but had blinders on.  Sorry about ranting, just wanted to vent a little.  Please pray for my daughters and I.


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## georgia357

Prayers sent for your daughters and you.  Good luck also.


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## deermaster13

prayers ent for you and your girls.


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## HighCotton

Money and infidelity are the cause of most divorces.

Just make darn sure you don't get saddled with her financial problems in the settlement.

Good luck to you and your daughters but, under the circumstances, you'll be better off without the wife.


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## Dog Hunter

Been there bud.  You got them.  Stay strong and be the man your daughters need.


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## doenightmare

I know it seems dark right now but hang in there. "This too shall pass". Prayer sent for you and the girls.


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## grouper throat

I am currently underway with mine and it sounds very similar to your situation. I too have my daughter in the middle of this mess. I am praying for you and I can tell you my faith helps me through the bad times.


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## DeepweR

i just went through it to brother,,,, it hurts like u know what at first,,,,, but things get better, trust me..... stay strong man!!!


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## bigswede3423

*wife*

Guys, I really appreciate the support.  I am extremely tight with my daughters, especially my 12 year old.  She hunts with me every chance she gets.  I hate it for them, it's tearing me up.


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## Inthegarge

Swede, praying for your family and the peace only God can provide........


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## tournament fisher

*praying for all of you*

i have been there and done that my friend. i can tell you this. once the smoke clears you will feel so much less pressured. just take care of your babies and let them know that daddy will always be there with them . i promise you that it will most certainly get better.


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## John I. Shore

Praying for you brother.  Keep taking that baby hunting and outdoors, may peace be with you and yours.  Them babies will see what a man their father is.  If it was easy, everyone would do it.


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## Paymaster

Sure sorry to hear about your troubles. Prayers are added for you.


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## dawg2

Terrible news, hang in there.


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## georgia_home

Hang tough brother! It stinks for all, but the ship will right!

A prayer for the family!


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## Ronnie T

I'm praying that thru God the marriage will steady itself and your family will stay together and it will be filled with mutual love by everyone.


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## Dr. Strangelove

Been through it, though no kids.  It's going to get rougher before it gets better, but it will get better, you just have to remember that.

Don't become bitter, do what's right even if it some don't agree with you, and remember that better days are ahead.

Look at this as a new start in life, whether you stay wife your wife and forge a new relationship, or move on to something that makes you happier.


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## Sargent

Sent.


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## bigswede3423

First of all, I want to say thanks for the support.  For anybody who has been through this kind of thing, you know how hearing encouragement makes you feel better.  We had dinner last night and she's moving out this weekend.  I have contacted an attorney to take care of my interests.  Not knowing how much it's going to cost me, I've decided to sell a lot of my things including some of my guns and hunting stuff.


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## HighCotton

bigswede3423 said:


> First of all, I want to say thanks for the support.  For anybody who has been through this kind of thing, you know how hearing encouragement makes you feel better.  We had dinner last night and she's moving out this weekend.  I have contacted an attorney to take care of my interests.  Not knowing how much it's going to cost me, I've decided to sell a lot of my things including some of my guns and hunting stuff.



Not much reason to be selling stuff you know she wouldn't want in a settlement.  Keep your stuff man.  You can always sell later only if you have to.


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## bigrob82

brother i am praying for you and your daughters... i'm going thru the same thing and its hard to see your babies hurt but god will keep them and you as long as you pray


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## Cadcom

Swede I understand your pain. My marriage of 21 years will be over Sept 26th. 2011.  It does get better if you can start to accept the inevitable, I struggled with that but once I accepted it I feel better everyday and you have to pull through it for your kids. Try and remember this - when your kids are older THEY will remember who was the sane, responsible parent they can always count on. I know that will be me and it sounds like that will be you also.


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## bigswede3423

First of all I want to say thank you for the encouragement.  It has really helped me stay sane.  She is moving out at the end of the week.  Custody is going to be divided 50-50 or as close as we can get it.  I will have to pay child support but I'm ok with that.  I am praying that my daughters will be ok.  I can't thank you guys enough for the support.


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## Milkman

I have been where you are. It is tough. 

Remember this ............. make NO decisions based on emotion.  You MUST remain financially solvent in order to provide for those kids.  It is evident from what you have shared that their mother will not be financially sound for years to come.

Think, and then think again, and then consult your attorney before you even give her 15 cents. 

You have a good life ahead of you don't mess it up with giving all your stuff away. Dont sell anything.  What is she going to sell?

Prayers will only help if you help yourself.


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## westcobbdog

hang in there Swede..hope you get a good atty that protects your interests.


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## bhblackwell

sorry to hear that prayers sent


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## Greaserbilly

IMMEDIATELY cancel her credit cards in joint name
DO IT NOW

Check your credit and watch for new loans she may have taken out that are joint.


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## bigswede3423

Greaser, your advise is right on.  I bank with USAA and signed up for their credit monitoring.  It's the best $5 a month I have ever spent.  If my name or social is run it alerts me via email.  Unfortunately, I signed up for it later than I should have.  If anybody ever goes through what I am going through, immediately run a credit check on yourself.


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## state159

Sorry to hear about your troubles. If one spouse wants a divorce, then a divorce it is, in my book. A marriage cannot be one-sided.


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## Melissa

prayers sent


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## Jranger

Hang in there Brother...You'll be in our thoughts and prayers...


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## Hut2

I've been there buddy, try hard to do what's best for you & your girls only! Prayers sent, greater things are in store for you.


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## dawg

prayers with you!


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## leightonr

Well in any language, it really is very hard to go through divorce.  Even if you know for yourself that you can stand on your own and support yourself, you still lose a portion of yourself.  

Even if you had a pretty good run, there will be times like this and I think that it can be resolved internally.  And I think that she is on the losing end here. As you have stayed with her even all trying moments but you came out strong. And though you could encourage her, it still is going to be her at the end.


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## KDarsey

It is the worst thing you can imagine right now I know. I have been there too.
  A couple of things that sound mean & hard...DO NOT pinch your pennies when hiring that Lawyer. Hire the best one you cannot afford.
....Do Not try to be a nice guy thru this. It will bite you in the rear. I am not speaking out of bitterness...experience.
Keep those girls behind the scene & out of the fire as much as possible...they don't need nor deserve this. 
  I hated it when people would tell me it will get better...but it does.
It has been almost 12 years since my almost 25 year marriage ended.
As someone else mentioned be sane & behave yourself and those girls will always respect & love you for it. Mine do.
  Just do what is right, look out for your girls & yourself. It will be tough in the begining but there are some great days ahead!


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## Ole Crip

You and your girls are in my prayers along with your wife.Hold your daughters tight and be their rock.Keep your head and stay focused on what really matters your babys.


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## glynr329

Do not get a woman lawyer like I did. In the end I was not sure if she was my lawyer or her lawyer. The best thing you can do is be strong and do everything in your power to stay on top. Prove to everyone who is the better person. My youngest son did not like me at all for a long time because of the things my ex told him. I never gave up and he knows the truth after he grew up a little. No matter how bad things get do not say bad things about your ex around your girls.


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## Okefenokee

2x on hiring a good lawyer ! Try to get her to go to mediation, it will save you money .Think about what you want, dont give in to any of her demands , her lawyer will always go for the max on child support. You are a good dad do not let her use your girls against you,every dollar you keep in your pocket is one that can be spent on your daughters when you have them. You will get thru this!


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## quacksmacker31

Prayers sent brother. Just keep pressing forward and god will straighten it out for u. He has plans and just stay on the path that he has made for u and don't stray away.


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## plumber_1969

I would ask you this, why not fight for your daughters? I did it and got custody. I do not regret a single moment. Just like another said, hire the best lawyer you cannot afford. This is pure business at this point. She will take you for everything she can and her attorney will not hold back so why not fight for custody. Anyone (man or woman) who hides or lies about their financials to their spouse is guilty of cheating (in my opinion). She was not 110% commited to your marriage. I have been there brother and please understand that the sun still comes up in the east and what a glorious sunrise it is. Life is way too short to be miserable.


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## MTMiller

sorry to hear about your troubles.  Hang in there and I'll be praying for your family.


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## lablover

Sorry to hear about your troubles, but it does get better.  Hang in there.


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## bigswede3423

Kdarsey and plumber, I did take your advice and hired one of the best attorneys in the area.  He has a great reputation and very aggressive.  Yes, it will cost me a little more, but it's worth it.  He is also a criminal defense attorney and is well known in the area.


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## CaptainCraig

*Be Strong*

Keep your head up. If she is filed for bankruptcy last year without telling you, then there are probably more skeletons in her closet. Trust is one of the most important factors in a marriage. But, life finds a way to go on even when it seems that things will never look up again. Keep your chin up, and be strong for your girls. Maybe things can be reconciled. Keep your faith strong and you will find your way through this. Prayers are with you.


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## bigswede3423

*divorce*

Well I got my papers friday and went to see an attorney monday morning.  I did hire one of the better attorneys in the area so I do feel better about going to mediation.  She is asking for asking for everything she can get including temporary, permanent and lump sum alimony.  We don't think think she'll get anything except part of my 401K, which we are going to fight due to her excessive credit card debt and bankruptcy.  I have learned a lot after talking to my attorney.  

-  If you have helped your spouse pay off debt like I did several years ago, it looks bad for you because you have condoned the behavior.
-  If you have stayed with your spouse after she filed for bankruptcy, if looks bad because you have tolerated her behavior.  
-  If you have been responsible with your finances but your spouse has not, you will be punished for that.  

I have hired the best attorney I can afford and although we haven't been to mediation, I know I will have to pay for her mistakes.  His advice to anyone is that if your spouse is doing things behind your back, either infidelity or money issues, get out.  The court system will look at you in a different light.  

We are filing a response this week and turning everything around on her and asking for anything we can get from her.  I'll keep you posted.


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## Da Possum

I'm amazed that she was able to file for bankruptcy without you knowing.  I would think that creditors, the courts would be sending stuff in the mail.  Oh well; good luck to you sir.


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## Big Doe Down

prayers sent. I hope everything works out and becomes easier for you.


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## chadf

Have y'all finalized ?

Mine was nasty, but I came out dang good ! 
Pm for questions.


FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS! YOU WANT FULL CUSTODY, BOTH LEGAL AND PHYSICAL ! 

There's an underlying reason for this divorce, I'd suggest you find it......


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## Greaserbilly

> The first was $20,000 of credit card debt. I found out a few months ago that she filed for bankruptcy in June 2010 and didn't tell me. I found about it when I went to buy a house. I have stayed with her through all of this but now she wants out.



Now you know why she married you
and given you've paid her bills and she's discharged them basically in your name, she's bolting

Don't waste any tears.
Protect your assets, get your kids
And be thankful that hot mess that played you for a sucker is GONE.


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## Oak-flat Hunter

May all these prayers including mine strengthen and comfort You and Your daughters...


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## Teambuckslayer

I agree with what some of the other fellows said GET YOUR OWN LAWYER to look out for you don't give nothin you don't have to. Things get better with time I know.


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## mattp

I'm about in the same boat; mine lied about, hid and spent just about penny of savings we had while I've been working two jobs thinking we were broke the whole time. I always tried to give her anything she wanted and let her do the things she wanted...and now I'm the one that's getting screwed.


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## Depthfinder

Keep your head up man, we're all pulling for you.  Here's you a song for when you pull through it-Roy Clark "Thank God And Greyhound".


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## Lorri

Sorry about going through a divorce - it is tough for everybody - just keep your daughters the most important thing in your life no matter what - also put God first in everything you do. Keeping you all in my prayers.


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