# best**** funniest****Fishing Stories?



## NateJ (Apr 8, 2011)

Im just curious if yall would like to put down yer funniest mishap/stroke of bad luck/oddball/wierd/or crazy fishing story that you have experienced. Im sure everybody would love to read 'em.


I reckon I'll get the ball rollin-

 When I was prob around 14 I was out bottom fishing with a neighbor friend and his dad. My buddy's dad was the real big shot type that knew everything about everything and all you had to do was ask him and he would be more than willing to let you know just how smart he was.

 Well, ole bigshot done hooked him a 12" river catfish, and he didnt like a "trash fish" like that wasting his time. I guess he thought it would be real cool to pop the fish off the hook by slappin it against the outside of the hull repeatedly. When that didnt work, he tried pulling the hook out by hand, but no success.

 Getting more frustrated by the second, he slams the catfish down on the deck and jumps up to grab some pliers. Well when he threw that fish down on the deck I reckon that fish had just enough life left in him or some kinda nervous reaction, but that ole dorsal spike thing those fish have stood straight up and bigshots foot came straight down on top of it.

 I knew some cuss words at that age but I learned a whole alot more that day. 

 Hope yall post some of your own stories and experiences.


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## Bryannecker (Apr 9, 2011)

*Broken Rod and Still landed a Big Redfish*

I ventured offshore with a tag along to one of my favorite drop and 
      allowed Ben Wilkinson and Ennis Hager to fish off my bouy the other side 
      of it. 

      Well, brothers we commenced to catch a goodly number of finned critters 
      when Ennis hooked up with a monster of the deep. My fishing side-kick 
      allowed that, "It must be a big ole Ray or Shark." I said, " No it has to 
      be something else."

      Soon after it rolled the surface and I shouted to Benny and Ennis that it 
      was a monster red. Aside: We got one there two weeks ago, and I have 
      caught several there over the years. Ennis was on the rod, which he got as 
      a retirement gift on his retirement from the Air Guard. He continued the 
      fight for a good twenty minutes and then, all of a sudden, the reel fell 
      clean off the rod and Benny had to help him put it back on the reel seat. 
      The fight continued for about ten more minutes while Ennis kept telling 
      Benny to get the net. I shout for him to slow down the fight but not to 
      touch the drag when he asked if he should increase it. All the while, 
      Lonnie Harn and I laughed and shouted instructions. 

      I did manage to retrieve my camera and start snapping shots of the action. 
      Then out of the blue the good ole trusty rod broke about mid-way up, and 
      benny started to hand line the fish in. So, I shouted for them to use the 
      reel and what was left of the rod to get the critter into the boat. Ennis 
      was plum tuckered out so he handed the rig over to Benny, rested a bit, 
      and then took it back. After a couple of tries Benny landed him and they 
      were both elated. Oh, I did advise them that any possible IGFA record was 
      null and void due the hand-off of the rod between them. The red measured 
      44 inches and had a 10 inch girth, so it may be the twin of the one we 
      boated two weeks ago. After several photos, they revive big red and let 
      her go. Ennis vowed to have a replica mount for his personal Christmas 
      present. 

      Soon thereafter they departed to hunt for some Sheepshead, inshore. We 
      fished on for another hour but it seemed to be a bit dull, after the show 
      these angler put on with the Big Red and the Gift Rod. 
Capt. Jimmy


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## Capt. TJ Cheek (Apr 9, 2011)

Well when I was 13 I went fishing along with my cousin who was 15 at the time. 

We went to our favorite Black Drum drop right down the river from Hickory Bluff in a little 14 foot john boat with a 25 Mercury.

I was supposed to be home at dark, but being a kid, we fished right up until dark.

That was when that ol' drum decided to eat the crab that we had soaking on the bottom. 

We were using Bass tackle with 10 or 15 lb line because that was all we had.

That drum was dragging us all over the Little Satilla. When we got him up to the boat we had no idea how to get him in the boat. But we had a shovel that we brought to use as a paddle, and we ran the handle into his mouth and out of his gills and heaved him (or her) over the side.

Well by now it's 45 minutes after dark, and this was before every toddler in the country had a cell phone to call Mom with. I knew I had some explaining to do. 

We were very excited and we ran right back to the Bluff to get that fish to the pecan scales. We pulled the plug on our run back to drain the water out of the boat that came over the side while we were getting the fish in.

We ran up to the store with the fish and weighed it. It was 51 pounds.

Our parents were pretty forgiving considering our ordeal.

That night, we get a call, and a guy says that our boat is sinking at the dock. We never put the plug back in.

We ran down there to find three guys doing their best to keep the engine above the water, and failing miserably.

We were able to pull the boat up on the dock, but when we looked up, there was life jackets, tackle boxes, throw cushions, and all kind of stuff floating down the river.

We made a snatch hook and managed to catch 1 tackle box, 1 fishing pole, a stringer, a battery, and a bag of pogy meal.

We spent the rest of the night pullings plugs, spraying WD40, and snatching on the pull rope.

But we caught one nasty drum.


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## Rodsmith (Apr 9, 2011)

Isn't it amazing what we can go through to live out our favorite hobby!
  Guess I will throw one of mine in, just for fun. 
  A beautiful september morning, just last year, the wife and me were set up on a redfish drop. Everything was going great, the fish were biting steady,water was beautiful, it was a glorious day! Well, then came the NNE wind, not too bad at first, but within a few minutes it had to be kicking around 25  knots and steady. The fish were still biting, but the boat was like a pendelum in a clock.Back and forth, back and forth(only have one anchor on board). During all of this the anchor finally broke loose and we were headed into the shell bed ridden marsh. My wife was on the front deck in her lawn chair and as I was running up to throw the trolling motor down, my left foot found a sharp,hard edge on her lawn chair. Not only did it cut my toe rather badly, it broke the rascal as well! By the time I got the boat settled back down on anchor, that thing had started throbbing and hurting so bad I almost tossed my cookies! Finally, it started easing enough for me to say lets just go home. Pulled up and took off up the creek mad and still hurting, and had went about a half mile and dare I admit this....ran out of gas...Luckily, we were not far from the Cloister dock, and with the help of the trolling motor, finally got there against the wind and called a buddy to bring me some gas. That was a long wait with a broken throbbing toe, but we made it home once again. I can't say I will not get hurt out there again, but I will guarantee that I will not run out of gas again!!


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## NateJ (Apr 9, 2011)

some dang good stories fellas.....


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## oldenred (Apr 9, 2011)

I remember a fly in trip to Canada near 20 years ago. Everyone put a bet on who would get the biggest brook trout. Well 5 days pass and it was the morning to leave and the biggest one caught was about 2lbs. Decent lil brookie. Everyone in the camp had paid up to the guy except my father who said he still had the morning to fish. Well from the dock at the camp he decided to throw some cast after everyone had been fishing all over this 15 mile lake and some surrounding ponds. Low and behold my father catches 2 trout, one of them a 6lb and the other a 5lb right from the dock in view of everyone. The look on the guys face when he had to hand the money over was amusing to say the least and he had a big slice of humble pie.


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## NateJ (Apr 9, 2011)

I got another one.

 When I was around 16,  my cousins were in town and they wanted to go to Cumberland Island for the day. So I ran 'em over in my barely sea worthy death trap, "Big Red".  Red was one of those old, early 60's, 16 ft fiberglass bowriders, getting pushed by an ancient Evinrude 33. I loved that boat more than anything in the world, at the time, and would have lived on it, if my folks woulda let me.

 Well I just made my run, and I was scootin back to St Marys and made the fateful decision to cut across some CLEARLY MARKED shoals. Well just when I think everythings going good, ole red pops outa the water like a stunt from a Smokey and the bandit movie. The sudden stop throws me over the windshield and up on the covered bow. The motors kicked up, screamin in protest,  spraying mud and muck all over the place. 

 Well I get everything calmed down, dust myself off, and evaluate my situation. Im stuck 10-20 yards up on a mud flat, sitting in a few inches of water, and the tide is exiting stage left rapidly. I drop the motor back in the mud, locked it down, fire it up and put in reverse. That dont work, so I reckon I gotta push. I dont want my mama to beat me half to death for ruining good clothes (cause my cousins was in town). So I, take a quick glance around, strip down to my drawers and jump out. 

 Im pushing and rocking and rocking and pushing, and I'll be danged, its actually working. Slowly but surely im gettin ole red back in the floating water. Well Im working like a cheap mule in my whitey tightys  and just did get ole red back enough to float the stern and outboard. 

 I hop back in, fire it up, and power on off that mud. Oh joy of joys! Just then I hear a really loud horn sound off a few toots and look over in that direction. About 75 yards off port, is the ferry boat, Cumberland Queen, loaded with tourist. They seemed very impressed with my underware exploits, due to the standing ovation and waving I got from them. I slowly hung my head and waved back. 

 To make matters worse, the ferry boat was heading back to dock in St Marys, which is 50ft away from the public dock I was using. No way in creation was I gonna go back now and face all them folks. So I decided to sightsee for about an hour....... in the opposite direction.


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## FASTnSPEEDY (Apr 11, 2011)

NateJ said:


> I got another one.
> 
> When I was around 16,  my cousins were in town and they wanted to go to Cumberland Island for the day. So I ran 'em over in my barely sea worthy death trap, "Big Red".  Red was one of those old, early 60's, 16 ft fiberglass bowriders, getting pushed by an ancient Evinrude 33. I loved that boat more than anything in the world, at the time, and would have lived on it, if my folks woulda let me.
> 
> ...



Great story, I myself misjudged that ferry's wake one time only to take a wake over the bow of my flats boat. Embarrassing but nothing like your story, thanks for sharing!


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## erock (Apr 11, 2011)

I'll try to keep this one as clean and short as I can.

 Years ago, after I got my captains license, I started working for another captain who had been in the business for along time and I was going to run the boat for him. The first few weeks I was the "first mate" on the boat just so he could show me some of his spots and what he normally does on the water.

 Well, one day in July we had a trip in the morning and one that afternoon. At lunch he informed me that we was cutting me loose and the next trip was all mine. A wave of excitement and nervousness came over me. 

My clients show up at 1. They were 3 soldiers from Ft. Stewart who were spending the weekend on Jekyll. I soon found out that they had stayed up the previous night drinking Jager and who knows what else till 4am. Not good. We left the dock on a hot windy July day and headed out.

After about 45 minutes of fishing for sharks in less than calm seas, I noticed that all three were starting to get very quiet. Then one of them informed that his stomach was killing him and he need to go #2. I told him Id take them back to the marina or he could use the bucket on board. No time for a ride back so he opted for the bucket. This is when things went from bad to worse. Let me tell ya, it sounded like the devil himself was leaving this man. I didnt think humans were capable of such noises. This was too much for one of the other guys and he began to upchuck over the side of the boat and developed a nice chum slick which, believe it or not, the seagulls found interesting. I, stupidly, made the remark about one of the gulls swooping down and grabbing a chunk. That was too much for the other two guys. They began to purge themselves as well. One of them while he was still on the bucket.

After a few minutes of some sights and smells that I hope I never have to witness again, they told me they were done fishing for the day and back to the marina we went. 

Remember, this was my first ever charter and its one I will never forget.....unfortunately.  lol


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## NateJ (Apr 11, 2011)

Speedy ,I miss that old Cumberland Queen, that was a cool old wooded ferry boat. I haven't seen that boat in a long time. They got the Cumberland Princess tied up downtown, and they have been using the Cumberland Lady for ferry service.

 Erock, you are more man than me, good lord I woulda been the 4th one puking just from seeing that mess!


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## OUTCAST (Apr 12, 2011)

I hope my charter doesnt read this, but here goes. 


3 years ago I took a group out for monster sharks. One of the guys told me had stomach problems prior and I said it wouldnt be a problem, just tell me and we can either go in, or you can sit on the bucket.  He said he'd rather go in, I liked that answer better. Three hours into it, he says in excitement "Wheres the bucket? We dont have enough time, its getting ready to pour out".  I gave him my least favorite bucket and he went to the bow. I heard noises that sounded like a mix of a dump truck crashing into a nitroglycerin plant and someone strangling a cat.  The smell was horrendous. Never knew a human could do that.  After he was through baking brownies for 15 minutes, he asked "what do I do with the bucket". I didnt want to clean that thing, so I instructed him to just throw the whole bucket off the side. Well...I had no idea this guy had no clue about currents and tides.  I didnt watch the process out of disgust, I just watched the rods waiting for a bite. As I'm watching, I notice a shirt drifting out from under tunnel of the catamaran hull. He used his shirt as toilet paper and threw the shirt in with the bucket. Next I see the bucket drifting out from the tunnel of the hull with poo all throughout the water. I said "OH NO, you threw the bucket off the front into the tide????" He said he did, and questioned why. As I looked over and explained, the entire livewell sucked up all the poop and looked like a toilet at a Bears game.  I said, trips over.  I docked the boat, made a B line to wal-mart and bought enough bleach to melt the boat.  

I earned my money this day.


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## Nautical Son (Apr 12, 2011)

This could be a very interesting thread for sure....

Here's a good one for ya..

A few years ago a buddy and I decided we would go try for some stripers on Lake Alatoona...a lake neither of us had ever been to before, the morning came and I grabbed my cast net which had been hanging on a clothesline drying out, it was 6am and just begining to break daylight. I grabbed the net as I hurried to leave and slung it over my shoulder as I always did, this time when the weight line hit me in the back of the legs it didn't have that "normal" feeling and felt kinda soft...I just kind of twisted and looked to see what the net was caught on  and thats when I noticed the 4ft Copperhead that had managed to get himself tangled in the net, it was at this moment that I realized it was the snake that hit me, not the weights. I dropped the net SCREAMED like a girl and I'm pretty sure the wet spot in my pants wasn't from the dew off the boat...That net laid in the yard for 3 weeks till there was nothing but bones left....Now your thinking pretty funny right? The day was just getting started....I'll continue in another post shortly...and all this happened in the same day mind you....


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## nwgahunter (Apr 12, 2011)

Mine isn't nearly as colorful as yours but I have a couple.

I was in a kids' fishing rodeo when I was 10. It was a pond and I was fishing for cats. I caught several and was in second place. I cast my rod and sat there for about 15 minutes. I got bored and laid my rod on the dock. About 2 minutes later I heard something scratching across the dock. It was my rod and a fish was slowly pulling it in. I ran over to my rod and about the same time I was going to grab it the fish ran and took my rod with it. 

I was bumbed but we had a day left. The next day my dad took my to buy another rod. I sat on the same dock and cast almost in the same spot. About 10 minutes later I had a hit and set the hook. The fight was on! After a couple of minutes I brought the 15 pound catfish to the top. When my dad reached down to get the fish he said "This fish broke someone off!" Once on land we grabbed the line and started pulling it. There was something on the other end! When we got it in. You guessed it. It was my other rod!

Story two:

When I was 17 my dad bought me a beat up 1981 Toyota pickup. I loved that truck. We would save our lunch money at school and after school myself and 3 or 4 of my buddies would hop in and go fishing Chickamauga lake or run up to the Hiwassee and wade fish for bass. We would buy a pack of worms, sinkers, and hooks and just enough gas to get us there and back.

One time we took a new guy. He knew how to fish but had never waded for bass. To get to the ditches you sometimes had to get out to your neck. Well, this guy states that he has to go #2 BAD!

The slough we fished allot had houses all around it so he couldn;t just get out of the water and go beside a tree. I told him to drop his drawers and let it fly. Sorry, I'm tearing up about this one. 

So, he drops his drawers in nearly neck deep water and let's it fly. As soon as he did he started screaming like a girl. He had poo all around him. He dropped his rod and started trying to get back to shore but the depth of the water was slowing him. What's worse is that the wake was pulling the poo with him and it was chasing him. I know it is gross but you had to be there 50 yards from him trying to figure it out. I thought he was bit or something.


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## NateJ (Apr 12, 2011)

AHAHAHA! these are some great stories! Ive been rolling all morning.


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## Capt. Scott Griffin (Apr 13, 2011)

*Flounder Gigging*

My cousin and I were doing some late night gigging on the coast of NC one night...about 3 in the morning we had a boast full and lets just say we were thirsty and all we had left on the boat was some very ice cold adult bevs..we were in a foot of water about 100yards from our dock...we ran up on some stone crabs in a rock pile and proceeded to snap off a few claws...we were throwing them back and one didnt make into the water and we forgot about him...about an hour or so later...with the one claw he had...he had grabbed a filet knife and was walking towards us waving it in the air..we about fell out of the boat we were laughing so hard...classic....


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## Mud Minnow (Apr 14, 2011)

Not really a fishing story but it has to do with a boat and the water so here we go. My Brother (sea trout) used to have an old tri hull boat that the floor had started to rot out. So I got some OSB board and we started to replace the floor in the boat, (while it's on the trailer). Another one of our buddies was in charge of screwing the boards down. When we finished we brought the boat to My dad's place on lake Hartwell because Chad had also done some work on the engine and wanted to try it out. So picture this... Chad is in the boat, I'm backing him down the boat ramp in a very populated nieghborhood with lots of folkes on the porches and on the docks watching. The boat is unhooked and strapped. I back it into the water and apply the brake but the boat stays put. So, I pull back up and try it again with the same results. The I back it far enough into the water that the boat and trailer are floating, still nothing. So I pull the boat back out. We check all around to see that the straps are off and that the boat is un hooked from the trailer. Then I back him into the water fast and slam on the breaks! Boat stays, so I floor it to try and jerk the boat loose, screaching tires by now has got the whole nieghborhoods attention. Once out of the water we attempt to shake and rock the boat on the trailer to see if it might be stuck. By this time an hour or so has gone by, the guy who was in charge of the drill is walking from my dads dock to the boat ramp crossing over everyones nice yard holding a six pack of beer and yelling curse words cause we haven't got the boat unloaded yet and he was ready to go for a ride. Looking over the side of the boat at the space between the boat and the trailer I spot something long and grey. I told chad to come over but not to be mad, our buddy had used screws that were way too long and screwed the boat to the trailer!! So we backed it up into the water and started it so at least we could see if the engine ran good!!


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## Chum (Apr 14, 2011)

A few years back a buddy and I decided that we wanted to do a little blue crabbing from our kayaks.  We had been fishing from the yaks for years, but crabbing was going to be a whole new experience for us.  We ended up preparing about 10 crab baskets with some chicken and a line attached to an empty coke bottle as a float.  We then paddled up a creek dropping off a basket every 20 yards or so.   We knew that retrieving the crabs was going to require some teamwork, so each of us had an empty cooler between our legs and as one person pulled a basket he would have to place its catch in to the other persons cooler.  

Well…as my buddy pulled up the first basket he hollered at me to get closer because we already had two crabs on!  I pulled my kayak closer to his and opened my cooler.  He transferred the first crab right into the cooler as planned…however the second, larger, blue crab missed and landed right on my bare FOOT!  I freaked, and out of pure instinct, kicked the crab straight up into the air…well sort of, because as it came down it landed right between my buddies legs!  That crab took one look at his personal chicken neck (he says turkey neck, but whatever…) and started snapping its claws.  I have never seen a man move as fast as he did at this exact moment…he jumped out of his yak, spun around and mounted the bow like you would a horse!  It happened so fast I don’t even think he got wet!  

The crab stayed in his seat snapping away until I could control my laughter long enough to scoop him out with my paddle.  We ended up having a pretty successful day with a steam pot full of crabs…and the beer always tastes better after an adventure like that!


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## Rockett (Apr 14, 2011)

I'll shoot one in here.  Bout three years ago my cousin, a friend and I go offshore to do some grouper and snapper fishing. ( when you coul keep some)  So were out there catching a ton of fish.   Caught some nice black, gag and red grouper but nothing huge.  So I drop my line over and am sitting there waiting, ( which you normally don't have to do)  about that time I feel somthing on the rod but I can't really get the line tight enough.  So I'm thinking somthing is running with it or somthing and then all of the sudden the rod doubles over.  Well I am doing my best to pull this fish in and even come to a point where I am asking the other two guys to help.  They are directly behind me fishing out the other side of the boat.  This fight goes on for probably 10 minutes and then all of the sudden the rod doubles even more and almost snatches me out of the boat.  Well I  yell and tell them to get over here I have got a huge fish.  Bout that time I hear the two of them bust out laughing.  Turn around to find out that they had caught my line under the boat, pulled it up, wrapped it around their hands and had been over there snatching the mess out of it the whole time.   It's hard to fight two full grown men on your line.  But we got a good laugh out of it.


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## Lukikus2 (Apr 14, 2011)

Bout ten years ago I took my 4 year old son, 12 year old step son and one of his friends scalloping out of Crystal River. We were along side a floatilla of boats with females occupying about every boat around. Well, I had to pee really bad so I got behind the console where no one could see and started peeing in a 5 gallon bucket. About midstream my 4 year old son screams at the top of his lungs "My Dad has a huge penis"!
That said and done. My stepson and his friend were diving for scallops. My stepson had my flippers on that will push your head down in the sand on one kick if your not careful. My 4 year old son has to go potty. So here comes out the bucket. He sits and grunts and groans and finally is finished. In true form as 4 year olds do, there is a half pound loggerhead in the bucket. I dump it over the side of the boat and it does a verticle death dive to the bottom in plain sight. My stepson has no clue what has been transpiring on the boat and is swimming back to rest. He swims to the side where such was deposited and I told him "There is a huge one down there". Without hesitation he gives a hard kick and heads straight down. You could actually hear him 5 feet under when he gained sight of the "Big one". Something I will (and he) never forget.


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## LureheadEd (Apr 22, 2011)

Quite a while back I took the whole family to Jekyl for a week. The wife drove her car with a couple of kids, I drove the truck with another and all our stuff in it and  pulling my 1436 Sears flatbottom jon boat. Never having been before, I knew I could find some place to fish. So the oldest and I ended up under the bridge on our first afternoon , and caught quite a few fish, it was a ball. The wife decided she couldn't miss this fun and wanted to go out the next afternoon. Well, the fish weren't biting so she says "Let's ride to the pier! "... Came around the corner and the waves were alot bigger than she liked..."Turn around NOW" , so I did and took a wave over the stern, not too bad, but she starts freaking out..."What do we do if the boat sinks?!!!?"...I told her "You grab the tackle box and swim to that shore !" ... Couple of hours later back at the ramp she realized that the HUGE tackle box weighed at least 20lbs with all my stuff in it...Two decades later I still hear about it...


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## sea trout (Apr 24, 2011)

great stories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 yrs ago i think. a group of us chartered a boat out of steinhatchee to take us grouper fishin.
this time i took my wife. she loves grouper!
so we fish the first hole and no bites. move to the next and my wife gets the first bite and hook up of the mornin! "i got 1" she say's 
"pull him up off the bottom!!!" i coax
so she's fightin this thing through 70 feet of ocean, strainin, rod bowed, huffin and puffin, she's all exited and exhausted at the same time when that pretty gag grouper gets to the surface. 
captin grabs the leader and pulls the gag aboard, my wifes watchin as if she had just finished the olimpics and her gold medal is about to be presented. my wife, catchin her breath, looks around the boat to make sure everyone's watching her about to receive her glory as the captin removes the hook. captin takes a millasecond to look at that fish, throws him back in the ocean, looks at my wife and say's "too small". 
that look on her face was priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! confusion and killer instinct all in one. she say's " u mean i got to catch one bigger than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we had a great trip! caught lots of grouper! wife ended up catching a monster red grouper and more keeper gags.


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## MCBIG (Apr 26, 2011)

when I was about 13 we went to the ga. coast with some friends .well our friends decided to stay at the local beach campground and we opted to stay at a beach motel.My friend eddie and i are the same age so we hung out quite a bit,and one afternoon we buy some frozen shrimp.we walk out to the beach and we must have caught every sail cat on the east coast. we flat wore em out! all we had to put them in was a 5 gal. bucket.we probably had 25 10"-12" catfish and probably 5-6 that weighed 3lbs. well we get back to the campground and decided we,d just give them away.not a soul wanted them.we went over  to the big trash can and started to throw them in and the campground  mgr.started cussin at us and tellin us we couldnt do that so we figured that a 10"-12" catfish would flush just fine down a toilet ,so we hurried up and went and flushed them all down the campground toilet.we were leavin to come home the next morning and I spent the night with eddies family at the campground.when we were pullin out of the campground roto-rooter was pullin in,and we knew why!I swear we lived in fear for months thinkin in some evil way,that the campground would find out who stopped up their plumbing .It was a long time ,I,m talkin years before we told anybody about this.Yall dont tell nobody ,okay.
mike


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## pine nut (Apr 29, 2011)

This happened about 22 yrs ago on a trip to that big blue spot near the end of Fla, going south.  Buddy and I went to "Chobie" to crappie fish in Feb.  It was cold even that far south but after fishing every day  for almost a week we took some time to explore.  We had been fishing in the canals that go around the perimeter of the lake and in the Kissimmee river, and ate fresh fish filleted on a boat paddle every day I'm proud to say.  Well this one day was balmy and probably a bit above 70 degrees.  We had been exploring up a creek and killing time looking for bass, but my boat was too small to get in the lake with and we had been sticking to the canals, but this day was better and I told my buddy we ought to ride out the canal we were on to the lake itself, so we could at least say that we had seen "Chobie" from the boat.

He was fine with that and we were getting tired of fishing.  Well we are planned out riding over the horizon down this straight canal which our map said went to the lake, when we passed a gator sunning on the left bank of the canal.  They dredge these canals out and pile the dirt and the canal was about 60 feet wide IMO.  Well my pard throws his hands in the air in a whirling manner and looks at me, and I cut the engine to stop so I can turn, because I knew he wanted to go see that gator.

Now we had never had any dealings with a gator before, and since it had laid there and just let us pass we thought it would let us sneak up on it.  That's what we tried  anyway, but that bad boy hit the water before we even got close!  Ok so I'm turning around again and heading on out to see the lake... but I'm thinking (always a dangerous thing!) as I turn the boat, that since he did not move as we went by fast...that maybe that was the way to see a gator.  FAST! We had gone maybe a half mile when we spotted another on the same bank (left side).  Sun angle was from the right.  Well as I passed it I noticed that this ole boy had a coke can stuck on a limb of a willow bush almost right over his head.  I kept looking back and could see the can for about 200 yds or so.  I began to stop for another turn around.  My Buddy asked what I was doin' and I said I want to try to get a better look at this one, by the can.  He said ok, but because I was throttling up he did not hear me say I was going in fast on this one!  Stay wid me now!  I was skinning up the bank that had been the right bank but is now the left one.  We are in a sixteen foot John boat rigged like a bass boat.  I'm at the controls on the right side of the stern seat, and he is up front sitting on a short pedestal seat.  if I reached across the side I could touch the cane shoots hanging from the piled up dirt off that bank.  The gator is now to our right, and I know right where he is because of the coke can.  My plan was to stay on plane until even with the can, make a hard fast right turn and slam on the brakes!  Thirty five horses pushing me about minimum plane speed of 15 mph. 

Let me just pause to tell you that should you ever plan to repeat my show, it is very necessary to have the motor in lock position.  If you forget that, then try at least to have a movie camera running on the whole shebang 'cause you ain't gonna believe how a motor behind you can scare the cr*p out of you as you slide into position to shake hands with a big ole gator!  I was not even two feet from the business end of that bad boy and I am in a real hurry to exit in reverse! 

Now in case you've never had the fortune to be in one of these pickles let me tell you that in a scared slipless (sic) situation your brain will go into overdrive and start recording and processing an amazing amt of data.  Little things like if a gator is seven inches from knobs of his eyebrows to tip of nose then he's a seven footer and this one is not only two feet from you with teeth as long as you fingers but he is that same exact distance between the eyes and nose, and your buddy is running at incredible speed toward the back of the boat, and somehow is not hitting or stepping on any fishing rods and bass plugs  which are strewn about as you are trying desperately to push and hold the engine back into the water with one hand, while working the controls with the other to get maximum speed without it climbing out again. Trust me records could be set in many and various activities with this kind of motivation!  In the same millisecond you plainly see all of the above, you notice your buddy's blood vessels are standing out on his forehead and are definitly going to rupture.  He looks like Clint Eastwood when he is mad!  He grabs your shirt to keep from exiting the stern, and you somehow are quite sure he could make it all the way across the 60 foot canal without getting ankle deep if he had kept going, but still, you are glad you are going to have company when you die!

In case some of you don't know it ,a gator is a very fast animal when they want to be, and I swear all the above took place before the gator had a chance to start moving.  I remember thinking in the nanosecond before my buddy started his dash, that the gator was going to get him with his tail and me with his jaws in one swift movement. Just by curling up...Whack-snap!!!!


Swap with me now to the gator:

OK he ain't happy!  I have attacked him with my boat!  I am telling you that the boat was pinching his belly where he had it spread out on the bank.  He  was at least 20-24 inches betweeen the reference points, and let me add I have been very carful not to "grow him out" over the years in repeating this story.  He was twenty four inches thick side to side behind his elbows and about a yard and a half where his belly spread out. His teeth were hanging out of his jaws about like the first two joints of my index finger and there were many too!  He dove off the bank into the water and I took note that as his hind feet entered the water beside my position in the 16 ' boat, his tail exited the water on the other side of the dirt bank we were all perched on.  The game and fish folks tell us that alligators do not get that big, and they claim about 14 to 16 feet is all, but I submit to you that they have not seen them all, and they need to go look for "my" coke can!  

The mounted gator at the Okeefenokee center in waycross is a 14 footer the weighed in at 750 lbs and is 14 inches wide where "my" gator was two feet!  Theirs was small by comparrison.  The tail was very long and went to a very fine sharp point too.

I will tell you the Lord looks after fools sometimes and this was one of them, because if I had locked the motor I might well have "served" my friend to him  out of the front of the boat.  I believe that hurling the boat onto his belly scared him just enough that we survived.  I will tell you that the gator turned in the water and went through a gap in the dirt and off into the swamp which had been behind him on the bank.  As he left the trees  standing in the water were swaying and we could see where he was going by watching them.  To Quote Yoge Berra "  You can observe a lot just by watchin.'"

I'm not smart enough to make this up. It is a so tell!  After going on a short distance down the canal, the humor began to overcome the terror and euphoria  brought on by surviving something like this took over and we were crying with laughter as a bass boat passed us coming back up the canal.  I remember having my shirt off by then and the tears were going down my belly to my navel.  Guys in the bass boat gave us a strange look.  Not having this whole thing on film is why I'm not a millionaire today. Gospel truth every word!

Some of these stories are bringing tears to my eyes again.  The wife and I hooted on 'em!  Keep them coming.


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## athensbass (Apr 29, 2011)

OUTCAST said:


> I hope my charter doesnt read this, but here goes.
> 
> 
> 3 years ago I took a group out for monster sharks. One of the guys told me had stomach problems prior and I said it wouldnt be a problem, just tell me and we can either go in, or you can sit on the bucket.  He said he'd rather go in, I liked that answer better. Three hours into it, he says in excitement "Wheres the bucket? We dont have enough time, its getting ready to pour out".  I gave him my least favorite bucket and he went to the bow. I heard noises that sounded like a mix of a dump truck crashing into a nitroglycerin plant and someone strangling a cat.  The smell was horrendous. Never knew a human could do that.  After he was through baking brownies for 15 minutes, he asked "what do I do with the bucket". I didnt want to clean that thing, so I instructed him to just throw the whole bucket off the side. Well...I had no idea this guy had no clue about currents and tides.  I didnt watch the process out of disgust, I just watched the rods waiting for a bite. As I'm watching, I notice a shirt drifting out from under tunnel of the catamaran hull. He used his shirt as toilet paper and threw the shirt in with the bucket. Next I see the bucket drifting out from the tunnel of the hull with poo all throughout the water. I said "OH NO, you threw the bucket off the front into the tide????" He said he did, and questioned why. As I looked over and explained, the entire livewell sucked up all the poop and looked like a toilet at a Bears game.  I said, trips over.  I docked the boat, made a B line to wal-mart and bought enough bleach to melt the boat.
> ...



Holy Sheyat that's funny !


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## Mud Minnow (Apr 29, 2011)

OUTCAST said:


> I hope my charter doesnt read this, but here goes.
> 
> 
> 3 years ago I took a group out for monster sharks. One of the guys told me had stomach problems prior and I said it wouldnt be a problem, just tell me and we can either go in, or you can sit on the bucket.  He said he'd rather go in, I liked that answer better. Three hours into it, he says in excitement "Wheres the bucket? We dont have enough time, its getting ready to pour out".  I gave him my least favorite bucket and he went to the bow. I heard noises that sounded like a mix of a dump truck crashing into a nitroglycerin plant and someone strangling a cat.  The smell was horrendous. Never knew a human could do that.  After he was through baking brownies for 15 minutes, he asked "what do I do with the bucket". I didnt want to clean that thing, so I instructed him to just throw the whole bucket off the side. Well...I had no idea this guy had no clue about currents and tides.  I didnt watch the process out of disgust, I just watched the rods waiting for a bite. As I'm watching, I notice a shirt drifting out from under tunnel of the catamaran hull. He used his shirt as toilet paper and threw the shirt in with the bucket. Next I see the bucket drifting out from the tunnel of the hull with poo all throughout the water. I said "OH NO, you threw the bucket off the front into the tide????" He said he did, and questioned why. As I looked over and explained, the entire livewell sucked up all the poop and looked like a toilet at a Bears game.  I said, trips over.  I docked the boat, made a B line to wal-mart and bought enough bleach to melt the boat.
> ...


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