# How Many Christians Does it take to Change a LightBulb?



## Ronnie T (Oct 15, 2010)

Light bulb changing jokes, Christian-style  From:  http://www.answering-islam.org/Humor/bulbs.html

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway. 

Q: How many members of the Church of Christ does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Lightbult????  The Bible doesn't say anything about a lightbult!

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. (Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.) 

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: At least ten, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes. 

Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. 

Q: How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb? 
A: No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness. 

Q: How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation. 

Q: How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: "What's a light bulb?" 

Q: How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out. 


Q: How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one. 

Q: How many Anglo-Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: None. They always use candles instead. 

Q: How many Evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself. 

Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: One. But they are still in darkness. 

Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: Change????? 

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. 

Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today. 

Q: How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: One. But soon all thoses around can warm up to its glowing. 

Q: How many baptist's does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: The whole congregation needs to vote on it! 

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls! 

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience! 

Q: How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman! 

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A: None. If God wants the lightbulb changed He will do it Himself! 

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: 10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2012, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job! 

Q: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence." 

Q: How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? 109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 Member church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7-member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out. 

Q: How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: 4 ladies. One to carefully unscrew the bulb. One to wrap it carefully and another to package it. The fourth to mail it to the mission field.


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## The Original Rooster (Oct 15, 2010)

Ronnie,
It takes more than just 109 Southern Baptists to change a light bulb. You didn't even mention the 48 members of the ladies Thursday night prayer meeting who will be cooking chicken, broccoli casserole, macaroni and cheese, congealed salad (I always wondered what exactly was congealed in that stuff) and assorted other covered dishes.  One thing I love about growing up in the Baptist church is that Baptists can't get together for long without food being involved. By the time we're done, everyone is too full to even climb up in the chair to change the bulb.


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## Ronnie T (Oct 15, 2010)

Yeah, there's some funny stuff there.

It's nice to be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes.

In my area, the ladies of the church have even turned funerals into a time of feast.


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## The Original Rooster (Oct 15, 2010)

Ronnie T said:


> Yeah, there's some funny stuff there.
> 
> It's nice to be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes.
> 
> In my area, the ladies of the church have even turned funerals into a time of feast.



Yeah, I've heard conversations like this after funerals at my church.
Deacon 1- I sure am going to miss him.
Deacon 2- Yeah, me too. Could you pass the ham please?


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## apoint (Oct 15, 2010)

It takes no Christians to change a light bulb. God is the light.


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## Jeffriesw (Oct 16, 2010)

Thank's Ronnie T, I needed a good laugh this mornin. 





This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine


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## Lowjack (Oct 16, 2010)

It takes 144,000 Jehova witnesses to change a light bulb, 1 up in a ladder and 143,999,000 stacking watchtower magazines so they can help.


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## Ronnie T (Oct 18, 2010)

Bump.  In case some didn't see it.

.


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## Jeff57 (Oct 19, 2010)

That's funny and mostly true.  Being a Southern Baptist I was a little miffed that we were portrayed in such a light until I remembered I was one of the 18 (only 7 in my church) on the finance committee that voted on such things.  

All joking aside, Baptist women make the best fried chicken.


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## Lowjack (Oct 19, 2010)

Jeff57 said:


> That's funny and mostly true.  Being a Southern Baptist I was a little miffed that we were portrayed in such a light until I remembered I was one of the 18 (only 7 in my church) on the finance committee that voted on such things.
> 
> All joking aside, Baptist women make the best fried chicken.



And Apple pies, LOL


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## SneekEE (Oct 19, 2010)

Lol!!!!


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## Jeff57 (Oct 19, 2010)

Lowjack said:


> And Apple pies, LOL



Preach it brother.


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