# When does the pain ease?



## turtlebug (Sep 9, 2012)

Some of you know, most don't, but I lost my father sort-of suddenly a week ago. Yes, he had been sick, but was diagnosed properly (finally) and I got to spend one good day with him out of the hospital, only for him to be taken from us by a massive heart attack the next day. 

I'm watching my mother going through a horrible adjustment. Her best friend, her companion, her love of 43 years just gone all of a sudden. My husband's employer, friend and coworker of 22 years, gone. My daddy for 41 years, gone.  

I can't get the sound of the machines, the ventilator, the three calls of "CODE BLUE CICU" out of my head. Saturday, my daddy looked like he was headed for complete recovery, cutting up with us, feeling better. Sunday, he was in an ambulance headed to the ER. Monday morning at 5:00am, he coded. Monday at 11:00am, he coded. At 4:45 he coded for the last time, they couldn't get him back. He was pronounced at 5:09pm. I'll never forget that time or those words. Me begging them not to tell me or say it. 

Yes, I thank the Lord every day for those last few words we shared. Him grabbing my hand and telling me "Punkin, you know I love you and I always will". He told me "You take care of those babies and make sure they know I love them". He knew. I can't accept that. 

He was a fighter. He wouldn't let go easily but his heart was damaged beyond repair they say. It's so hard to think of the heart that loved me, raised me, taught me to shoot a gun, ride a bike, build model airplanes and such, as being too weak to go on. 

All I can ask at this point is for prayers of peace for my family. Ask that the pain lessens with each day. I'm asking for guidance for my family as we deal with matters that will have an impact on us all such as business, mom's home and such. 

NEVER take a day for granted. Let your loved ones know you truly love them. Saturday night, I went to bed happy because my daddy felt better and tonight I sit missing him more than words can express.


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## shakey gizzard (Sep 9, 2012)

Prayers sent! Use your strengths to help your family through! That in turn, should help you too!


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## Miguel Cervantes (Sep 9, 2012)

Tough to read this, but know  you're in my thoughts and prayers. There's a pm for you somewhere in your inbox.


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## dwhee87 (Sep 10, 2012)

It does get better, Tbug. Lost my Dad 8 years ago. It took a while for the pain to ease, but it will. I still tear up every now and then when I find myself doing something that he taught me. Prayers sent to you all.


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## Paymaster (Sep 10, 2012)

My Prayers continue for you.


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## blood on the ground (Sep 10, 2012)

your in my prayers.


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## Nugefan (Sep 10, 2012)

our thoughts and prayrs are still with y'all ..

Bug it gets tollerable with time , doesn't get better , just easier to accept ...may he RIP ...


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## Huntress (Sep 10, 2012)

I am so sorry for the passing of your father.  I can only speak from my own experience that it takes time.  My father passed away (massive heart attack in his sleep) 14 yrs ago and I still have a hard time with it.  Easier in the last 7 yrs but still hard.  Prayers are with you and your family as you grieve the loss of what sounds like a wonderful man.


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## Jeff Phillips (Sep 10, 2012)

Sorry for your loss T-Bug! Praying for you and your family.

I lost my Daddy in July. It's hard! I miss the daily calls to just check in. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are the worst after a loss. Hang in there! It gets easier, but you will miss him forever!


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## Madman (Sep 10, 2012)

T-Bug,

I am sorry for your lose.  From my experiences all I know is that you will hurt as hard as you loved, but that same experience has also taught me that the hurt fades and the life that was lived, in this realm, and the wonderful memories that fill the heart rise to the top.  




_O merciful Father, who has taught us in your holy Word that you do not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men:
Look with compassion upon the sorrows of your servant Turtle-Bug and her family for whom our prayers are offered. Remember them, O Lord, in mercy, nourish their souls with patience, comfort them with a sense of your goodness, lift up your countenance upon them, and give
them peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.
_


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## BRIAN1 (Sep 10, 2012)

Sorry to hear this news. I will pray for you and your family. Let me know if you guys need anything.

Brian


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## Hoss (Sep 10, 2012)

Prayers for you Tbug.  Lost mine in a very similar manner.  Seemded to be getting better and then gone.  It's been 30 years and the loss is still there.  Always remember, that way they are still with you.

Hoss


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## Core Lokt (Sep 10, 2012)

this is easier said than done and as hard is it is please remember that God will not put anything on us that we can not handle. turn to Him and ask for Him to help with your loss and ease the pain. He will if you allow it.

I'm really sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my prayers.


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## dusty (Sep 10, 2012)

You and your family is in my prayers .......
Lon (Dusty)


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## Inthegarge (Sep 10, 2012)

Praying for you and your family in your time of loss................


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## Nicodemus (Sep 10, 2012)

The pain never eases and time doesn`t cure it. Time does, however, make it easier to deal with and to accept it. 

Let the ones who go ahead of you live in your heart now. They will never really be gone. 

My deepest regrets on your loss, Bug.


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## ross the deer slayer (Sep 10, 2012)

I lost 2 good friends when I was 14, one was 11 and the other mid 40s. I was extremely sad for a week, then very angry and confused for the next week..then within a month I didn't get angry about it but I don't express lots of emotion to begin with. I think it changes and varies with everyone and the situation. Prayers sent for you


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## jmharris23 (Sep 10, 2012)

Wow....my heart just broke for you as I read your post. I am so sorry for you and your family in this loss. I think Nick said it so well, time doesn't cure it but it does make it less painful. 

If our parents lived to be 200 they'd never be old enough and when they are young the wound seems even more painful. Just know that many are praying for you all. 

In the words of the Apostle Paul: 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction. 

May the Father of mercies comfort you now and may His Spirit comfort you and remind you that while weeping endures for the night, joy comes in the morning. There will be joy again, that is our promise from God.


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## speedcop (Sep 10, 2012)

lost mine on 9-11. I feel your pain, I know your pain. The memories will help ease it after time, at the same time rekindle emotions. I hope mine never really goes away. It helps me remember what he stood for and what he taught me. I am able to smile more when I think of him instead of cry. God gave us memories for this very reason. I pray for you and your family.


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## Papa Bear (Sep 10, 2012)

I lost my dad over 35 yrs ago and still suffer at different times.  While it is difficult you have a memory bank I am sure full of times together.  Prayers sent to you and the family during this painful time.


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## FERAL ONE (Sep 11, 2012)

Tbug, you know my story, dad battled cancer for a couple years and it was a rough road. he buried 5 good friends during that time and was a pall bearer at each funeral while fighting his own battle. he hated that and said he felt like it was his own funeral each time.  the day he left us ,the whole family had been together for moms birthday on the day before. he looked at me and said, "call your mom later and check on her."  he had never said that, it was always talk to you later or whatever. this was with a purpose and i can still see the look in his grey eyes.  i got to work that day and the back gate was broken so i fixed it just to be outside.  my mom called an hour after that and said she needed help getting him out of the tub. i rushed out the gate i just had fixed and that saved me 2 miles of driving. it was those 2 miles that let me say goodbye.  when i got there he was on the bed and i could see that he was fading and i told my mom and we stood side by side with him as he breathed his last. to this day, i hate to hear the word cancer and if i am around somebody on oxygen , the "pshhht" sound just brings tears to my eyes.   it has been over 4 years and i still carry around our last hunting permit from our last season together.  the hardest part for me has been not hearing his voice in my memory.  tough to explain, but it sort of faded out and that has really bothered me. i can hear his words but not his voice.  from time to time i will catch a glimpse of someone who reminds me of him and it will startle me . those days hurt too....    i still feel his presence though, and i see his features in my son. in all the battle and loss my brother came to know Christ because of how dad conducted himself during the last year so i know good came of it .  it will ease and change, but no ma'am it will never go away.  i have learned to live with it but it still doesn't seem "fair" to me.   not many on here know , but my father in law took his life in the end of july.  my walk and struggle through those times has now had to help my bride through her own struggles.  know that we are lifting you up and focus on the memories you all made and the great times you shared then use that to propel you in your adventures and making new memories.


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## Ronnie T (Sep 11, 2012)

It should never be easy to lose a parent.  To do otherwise would only prove you're lack of love and respect for him/her.
In time you'll replace this pain with peace, and  joy in having such a good Dad.

You'll live in the dreams of days gone by.  And someday, our children will experience the same process in regard to we parents.

Enjoy the great memories of him.  Speak of him often.  Care for you Mom.  Seek comfort and understanding from God.

My prayers for all of you during this difficult time.


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## elfiii (Sep 11, 2012)

So sorry to hear of the loss of your father T. I lost my mom in '01 and my dad in '05. Like others have said the pain never goes away. It just becomes bearable.

All you can do is take it one day at a time and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. The rest is up to God and the passage of time.


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## Toonigh (Sep 11, 2012)

I lost my dad to cancer on 6/25/12. He and mom lived right beside me. Before dad had gotten sick he had asked me to preach his funeral. When he passed the first thought I had was him asking me months before to preach his funeral. I did not know how I was going to get through his funeral much less preach it. I prayed for God to give me the strength to get through it. Well God got us through that part. A lady gave her heart and life to Jesus Christ at dads funeral. Two of the chemo techs are now going to church every week with my mom. The point is God WILL sustain you and there is glory to be given to God in our bad times. I have a copy of my sermon if you would like for me to send it to you. Maybe God's words in there can give you some comfort. God bless.


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## XIronheadX (Sep 11, 2012)

Time heals some of it. Prayers for you. I pray the Lord lets you find some peace.


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## Carp (Sep 11, 2012)

Sorry for your loss. You'll never totally get over it but the pain will subside. He lives on in you, so always remember that. In your looks, mannerisms, memories and your heart. Remember the good times and what he taught you to do and believe in. Be there for your Mother. She will no doubt be depressed. Keep her busy and active but let her grieve. It's part of the process.


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## Sargent (Sep 11, 2012)

Tbug,

My father in law passed 5/30/12.  My wife is the epitome of a daddy's girl, so it has been a rough road for her.

Talk about it with those around you.  Your mom, your spouse/S.O., your friends, his friends, other family.

Having been through this for a few months with my wife, I can say that it comes in waves.  My wife will be fine for days on end... and then something (sometimes subtle) will remind her of him and she will break down.  

My wife started a journal of random thoughts about her dad (from the distant past and from the time he was sick).  It has given her an additional outlet.

Bottom line is get it out.  Communicate.  Get a support system/group/few individuals that will allow you to vent and cry.  

Your dad sounds like my father in law.  Your devastation is evidence of what a good man he was.  

God bless. You're in my prayers.


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## Sterlo58 (Sep 12, 2012)

Lea,
I just read your post. I am so sorry to hear about your father. Remember all the good times and keep those memories close to help get you through the tough spots. As others have said, he will always be with you. 
Neil


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## golffreak (Sep 12, 2012)

May God bless you and your family. Prayers sent.


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## Keebs (Sep 17, 2012)

Nicodemus said:


> *The pain never eases and time doesn`t cure it. Time does, however, make it easier to deal with and to accept it. *
> 
> Let the ones who go ahead of you live in your heart now. They will never really be gone.
> 
> My deepest regrets on your loss, Bug.


Yep........... I found this forum a few months after I lost my Daddy, believe it or not, it really helped me, in many ways, but time is the biggest thing.


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## Rick_1971 (Sep 17, 2012)

Sorry for your loss. Many prayers for you and your family.


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## longbowdave1 (Sep 18, 2012)

Just saw this Tbug, sorry for your loss. It's been two years since my Dad passed. Now when I think of him, I smile and only remember the good times together, not the his last days. Time will ease the pain. Rely on your friends, family, and faith to get you through it. Prayers sent.


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## PastorRay (Sep 18, 2012)

Lost my dad and best friend almost 3 years ago now. Still think about him ALL the time.  So in the beginning I used to almost hate to call mom because dad was on the answering machine - now I smile when I hear his voice when the machine picks up.  Healing does take place, but it is indeed at it's own pace. I know this much: I wouldn't have wanted him to linger any more in the ICU, but I am going to kick him in his - darned - shin as soon as I see him in heaven for leaving me (I'm only 61 -far to young to be on my own).  I pray God's loving arms to hold you and your family.  Blessings and love and prayers


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## 7MAGMIKE (Sep 18, 2012)

T-Bug, as Nic said it never ceases you just learn to live with the loss.  I lost my dad, my best friend 4 years ago.  It still hurts, I am sorry and will say a prayer for you.

Mike


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## turtlebug (Sep 24, 2012)

Thanks everyone. We're just taking it one day at a time. It's all you can do. 

It's so strange how the grief just hits you all of a sudden. Friday, I was fine, looking forward to the Valdosta High Homecoming game, watching my daughter march, working the spirit booth to raise money for the band. I couldn't have been in a more elated mood. I dropped her off at the high school and was headed back home to get dressed for the game and it just hit. I had to pull over and just sat there crying my eyes out, still looking for an answer. 

First time I've missed the opening day of bow season in the last four or five years. There's just been so much going on. I haven't even been to the woods yet, even with quite a few tempting trail cam pics. I've gotta find the time this weekend. I need some solitude.

You know, even though I'm 41, losing my daddy as an adult, hurts just as bad as if I had lost him when I was young, I feel certain of that. You never stop being a child when it comes to your parents. I thought I could deal with it better, but man it hurts. 

Thanks again for the prayers. We're just plugging along.


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## mtnwoman (Sep 25, 2012)

I'm sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Pray scripture because God's Word does not return void...

Philippians 4:7
King James Version (KJV)

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

My father passed in 95 and then my mother in 2003. One of my brothers ask me, why can't I grieve like I think I should(and I thought it was just me and there was something wrong with me) I thought about it for a few and then I said, because the peace of Christ is beyond all our understanding. I hope peace comes for you and your family swiftly. It is a very hard pill to swallow.

I still miss them and long to see them, but the pain and sadness is always snatched away quickly by my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.


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