# Marriage Help!!!!!!



## wranglerjoe1968 (Mar 25, 2008)

How do I want to start this?  I have made the biggest mistake in my life.  I am happily married to my best friend.  Somewhere along the line I got stupid and sent some inappropriate emails to an old girlfriend.  I had no intension of meeting with her or physically cheating on my wife, we were just sending emails that should not have been sent.  The worst part of this I broke the trust of my best friend and wife.  I need all the prayers I can get.   Also if there is a marriage counselor on here please pm me.  I love my wife and do not want to lose her.


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## redneckcamo (Mar 25, 2008)

imho ..dont lett the emotions or frustrations of this beat you down .....we all make mistakes an none of us are perfect....temptation an a lil folly are not the ruin of you mann... cease contact of any kind period with the old g-friend.....we all say  an think junk we dont have any business doin .....but aint nothin ever worth the loss of FAMILY !!!  imho ---move past this an let time heal it an learn from it .....good luck mann .!


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## Jasper (Mar 25, 2008)

Prayers sent for all to work itself out. Good luck!


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## jimamicalola (Mar 25, 2008)

It sure is easy to make a stupid mistake but, sometimes it difficult to straighten it out.  Prove to her that you love her and try to get her to understand that you were just playing around.  Let her know that it will not happen again.  Time seems to heal.  You might let her know that if the shoe was on the other foot that you would be mad but, that you would forgive her.   Good luck.


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## hevishot (Mar 25, 2008)

wish you the best but got no advice at all on this....


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## KDarsey (Mar 25, 2008)

If she don't know and you did nothing more than the e-mail I think I would just bury this and use it as a learning experience. If you love your wife and have a good marriage treat it with respect and honor and don't screw it up. Good Women (and men) are hard to find and I can promise you you don't want to be out there starting over.Love her, Cherish her and Thank God for her.
   (If it was me I might even think about deleting this thread...you never know...)


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## trckdrvr (Mar 25, 2008)

my advice(been married 3 times,so i should know)
my advice?
go ahead and go "hook up"with the old g/f...wife probably thinks you already have anyway.why be punished/suspected of doing something you didn't do...

if that doesn't work?

my advice...blame it on your wife....tell her if she wasn't so dang fat/ornery/complains to much/bossy...(whatever ,just pick one)that if she would change then you wouldn't be driven to another woman.

works every time...

trust me,it is a old female skill to turn things they have done into a mans fault....you just have to turn it around and learn to use it on them...your life/marriage will be alot better once you learn that skill......imagine you never have to apologize or worry about making mistakes,because no matter what happens....it's never your fault.
 the alternative? everything is your fault and you spend your marriage saying I'm Sorry"

give it a try,the next time you are in "trouble"...you will be amazed when it works and she tells you "she's sorry(for what you did)LOL..

you'll be swearing that the old trckdrvr is a genius!

no need to thank me,just glad i could help.

trckdrvr


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## dawg2 (Mar 25, 2008)

NOt sure if your wife knows.  If she does, apologize and tell her you made a big mistake, not by being caught but by doing it at all.  And reassure her nothing is or will go on.

If you did not get caught, then stop before you do something stupid.


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## 01Foreman400 (Mar 25, 2008)

trckdrvr said:


> my advice(been married 3 times,so i should know)
> my advice?
> go ahead and go "hook up"with the old g/f...wife probably thinks you already have anyway.why be punished/suspected of doing something you didn't do...
> 
> ...




Wow!  I see why you've been married 3 times now.  

Darrell


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## Jranger (Mar 25, 2008)

trckdrvr said:


> my advice(been married 3 times,so i should know)
> my advice?
> go ahead and go "hook up"with the old g/f...wife probably thinks you already have anyway.why be punished/suspected of doing something you didn't do...
> 
> ...




Dude,
You should be in politics!!!


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## BBD (Mar 25, 2008)

If She Don't Know Then Don't Tell Her....some Things Are Better Not Being Known. Good Luck And If It Doesn't Work Out, Then Don't Make The Other Girl Mad Cause She Might Come In Handy Over Time...( If You Catch My Drift)


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## Phillip Thurmond (Mar 25, 2008)

Wranglejoe1968, first of all don't listen to half what is posted here.  I don't know if you believe in God but if you do I think now is the time to hit your knees and 1st of all make things right between you and the lord!  2nd let your wife know that you made a mistake and will do "whatever" it takes to make things right and when you say "whatever" that means what ever she wants.  You may have to do so things that you are not comfortable with but you are the one that made the mistake.  
Become the Godly man she wants and needs you to be.  Through God's help alone all these problems go away and peace and love be restored in your marriage.


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## Handgunner (Mar 25, 2008)

trckdrvr said:


> my advice(been married 3 times,so i should know)
> my advice?
> go ahead and go "hook up"with the old g/f...wife probably thinks you already have anyway.why be punished/suspected of doing something you didn't do...
> 
> ...


 

You won't see THAT on Dr. Phil!


In all seriousness, Joe... do whatever is within your power to regain the trust of your wife.  Without a doubt, it was you that messed up according to your own post, so it is up to you to make it up.  It may take a while to build her trust again, but work at it best you can.

Marriage counseling to find out why you did what you did might be helpful.  It's obvious you were looking elsewhere for something you didn't get at home.. attention, appreciation, something...

Find out what it is you're lacking, and then find a way to fix it with the one you LOVE, not the one offering it.

Best of luck to ya, y'all are in our prayers.


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## WarrenCo (Mar 25, 2008)

I've done some stuff along time ago I'm not happy with and she doesnt know about it and she will never know either. For years I though I should tell her but I love her too much to hurt her now. What I did was well over 12years ago and I have never done it again or will do it again. Some things are better off behind, left in the past, never to be thought of again. 


theres nothing wrong with alittle flirting. if thats all you were doing?! If she doesnt know, just slap your own hand and get on with your marriage.


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## wranglerjoe1968 (Mar 25, 2008)

WarrenCo said:


> I've done some stuff along time ago I'm not happy with and she doesnt know about it and she will never know either. For years I though I should tell her but I love her too much to hurt her now. What I did was well over 12years ago and I have never done it again or will do it again. Some things are better off behind, left in the past, never to be thought of ag
> theres nothing wrong with alittle flirting. if thats all you were doing?! If she doesnt know, just slap your own hand and get on with your marriage.




It is no doubt my fault and she found one of the emails.  I was goign a little past flirting with the conservation but nothing physicall.  I am working on it and trying to keep my head in the game when she gets cranky about it.  Anyway keep praying and working that is my goal.


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## Handgunner (Mar 25, 2008)

wranglerjoe1968 said:


> It is no doubt my fault and she found one of the emails.  I was goign a little past flirting with the conservation but nothing physicall.  I am working on it and trying to keep my head in the game when she gets cranky about it.  Anyway keep praying and working that is my goal.


Never forget though that she has the right to be cranky.


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## cmghunter (Mar 25, 2008)

Marriage counsler,the best for any situation.Jesus Christ
Turn it all over to him..Pray and believe it..


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## MudDucker (Mar 25, 2008)

Go to your preacher and ask him to pray with you and your wife.


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## Spotlite (Mar 25, 2008)

Praying for ya.


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## RackNBeardOutdoors (Mar 25, 2008)

Phillip Thurmond said:


> Wranglejoe1968, first of all don't listen to half what is posted here.  I don't know if you believe in God but if you do I think now is the time to hit your knees and 1st of all make things right between you and the lord!  2nd let your wife know that you made a mistake and will do "whatever" it takes to make things right and when you say "whatever" that means what ever she wants.  You may have to do so things that you are not comfortable with but you are the one that made the mistake.
> Become the Godly man she wants and needs you to be.  Through God's help alone all these problems go away and peace and love be restored in your marriage.




Philip, that is EXCELLENT ADVICE


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## THREEJAYS (Mar 26, 2008)

Prayers for ya'll sent


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## FX Jenkins (Mar 26, 2008)

total honesty with your wife will help restore her trust in you...go ahead and give her your password to you email and anything else she asks for....but I also recommend to her that she be careful what she asks...some areas of a mans heart and mind can be disturbing...but total honesty is my advice as I have been where you are at...


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## BobbysGirl (Mar 26, 2008)

I agree with being totally honest. I am speaking from experience when I say you are going to have to give her time. My husband (man in my avatar picture) was ready to get a divorce from me about 5 years ago. I had not cheated or anything of a sort, he had just hit a place in his life I guess where he felt like he needed to get out of a rut. Well I didn't want a divorce.  I love this man way too much for that. I started reading everything from my Bible to books on repairing your marriage. The best book (was more like the size of a pamplet)I read was "How to save your marriage alone". You can get it at Amazon for $3.99. It is all Bible based. I can tell you know that my marriage is still intact and we are falling in love with each other again too, but this time it is stronger. I also read a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate " and there is a new Mens edition. This is something I think all married couples should read. It shows you how to love your mate by figuring out their "love language". What makes them feel the most loved? That is all you have to find out and use that to woo her. Pray and pray a lot. Ask God to help you say the right things and do the right things.


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## Workin2Hunt (Mar 26, 2008)

BobbysGirl said:


> I agree with being totally honest. I am speaking from experience when I say you are going to have to give her time. My husband (man in my avatar picture) was ready to get a divorce from me about 5 years ago. I had not cheated or anything of a sort, he had just hit a place in his life I guess where he felt like he needed to get out of a rut. Well I didn't want a divorce.  I love this man way too much for that. I started reading everything from my Bible to books on repairing your marriage. The best book (was more like the size of a pamplet)I read was "How to save your marriage alone". You can get it at Amazon for $3.99. It is all Bible based. I can tell you know that my marriage is still intact and we are falling in love with each other again too but this time it is stronger. I also read a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate " and there is a new Mens edition. This is something I think all married couples should read. It shows you how to love your mate by figuring out their "love language". What makes them feel the most loved? That is all you have to find out and use that to woo her.



I am pretty lucky huh...


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## BobbysGirl (Mar 27, 2008)

Workin2Hunt said:


> I am pretty lucky huh...




Yes sir thats my baby.


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## ray97303 (Mar 29, 2008)

trckdrvr said:


> my advice(been married 3 times,so i should know)
> my advice?
> go ahead and go "hook up"with the old g/f...wife probably thinks you already have anyway.why be punished/suspected of doing something you didn't do...
> 
> ...



 Listen to Doctor's Advice!


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## jesuslives31548 (Mar 30, 2008)

prayer sent, If you truly repented Gof forgives. Dont let the devil beat you down. Talk to your wife. Repent to her if you have not. But remember satin will find our weakness. He will bring this back around again, you have to decide to do the right thing...


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## Corey (Mar 31, 2008)

I feel for you man, Everytime my old lady and I get into a argument she brings up how I never clean around the house. I would hate for her to have some kind of ammo like this. All you can do is pray about it and take your licks.

Good Luck 

Corey


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## wranglerjoe1968 (Mar 31, 2008)

The licks are sure getting old.  I made my bed and I am trying to hang tuff.  I guess I should have behaved better when we were dating as well.


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## White Stag (Mar 31, 2008)

Women think about this stuff differently than we do. And though nothing "physical" happened you still had an emotional affair, which can be more painful for a woman. I agree with Phillip Thurmond and MudDucker; pray with your pastor. I will be prayin for you. Be patient with her this will take TIME to heal for her.


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## MustangMAtt30 (Mar 31, 2008)

First off, pray for forgiveness from God and pray also for God to restore your marriage.  Ask for God to allow you wife to forgive you as well.

Talking to an ex on a computer is a very slippery slope.  One day you are talking, the next day you are meeting for drinks, and then perhaps you will find yourself meeting for more.  Cut off all contact with this person.  Get you mind back on your marriage.  You owe that to your wife and your children if you have some.  Marriage is not easy.  You have to work on it daily.  You have to pray about it.  You have to realize that Satan hates families and he does everything he can to destroy them.  If your chink in your spritual armor is Lust and attraction to others then he will constantly hit you there.  You have to pray for help not to be tempted.  Find a spritual brother that you can talk candidly with. 

Love your wife like Christ loved the Church.  That means self sacrifice of your needs for her.  That doesn't mean bossing her around.  It means being a servant for her.  Some of the men on here will laugh at that.  They are the ones that probably have unhappy wives back home.  I am not saying that you are still not the leader of the household, I am just saying that you need to be more intune with your wife's needs than your own.  If you truly repent, make ammends with your wife, and work at this your marriage will blossom ten fold.


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## brofoster (Mar 31, 2008)

*Listen to Phil*

Been there and done that one.  The likely hood is that your wife is not going to leave.  That can be a good or a bad thing depending on you.  You need to be sorry and let it be known that you are.  If she had done it, as men we want to kill em.  Throw every drop of pride you have away and crawl back if you have to.  

Being a big man and sticking your chest out is not the right thing to do right now.  Without trust, there is nothing.  Trust is not given it is earned; easily damaged and hard to regain.  

Let her see you cry if you have but put your house back together, and do it sooner than later.      


Phillip Thurmond said:


> Wranglejoe1968, first of all don't listen to half what is posted here.  I don't know if you believe in God but if you do I think now is the time to hit your knees and 1st of all make things right between you and the lord!  2nd let your wife know that you made a mistake and will do "whatever" it takes to make things right and when you say "whatever" that means what ever she wants.  You may have to do so things that you are not comfortable with but you are the one that made the mistake.
> Become the Godly man she wants and needs you to be.  Through God's help alone all these problems go away and peace and love be restored in your marriage.


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## Coon Dog (Apr 10, 2008)

*life is bad sometimes but be strong*

im praying for you !!! my wife just left  for 2nd  time and give us no chance to work our problems out she just left talking about problems will prevent this but i  most always talk about my problems the wife just give up with out talking about the  problems she had with me no way to fix  the problems if you dont no what they are so i had to file for devorce she showed me no future for us she was going to do it anyway i saved her the hassel the worst part is we have two little girls that it is going to effect in the future look to god for your needs thats  what im doing  I PRAY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CRAP I AM GOING THREW  EXSPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE KIDS IM PRAYING FOR YOU THAT SHE DON'T GO EVERYBODY DESERVES A CHANCE LORD KNOWS I GIVE MINE ENOUGH


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## wranglerjoe1968 (Apr 11, 2008)

Guys we are hanging in there.  The trust is slow that is for sure and she still says things about it.  But it is getting better.  Keep the prayers coming.


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## southwoodshunter (Apr 11, 2008)

FX Jenkins said:


> total honesty with your wife will help restore her trust in you...but I also recommend to her that she be careful what she asks...some areas of a mans heart and mind can be disturbing...but total honesty is my advice as I have been where you are at...





White Stag said:


> Women think about this stuff differently than we do.  Be patient with her this will take TIME to heal for her.






ROBD said:


> Been on the opposite end of this.  Your wife needs to regain your trust all over again.  Give her passwords to all of your emails, voicemails, ect.  You have to be transparent, tell her where you are going and who you are with at all times.  Call and check in when she is not expecting you to check in.  It will be a long road, but with faith and prayer you can survive.



From a woman's point of view I agree with most of these reply's, you are going to have to regain her trust, and you should be willing to put as much effort into doing that as you did emailing your ex.. alot of men that think the grass may be greener on the other side might just find out they have a very good garden at home if they tend to it like they should.. relationships are alot like gardens you have to nourish them, watch over them, and most importantly you have to weed out the bad things before they get the best of it... and then you will be able to reap the rewards of your hard work.
Computers have been the fall of alot of marriages, I can attest to that... they are good if used for such, but when secrets begin in a marriage, trust is the first thing to go..and the hardest to get back... sometimes it never does..
Wish you luck with your marriage, and she also needs to stop with the remarks, either decide for herself she is going to stay with you & if so , for her sanity she will have to stop dragging it back up, it only makes more misery for the both of you, if she is the type that can do that, if not some counseling may help..


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## Huntinfool (Apr 11, 2008)

Joe,

If you're REALLY committed and it's worth any amount of money to save your marriage, shoot me a PM.  I JUST got back from a 4 day marriage intensive with my wife up at WinShape in Rome.  We have been facing some very serious problems too and this was literally the best experience of my life.  We still have a long way to go, but our marriage is safe, we're in love and we're both committed to making things better.  It was the best money I've ever spent in my life and I would highly suggest you consider it.


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## Randy (Apr 11, 2008)

It can be worked out.  Believe me.  You know what I have been through first hand.  You have broken that trust she had for you.  It will take a long long long time and lots of behind kissing.  First thing is to appologize, second confirm you both want to make it work.  After that she has to forgive and forget.  That is the hard part.  I have a book called "The Bait of Satan" that she and you are welcome to borrow and read.  It's all about forgiving.

Saying I am sorry is the easy part.  Her forgiveness is the hard part.  Until she forgives and forgets it will keep the two of you from making it work.

Prayers sent and you know my number!


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