# Thoughts on holding your child back for sports....



## westexasagent (Jan 10, 2011)

I was approached by a coach about holding my son back a grade for football. At first I was like "nah" but then i got to thinking about it. My son is very good at the sport and has very good genetics ( I played college and pro ball-I am 6'4" and wife is 5'9"-My Dad is 6'7" and uncle 6'5"-sister 6'3"). My son is 11 years old -6th grade-5'9"-230 lbs -wears a size 12 shoe. He is the 4th fastest kid on our team even out sprinting kids half his size. I am not one of those obsessed Dad's but i want to do what is best for him because i realized he is one of the youngest in his class. His birthday is in June and that means he will turn 18 right after he graduates High School and will be 17 his whole senior year. He is a good student (B's) right now. He said he is ok with it (so far). I told a friend of mine that I was thinking about it and his wife went off on me about possible social problems, but I was thinking that say he was a talented in school, then they wouldn't have a problem advancing him grades to challenge him. To me that would be more of a social problem. I don't know. Any of you have any thoughts or experiences?


----------



## westexasagent (Jan 10, 2011)

*pic of us*

Here is Matthew and me at the Turkey Day Classic national football tournament this year and another pic of Matt and a team mate. Our team got 2nd (lost 20-16). After the game our running back, Ricky Hubert and Matthew were asked to play in the FBU Youth All American Game at the Alamobowl in San Antonio. The game is usually only for 7th-8th graders.


----------



## maker4life (Jan 10, 2011)

I knew a guy that did basicly the same thing . He was a little more advanced than the rest of us in middle school but once we got to high school everyone else kind of caught up and he never finished playing hs ball .

I didn't see any kind of social problems as a matter of fact he became a very good friend of all the guys in our class . Went on to graduate college and is a very successful buisness man now .


----------



## Boondocks (Jan 10, 2011)

I think he will be just fine where he is now.With his size and grades their is no reason to hold him back and his friends and classmates go on.If it was going to be done i think kindergarden would have been the place to do it.I would tell the coach to raise his own kids how he wants,and enjoy the football star while he is in school because it will be over soon enough.Then some college will be after your son.I would tell your son to study and play hard and it will all be for the best.


----------



## Jeff Phillips (Jan 10, 2011)

I have a June 29th B'day and wish I could have played 1 more year of HS ball! I graduated at 17. I had offers for partials at small schools and got to talk to a couple of big schools.

If I had played at 18 I could have gotten a full ride!

If he is OK with it, I would do it!


----------



## Georgia Hard Hunter (Jan 10, 2011)

What overall message would this teach this young man? Also consider if he makes it to a D-1 school he'll mostly likely get redshirted his Freshman year.  Now if he's the 1 in 10,000 that go Pro thats 2 years off his Pro career before he's played a snap. If he's really good that's a few million less he'll make in his career. From a economic standpoint that is.


----------



## Blue Iron (Jan 10, 2011)

1 Extra year of HS ball? If he loves it go for it!


----------



## Madsnooker (Jan 10, 2011)

Well,

My wife and I held my oldest son back a year, primarily because he failed the fcat in 3rd grade, At the time, we never knew he would be a very good basketball player. Anyway, he did go to summer school and then took another test that would let him move on to fourth grade. We were told very few passed that test but somehow he did. However, like I said, we decided to go ahead and hold him back as we felt it would help him in the long run. We then started homeschooling all three of our kids and last year, at the end of his seventh grade he tested so high that our local school board said we could advance him ahead to the 9th grade, basically skipping 8th. At the time, we were considering putting him back in public school and because we were homeschooling him, his placement was based on his testing level. I told you all this so the next part will make sense.

Now, to get to your question, my son is 14 and 6'3". He is very physically gifted and is very good at basketball. Even though we are homeschooling him, he plays varsity basketball for a christian school as well as play on an AAU traveling team that was ranked 13th in the nation last year. When we were deciding to advance him to the 9th grade, his basketball was a big deciding factor. We finally decided to just let him continue on in 8th grade and not jump to 9th(the grade he would have been in if not held back in 3rd grade) becuase it would give him another year of high school basketball. He will still graduate at 18 yrs old. We are also still homeschooling him. He will go to public school next year at the highschool I feel he is best suited for, coaching wise.

So, long story short, he was held back, but initially it was about grades. When we had the opportunity to advance him back to original grade we decided not because of basketball. A little different than what you are asking but same outcome. Now, would we have held him back originally just for sports. I have no idea but my geuss would be no. Hope this wasn't confusing.


----------



## egomaniac247 (Jan 10, 2011)

Holding a kid back just based on sports is some pretty suspect parenting IMO.  I wouldn't do it....and if I did, I sure wouldn't tell people it was to take advantage of sports.


----------



## Bransdad (Jan 10, 2011)

I have a friend who was a QB in the NFL. He was held back a grade. He has a son that is above average athlete and he's considering holding him back a year, because his birthday falls in July.


----------



## Hunting Teacher (Jan 10, 2011)

OK I'll admit I'm probably the wrong person to answer this being my built in predijuce. 
First this only goes if your son is in public school, if in private that's between you and the school you are paying to attend. 
Is your son doing fine academically? Is he well adjusted socially? Do his academic teachers recommend he be held back? Please remember the purpose of tax payer funded public school. To provide an academic education to children. Hopefully to prepare them for getting a job. (We seem to do a pretty poor job of this.) Or to prepare them for college. (We do a slightly better job of this.)
Looking at you and listening to your story I see no reason to think your son would need an extra year. You made it to college and the pros. He probably has every chance to have a shot too.
I can sure see why a coach would want to hold on to him for an extra year though! Good luck to your son with whatever you decide. I'm sure he will be successful either way with a concerned, involved Dad like you. It makes all the difference!!


----------



## westexasagent (Jan 10, 2011)

I have to say we have had questions about his maturity level. For one thing-He still has to go to sleep with his mom or me (after he falls asleep we go get in our bed). He wont stay the night at other homes. He seems to get along better with kids younger than him. His grades are decent but not a  scholar. In our area of Texas I am told we invented what they call the "West Texas red shirt"-go figure with Permian here-LOL! Alot of kids do this, but I am not sure I agree or not. In Texas the school won't stop the parents if you request it (at least not here).


----------



## SGaither (Jan 10, 2011)

Hold him back, let him enjoy it as long has he enjoys it.  Just my 2 cents, what do I know I've got an 18 month old little girl who I'd keep at home as long as I can.


----------



## Doc_Holliday23 (Jan 10, 2011)

I think it's ridiculous to hold a kid back for athletics.

There's a reason that athletics, music, drama, Et al. are called "extracurricular activities.". That's because they are not the main focus of an education.  They are extra.  And, IMO, they should never take any kind of precedence over academics when it comes to major decisions, which I think this is.

I also don't think it's very fair to his peers against whom he'll be playing.  If he has the genes, the ability, the drive, the size, the work ethic, then he'll easily overcome any "disadvantage" he may have by being a few months younger than the rest of his classmates.

No offense intended, hope you don't take it that way.


----------



## brownceluse (Jan 10, 2011)

If he is this good now. There is no reason to hold him back. When he gets to HS everyone will average out. With exceptions to a few special players. My son was a beast last year on his team. This year he was average at best. He moved up a age group. He was second biggest kid year before last. This was his second year. He played with kids going into their fifth year. The only way to get better at anything is to play against the best. Leave him were he is, and when he gets to HS one more year aint going to make or break him. Good luck anyway you choose. JMHO!


----------



## Bones (Jan 10, 2011)

*Holding back*

I graduated from high school when I was 17 and was a very good baseball pitcher.  My dad and I in later years realized that I should have waited another year before starting school.  If I would waited another year and graduated when I was 18 I would have been more mature mentally and would have matured more physically also.  I believe the extra year would not hurt in your sons mental maturation and certainly would benefit him physically.  

Bones


----------



## Doc_Holliday23 (Jan 10, 2011)

Waiting an extra year to altogether different, IMO.  At least you go through class with the same kids and you don't re-take any material.

How did your mental immaturity hamper you?  Did it, in any way, negatively affect your academic progress?


----------



## LittleHolder (Jan 10, 2011)

My advice is to be the best Father you can to that boy.  I suspect you are a great one.  Hold him back or not, he will be a number ONE draft pick in life if his parents teach him right and wrong and respect.  I would never judge you and Mom on what you decide.  Big, strong, fast, smart, rich, or good looking won't help when you need family, and he will one day.  Do what you have done for 11 years brother, raise him and make the best decisions you can.  The rest will fall in place.  Hey on a lighter note,,,,,, I am starting to worry about my 3 year old son......he loves playing with Mommy's hair all the time.......If he is doing that at your son's age I may look into speeding him up instead of holding back.


----------



## meherg (Jan 10, 2011)

Just keep in mine that when hes in college and 30 years old partying like heck dont take him out those are the fun years for sure
JUST PICKING I WOULDNT DO IT


----------



## greene_dawg (Jan 10, 2011)

Not my kid but there is no way I'd hold my kid back from advancing in to an educational grade that he or she is obviously capable of handling just so they could dominate kids a year younger than them in sports.


----------



## Twenty five ought six (Jan 10, 2011)

Hate to be the cynic, but the coach isn't suggesting you hold the boy back for the boy's good.

Seen it done, have never seen consistent provable benefits.


----------



## paddlin samurai (Jan 10, 2011)

My son was 17 his whole senior year with a birthday in July and we tried to hold him back his last year in middle school but the teachers/principal wouldnt agree to it.  Smart kid with good grades but emotionally younger than his classmates but a good basketball player.  ( sent him to all the Carolina basketball camps).  When he graduated he was 6'4" and grew 3 inches that summer- i wish i could have sent him to a private school when the school over-rode us but he received an academic ride so it all turned out o.k.


----------



## hotdawg (Jan 10, 2011)

"He said he is ok with it (so far)"

he looks like a fine boy and likes to be like dad.

sometimes kids will do anything to please us. even if its not their preference. 

good luck and keep your son first in mind, not a coach or anyone else.


----------



## centerc (Jan 10, 2011)

I had a friend in High school that did this ended up quitting football and high school. But you played pro ball so you know more about ball than me. What are the downside with holding him back?My birthday was in June didnt affect me but I wasnt that good in sports.


----------



## General Lee (Jan 10, 2011)

As far as the social side goes,him being one of the youngest in his class as he is now sometimes creates issues.Most will be driving before him and such.I say go for it...........


----------



## polkhunt (Jan 10, 2011)

If he is the that size and is that good you have no reason to hold him back. I personally think that no sport would be worth holding your kid backno matter how good he or she is. I think he should understand first and foremost that academics if the most important thing. I think most people on this forum could name someone they know who was great at football and lost that dream in one play.


----------



## MCBUCK (Jan 10, 2011)

westexasagent said:


> I have to say we have had questions about his maturity level. For one thing-He still has to go to sleep with his mom or me (after he falls asleep we go get in our bed). He wont stay the night at other homes. He seems to get along better with kids younger than him. His grades are decent but not a  scholar. In our area of Texas I am told we invented what they call the "West Texas red shirt"-go figure with Permian here-LOL! Alot of kids do this, but I am not sure I agree or not. In Texas the school won't stop the parents if you request it (at least not here).



Saw it happen here in my county a lot...and it was worth it to most of the parents/kids I saw do it, so we did it with our son for much the same reasons you are citing (maturity level, and friends were in athe lower grade)



Twenty five ought six said:


> Hate to be the cynic, but the coach isn't suggesting you hold the boy back for the boy's good.
> 
> Seen it done, have never seen consistent provable benefits.



Sure the coach loves it...it is to his advantage as well as the teams. There is a very distinct reason he wants to see the kid held back....see your next statement.
I've seen it done with a lot of consistent benefits.  An 18yo defensive end, has a world of advantage over an equally talented OT or TE that is 17 or 16....trust me.



polkhunt said:


> If he is the that size and is that good you have no reason to hold him back. I personally think that no sport would be worth holding your kid back no matter how good he or she is. I think he should understand first and foremost that academics if the most important thing. I think most people on this forum could name someone they know who was great at football and lost that dream in one play.




Do you have a son that plays? A daughter? If the answer is no, then I can understand why you used the phrase, "I think" so much.  You have a very valid point here though...academics are a priority....*segway to priorities* 
One of a prents main proritites is to ensure that their child has every legal& fair advantage possible to succeed in life. 



to the OP:
My son mostly sat the bench in the 8th grade.  He was only decent sized, and had fair speed, but somewhat athelectic.  He was a fair BB post, and an OK first baseman...didn't care much about FB at all, and wasn't going to even play in HS.  He was pretty much a clone of the OP's kid, and the situation was nearly identical: friends a year behind him, grades were so-so, etc....So he stayed back a year...no sports that year, except for some rec league BB. At the end of his 2nd 8th grade yr, he decided he wanted to play FB, out of the blue.  Good, because he was about 6'2" and 200lbs, and could run like a deer. To shorten the story, he wound up a four year starter at DE, 2 yrs at TE, started a total of 47games,All Area three years, All region, All North Ga. Defensive player of the year as a Sr. played as a DE for 4 yrs 3 of those years@ 6'4" 220-235lbs running a 4.65--not bad for a HS kid.  Went to App State on a FB scholarship.  Holding them back ...bad??  good?? Even he will tell you it was good for him, both atheletically, academically, and socially.


----------



## polkhunt (Jan 11, 2011)

I do have a son that plays sports (baseball and basketball).


----------



## Pat Tria (Jan 11, 2011)

I graduated from HS at 17 and needed another year of mental and physical maturation.  I played football and lacrosse and it was tough being the youngest senior on the team. I attended a post graduate year of HS at Bridgton Academy which actually was the year that changed my life. There were numerous student/athletes in my class that tremendously benefited from the PG year. I'd say keep your son on track in school and if you think he  needs another year, consider a PG year of HS before college.


----------



## Black Crowes (Jan 11, 2011)

It's a SAD reflection of society that you would even ASK this question.


Parents (some NOT all) put WAY, WAY, WAY to much priority on sports.


----------



## westexasagent (Jan 11, 2011)

I agree with putting priority in academics. My wife takes that ball and runs with it. Grades fall and you sit out until they come up.  IF we did this we would consider putting him in an advanced class to challenge him as he repeated a grade. 

I never even thought or considered this until we were approached, but now the more I think about it I can see more Pro's than I did before thru getting opinions here and other people. 

It is hard to predict if he will get better or grow more. But I do look at the fact of how much another year of weight lifting and working out would do for him. I think back to personal experience on this. I also think about if we started him too early and his proper place should be in fact be a grade lower then are we just correcting that now? I realize he is NOT me and his life is unique from mine. i just want to do what benefits him. He will go to college without athletic or academic scholarship either way. But I think of the life experiences I had playing it I wouldnt ever trade them. I have a bachelors and masters degree but I truly think sports gave me the drive and more life skills to succeed int he adult world. 

Thanks everyone for the input!


----------



## Tank1202 (Jan 11, 2011)

I got held back in Kendergarden(I know this is ALOT different). But like posted above an 18 year old OT will have a field day againt a 17 or 16 year old DT or DE. And if the boy is still falling asleep with mom and dad than there might be some maturity issues here also.


----------



## DSGB (Jan 11, 2011)

Bones said:


> I graduated from high school when I was 17 and was a very good baseball pitcher.  My dad and I in later years realized that I should have waited another year before starting school.  If I would waited another year and graduated when I was 18 I would have been more mature mentally and would have matured more physically also.  I believe the extra year would not hurt in your sons mental maturation and certainly would benefit him physically.
> 
> Bones



I was in the same boat with my birthday being July 20th. Needless to say, I was usually the youngest in my age group in sports. I still made the All-Star team every year, though. 
A few years ago they changed the rules (for LL baseball anyway), so that I would have had an extra year. I see kids like Kyle Carter dominating his age group and wish I would've been able to do the same. However, I wouldn't consider holding my child back in school for the benefit of sports.


----------



## skeeter24 (Jan 11, 2011)

I would never even dream of doing this with one of my two sons for athletic purposes only as that IMO would send the wrong message.  

How big is this school?  I went to a small school where football was the king sport and if a parent would have held the kid backed he would have been made fun of daily for failing even if the parents said it was for other reasons.


----------



## Madsnooker (Jan 11, 2011)

ekim22 said:


> Holding a kid back just based on sports is some pretty suspect parenting IMO.  I wouldn't do it....and if I did, I sure wouldn't tell people it was to take advantage of sports.



Not sure if that was directed at me since it was the next post after mine but, as I said, he was held back originally for academic reasons in the third grade. Still passed but felt, with his age, it was best, as he did start kindergarden early. When we did have the opportunity, years later when he completed 7th grade(when we thought he might go back to public school the next year) to move him up to 9th grade because he tested so well, we just decided to move him to 8th, which was the grade he would have moved to if he had stayed in the public school system.


----------



## cooper23 (Jan 31, 2011)

*what do u think*

i'm going through the same thing with my son. His birthday is the end of June and he's a baseball player, all his friends on the team are in 4th grade ( he's in 5th ). He is my only child and i am seriously thinking about keeping him back, not just for baseball but also because i dont want to send him off to college so soon. I've been reading alot of forums for peoples input , please help


----------



## rex upshaw (Jan 31, 2011)

take the sports aspect out of the equation and do what's best for your child and his personal development.


----------



## cooper23 (Jan 31, 2011)

thats just it ,figuring whats best for his personal development. the only thing that causes me pause is the social aspect


----------



## CAL (Jan 31, 2011)

rex upshaw said:


> take the sports aspect out of the equation and do what's best for your child and his personal development.



I agree,did you send your son to school for and education or to play football?Sounds like football is more important to you as a father than education.To me it would be the other way around.Football is just an extra curricular activity after education.I agree with your wife!Good luck with making the correct decision.JMHO


----------

