# Divorce Advice



## Phoelix (Sep 11, 2012)

21 year marriage, 1 child involved (13 years old), no property issues, only Alimony and Child support...My income is approximately 92k, hers 3k....we are currently separated (3 months now) and I have been paying her rent of $1000 per month, plus an additional $1000 per month child support...Should I:

A) Hire an attorney (he quoted me approx $6,000)
B) Try to settle with Ex to agree to $2k per month, and save attorney fee? 

   What to do, what to do......


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## Gadestroyer74 (Sep 11, 2012)

Dang dude ! I have been through 2 however there was not that kinda money involved I have no advise


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## dkang (Sep 11, 2012)

If it were me, I would use an attorney and look out for #1. If you want to continue a lasting relationship with your child, go for full custody or joint legal custody with extensive visitation (hate that term). People change when going thru divorce and don't always behave as they should. Money won't matter as much 10-15 yrs from now, your relationship with your child will. Just my opinion and you know what they say about those. Good luck. I hope it stays civil.


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## valkrod (Sep 11, 2012)

Get attorney, ssa, retirement, and a lot of others issues are on the table and the judge can add items if he feels settlement not fair.


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## centerc (Sep 11, 2012)

2000 per month is not bad if she will agree my friend used lawyers and they seemed to drag it out delay to get more money out of you.


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## hobbs27 (Sep 11, 2012)

Phoelix said:


> 21 year marriage, 1 child involved (13 years old), no property issues, only Alimony and Child support...My income is approximately 92k, hers 3k....we are currently separated (3 months now) and I have been paying her rent of $1000 per month, plus an additional $1000 per month child support...Should I:
> 
> A) Hire an attorney (he quoted me approx $6,000)
> B) Try to settle with Ex to agree to $2k per month, and save attorney fee?
> ...



Attorney. You won't have to pay alimony but child support is a given, you can look at the child support services web-site for a chid support calculater, the judge will consider your income, her income, and how many children, plus you will have to cover insurance and prob college tuition.

$6,000 is a bit steep if you're not fighting over material things and custody.


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## HD28 (Sep 11, 2012)

Pay NOW, or PAY later! 
Get a GOOD lawyer now and don't mess around!


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## oatmeal1 (Sep 11, 2012)

Hire an Attorney. Yes they drag it out but i feel that it is necessary when children are involved.


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## ribber (Sep 11, 2012)

HD28 said:


> Pay NOW, or PAY later!
> Get a GOOD lawyer now and don't mess around!



i agree with this. in a divorce it's YOU vs. her. the system is 'rigged' against you from the start no matter who's at fault or who initiated it.


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## gunnurse (Sep 11, 2012)

Ditto on the lawyer. Also, include language about Dad bashing. You might not think it could or will happen, but I have adult children that are still emotionaly damaged because of this issue. (But wait...this is about advice to you- not a counseling event for me.) If you are in the Lookout Mountain Judicial Circuit, I have noticed that they are pretty tilted to favor the female. Just a personal observation.


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## Shug (Sep 11, 2012)

I would advise an attorney.  Best advice you will ever here is " You don't know a woman till you meet her in court"


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## BAR308 (Sep 11, 2012)

OR

Choice C) Loan Marlin some money cause with a 92k salary... u can afford it...  lol.. sorry j/k.


D) MAKE IT WORK!!!! if you can any way possible... but if you cant..

A) hire an atty... 

is your choice. many years of feeding her ali/child support can add up to a LOT more than 6k.


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## quint (Sep 11, 2012)

I think if the two of you can, Can settle it with out an attorney,
Then both of will be better off, Because if  two attorneys get involved, Then they will be the only two that win anything


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## hunterofopportunity (Sep 11, 2012)

change the lock on ur doors if she ever lived at ur house,learned that lesson the hard way.get an attorney,get advise.meanest woman i ever met was in court,found out i was the devil according to her lawyer.


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## Darien1 (Sep 12, 2012)

I just gave mine everything.  We used the same lawyer to write it up.  Literally I gave her all marital assets just to slip quietly away.  36 years of marriage.  I am at peace now.


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## Huntress (Sep 12, 2012)

After that many years of marriage, I would get an attorney to handle things.  Child support number one, alimony is hit or miss, but she will be entitled to SS off of you and that needs to be handled in a legal fashion.  Sorry it did come to this but please cover yourself.  Keep communication open and the more the two of you can agree on the easier it will be to get it settled and quickly.


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## SarahFair (Sep 12, 2012)

The child should be old enough to voice and opinion on who they want to live with
I would get an attorney to figure out the money situation. 

You never know what will happen down the road, and something WILL happen. When it does the courts are going to slap you on the wrists for not doing something about it sooner.


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## Milkman (Sep 12, 2012)

Get the black heartedest, meanest divorce attorney in your part of the world. Female attorneys usually fit this description best. You can bet the ex will have a good attorney in this process. 

DO NOT let your love for your daughter have any affect on this.  You can give her whatever you want, any time you want aside from the court settlement. 

DO NOT let any affection you may still have for the ex become a factor in this LEGAL process.  The family is dissolved.

You will loose money and come up on the short end of the stick even with a good attorney, but it will be MUCH better than not using one.


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## HD28 (Sep 12, 2012)

Milkman said:


> Get the black heartedest, meanest divorce attorney in your part of the world. Female attorneys usually fit this description best. You can bet the ex will have a good attorney in this process.
> 
> DO NOT let your love for your daughter have any affect on this.  You can give her whatever you want, any time you want aside from the court settlement.
> 
> ...



PERFECT advice here!!!!!!


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## biggdogg (Sep 12, 2012)

SarahFair said:


> The child should be old enough to voice and opinion on who they want to live with
> I would get an attorney to figure out the money situation.



IIRC, 14 is the age at which the child can decide.

legal disclaimer... i'm not a lawyer and i did NOT stay at a holiday inn express last night...


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## LWAL (Sep 12, 2012)

i am sorry, divorce is not easy...yes to lawyer...14 is correct...what about mediation...you can also find good information online about georgia child support (worksheet) it will give you some idea...good luck.


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## Casey81 (Sep 13, 2012)

A lawyer will be the best money spent. My ex and I tried to go through the proceedings without one and it started turning ugly quick. As soon as I got my lawyer involved it smoothed out and was over much quicker. Ours was a simple divorce and was not that expensive but worth every penny to not have a headache that could come back to haunt me later on down the road.


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## Dr. Strangelove (Sep 13, 2012)

Yep. Lawyer up.  You'll be kicking yourself in the long run if you don't.


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## Mac (Sep 13, 2012)

For sure get an attorney you can trust, not one that is playing golf with your wifes attorney on the weekends.


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## Phoelix (Sep 17, 2012)

She's agreed to 1800 per month, and half of my income taxes....has made it clear she does'nt want my 401k or IRA...If we have this written up, me pay for the attorney fees, and the mediator signs off on it, is it automatic for the judge to agree? Or can the judge modify it if he/she feels like it?  Im thinking even with a good lawyer, Im not gonna get off this easy....what do ya'll think?


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## Miguel Cervantes (Sep 17, 2012)

Milkman said:


> Get the black heartedest, meanest divorce attorney in your part of the world. Female attorneys usually fit this description best. You can bet the ex will have a good attorney in this process.
> 
> DO NOT let your love for your daughter have any affect on this.  You can give her whatever you want, any time you want aside from the court settlement.
> 
> ...



What he said..


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## hobbs27 (Sep 17, 2012)

Phoelix said:


> She's agreed to 1800 per month, and half of my income taxes....has made it clear she does'nt want my 401k or IRA...If we have this written up, me pay for the attorney fees, and the mediator signs off on it, is it automatic for the judge to agree? Or can the judge modify it if he/she feels like it?  Im thinking even with a good lawyer, Im not gonna get off this easy....what do ya'll think?



Get a lawyer.Stop kidding yourself that you can work this out amongst yourselves...if you could agree on how to divorce you could agree on how to stay together and that hasn't worked, has it?
 If you don't get a lawyer and do it right the first time you will just be back in court, and you will have to get a lawyer then. This is from experience.


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## leemckinney (Sep 17, 2012)

Shug said:


> I would advise an attorney.  Best advice you will ever here is " You don't know a woman till you meet her in court"



 Yes!


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## Hooked On Quack (Sep 17, 2012)

milkman said:


> get the black heartedest, meanest divorce attorney in your part of the world. Female attorneys usually fit this description best. You can bet the ex will have a good attorney in this process.
> 
> Do not let your love for your daughter have any affect on this.  You can give her whatever you want, any time you want aside from the court settlement.
> 
> ...





^^^^^^^^ listen !!!!!!!!!!!


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## wulf (Sep 17, 2012)

I've been through it, get a lawyer! Things to remember, she could up an move to another state with your child and say if you want to see them you'll have to travel there. I had a block to prevent to prevent my ex from moving more than 75 miles from our local courthouse or she would lose custody. No opposite sex partners spending the night! It sucks you are going through this, but you have to think about you and your child! It's hard to go back and change things down the road. Good luck!


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## wranglerjoe1968 (Sep 17, 2012)

call my sister in law


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## hornhunter44 (Sep 17, 2012)

Get a lawyer. I tried this with my ex and we had written everything down and even went as far as getting it notorized and we agreed to split the cost of getting an attorney to draw up the papers. I was working out of town so she was going to handle it and that is when it all changed and the attorney convinced her she was coming out on the short end and tried to clean me out.
Long story short got my own attorney and judge held up our original agreement. They will say one thing bit all bets are off once she sees an attorney. You have alot to lose $ wise and you need to protect your rights as far as your child is concerned. Moral clause in the papers is also highly advised.


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## JohnnyWalker (Sep 18, 2012)

Not touting any particular lawyer/s but Cooper and Cooper who advertise on WSB say they work for the man's side.  Believe me, even a lot of attorneys and definitely the courts favor the woman's side and you are scum as far as they are concerned.  Learned that from personal experience.

Now, you mentioned sharing an attorney.  The reality of it is that the person who hires the attorney is the one who is represented.  The other person is just along for the short end of the stick.

Be aware that as time wears on, your wife's friends, etc. will begin to tell her horror stories and suggest all sorts of things to demand and how to put the screws to you so the sooner you get this finished the better.

Here is some pre-divorce advice:
If you have a computer at home, get it.  Buy your wife a newer one if you must.  On your computer have a computer expert go through to find out if your wife has been up to anything you need to know about.
After it has been examined, have the hard drive replaced and lose the old drive.  You don't want anything from the old drive on your new drive.
If you are on Facebook or any other of those social media accounts close them and get off now!  If you have e-mail stop using it.  If you have a cell phone clean it out, pictures, text messages, etc.. In fact replace the cell phone and shut off text messaging all together.   You cannot erase all the memory in those cell phones.  An expert can still retrieve the data.
You want to disappear from the electronic world.  Your activities WILL be scrutinized to make you look as bad as possible.

Who ever you get to represent you make sure that they are top notch family law attorneys.  You wouldn't buy a parachute from GoodWill to go sky diving would you?  Your job is to protect yourself because the courts are not going to do that.

And lastly, until your youngest is grown, you are going to be subject to all your X's bad moods, hissy fits and mind changes.  Just because things like visitation, support, etc. are in the divorce agreement DOES NOT MEAN that they can be enforced without going back to court.  Excepting child support.  Miss that and you can loose your driver's license and wind up in jail for non payment.  You NEVER want to go back to court if you can avoid it.  Your X's attorney will use that opportunity to ask for all kinds of additional stuff like child support because you are making more now, etc. and changes to visitation.

Also, be aware that if your X gets an attorney the first thing that is likely to happen is that he will file a restraining order against you to keep away and not harrass her (EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T AND DON'T INTEND TO!).  When that happens you could well loose your right to concealed carry.  Happened to a relative of mine.


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## Parker Phoenix (Sep 19, 2012)

Going through it myself, right now. Get an attorney.


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## Dog Hunter (Sep 19, 2012)

Phoelix said:


> She's agreed to 1800 per month, and half of my income taxes....has made it clear she does'nt want my 401k or IRA...If we have this written up, me pay for the attorney fees, and the mediator signs off on it, is it automatic for the judge to agree? Or can the judge modify it if he/she feels like it?  Im thinking even with a good lawyer, Im not gonna get off this easy....what do ya'll think?



Been there.  Thought the same thing, everything was worked out etc.  Was I ever wrong.  Ended up in court, 21 months after we seperated I was finally divorced.  I got both of my kids full time.  Males can have custody, if that is what you want, then go for it.

There appears to be a LOT of items you don't have covered.  Some are.  Custody, visitation, dropoff/pick ups, if either move, taxes, dependants, it may be clear on 401k etc. but if not in papers it doesn't matter, debt/savings, house, material items (yes, this is a big one) I mean every little thing, child care and health care bills and insurance, holidays, overnight company, and a lot more.

Remember if it's not in papers, then it doesn't matter what you have agreed to.


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## Dog Hunter (Sep 19, 2012)

Also, half of income taxes?  I'd be careful how much I had deducted from my check and my investements.  She could get a nice fat check each year and you would be paying all the taxes on that income also.  I believe that is correct anyway.


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## fulldraw74 (Sep 19, 2012)

Been there, done that...... Get an Attorney and as mentioned earlier there are alot of things at stake other than child support and alimony. Address EVERYTHING in the divorce papers you can possibly think of (living arrangements, child support should child decide to live with the other parent, moving out of state, visitation, insurance on the child, medical bill costs, etc...) Its not as easy to come back and change it later down the road.....Good Luck.


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## Mac (Sep 19, 2012)

fulldraw74 said:


> ,
> 
> medical bill costs, etc...) .



Co-worker, got hit with a huge cosmic surgery bill, 
X decided teenage daughter needed a nose job & boob job,

This was not even his biological daughter and he had no prior approval rights, before this was done.

Dot every I and cross every T  !!!!!!!!


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## Hunterforlife (Sep 19, 2012)

After waiting and listening to all the "get a lawyer" advise, I finally listened to a suggestion from a good friend of mine and decided to use a service called Legal Shield. I paid $17.00 (yes...  $17.00 not $300/hour that most lawyers charge) and was talking to a REAL (not a paralegal) Family Law lawyer right here in Atlanta for over an hour reviewing my divorce papers.  Every question I had was thoroughly answered.  It gave me the peace of mind and the knowledge to make the right decisions.  I still had to hire a lawyer to represent me in court however; through Legal Shield I was able to reduce this cost substantially.   

Since that time I have continued to use Legal Shield ($17.00/month with no obligation) for all of my "legal questions" ~ no matter how large or small.  They did my Will for free, they reviewed my contract when I bought a car (and saved me money by telling me about the dealers fine print charge for a prep fee), they gave me advise when I lost my job and my company was giving me a hard time about paying my year end bonus, they wrote a letter to my dry cleaner when they returned a shirt all torn up and said it was "not their responsibility", they took care of me when I got a speeding ticket on 95S (paid a small court fee and NO POINTS) and the list goes on and on....   

If you want more information on Legal Shield PM me.  For me it was worth the time investigating.  

Good luck and God Bless.


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## Phoelix (Sep 21, 2012)

Thanks Hunter,  calling them now......


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## grouper throat (Sep 21, 2012)

Good deal. 

Mine was 4k when it was all done and he was suppose to be the best divorce lawyer in Tallahassee. He didn't drag it out but hers did and it ended up the small-town cheaper rate lawyer charge her 1.5x more than mine did.


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## trial&error (Sep 24, 2012)

only advise is learn from this and don't get remarried.


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## Nannyman (Sep 24, 2012)

grouper throat said:


> Good deal.
> 
> Mine was 4k when it was all done and he was suppose to be the best divorce lawyer in Tallahassee. He didn't drag it out but hers did and it ended up the small-town cheaper rate lawyer charge her 1.5x more than mine did.



You use Tony Bajoczky,  Grouper throat?

Phoelix
Get an attorney. Ask another attorney who is the meanest nastiest (Woman) they know and hire her. Dont skimp. It will save you money in the long run. Your divorce will never be civil. Dont give her a dime till its over. Trust me. Trust your attorney.

John


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## Miguel Cervantes (Sep 24, 2012)

Nannyman said:


> You use Tony Bajoczky,  Grouper throat?
> 
> Phoelix
> Get an attorney. Ask another attorney who is the meanest nastiest (Woman) they know and hire her. Dont skimp. It will save you money in the long run. Your divorce will never be civil. Dont give her a dime till its over. Trust me. Trust your attorney.
> ...



AND, when your soon to be x-wife finds out you have retained this attorney she will play nice, want to come back and make up, get you to let your guard down and promise you the moon. Then about a month later she will have enough ammo on you to call checkmate and put the screws to you and your bank account.

IF divorce is a certain, enter it and don't look back, and don't fall for her tactics, regardless of how innocent they seem.

It sounds harsh, but I have seen it happen all too many times to good friends of mine with a soft spot in their heart.


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## hobbs27 (Sep 25, 2012)

It sounds like we all divorced the same woman, amazing.


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## HD28 (Sep 25, 2012)

When a woman  decides to be done with you and wants to move on to another, it ain't enough just for her to split from you, but to utterly destroy you and hopefully the rest of your life. Fight hard, fight quick and never look back!!!


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## drenalin08 (Sep 30, 2012)

hd28 said:


> when a woman  decides to be done with you and wants to move on to another, it ain't enough just for her to split from you, but to utterly destroy you and hopefully the rest of your life. Fight hard, fight quick and never look back!!!



amen!


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## ted_BSR (Oct 9, 2012)

Phoelix said:


> She's agreed to 1800 per month, and half of my income taxes....has made it clear she does'nt want my 401k or IRA...If we have this written up, me pay for the attorney fees, and the mediator signs off on it, is it automatic for the judge to agree? Or can the judge modify it if he/she feels like it?  Im thinking even with a good lawyer, Im not gonna get off this easy....what do ya'll think?



If it is No Contest, then YOU STILL NEED A LAWYER!

I wish the best.


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## Streetsweeper (Oct 10, 2012)

21 yrs ........ save your money and work it out, just my opinion.


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## southernboy2147 (Oct 10, 2012)

if it cant be worked out until the child is at least 18, i would hire a lawyer. get joint custody, make her get a real job to pay her own bills. just my .02


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