# Divorcing with wife after 13 1/2 years (GREAT NEWS)



## frdstang90

Guys I am going through the worst time in my life right now. Last Thursday my wife told me we were seperating after  over 13 years of marriage.  I am dumfounded.  I didnt even see it coming.  What is even worse we have a 9 year old boy.  I think this is harder than when I lost my dad at the age of 15.  I just kept asking why and she said she couldnt do it any more.  I know it isnt someone else.  My son and I spent the weekend together and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks what the problem was.  I have been neglecting them by not spending the time with them as a family as I should have been.  I have always been working alot at a car dealership trying to support them and then when I am off I am usually hunting or at the dirt track races or doing something I enjoy.  I just wish I could of got my head out of my tail sooner and saw this.  I have asked her for one more chance and she said no.  Guys if you will please pray that if it be in the Lords will that we can work this out.  Also to everyone else out there dont make the same mistake I have.  You can do everything you can to support your family but some of the simplest things you take for granted (like them always being there) dont do that.  Treat every day with your family like it is your last day.  I am like the song now I didnt realize what I had until it was gone and I really do regret that.


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## Ta-ton-ka chips

Does your county have a family court and maybe offer mandatory counseling?

Get a good $$$ lawyer

Good luck in a tough situation where nobody wins


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## Jranger

Thank you for the reminder, we could all use a good slap in the face to bring us back ot reality once in a while. 
Prayers sent up...


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## trckdrvr

frdstang90 said:


> Guys if you will please pray that if it be in the Lords will that we can work this out.



Prayers sent.

And you may not be ready to hear this but when you get ready to stop blaming yourself...you will realize it takes 2 people to make a failed marriage....at least you were willing to keep trying and she quit on you!

No offense to her but...marriage is a team and ....she quit.


Sorry,you aren't ready probably for to much honesty...

nevermind...but will say a prayer for you.

Good luck/keep your head up..never let'm see you cry(specially your son)...take it with dignity...and move on.

Then your next job is to become rich/sucessful and make her regret the day she ever let you go!

oops..sorry..there i go again


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## Ta-ton-ka chips

Nice post, Trckdrvr


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## Lorri

Prayers sent for you, your son and your wife.  As trckdvr said in his post "you will realize it takes 2 people to make a failed marriage....at least you were willing to keep trying and she quit on you!  Don't blame yourself.  

Keep you faith - take all your worries to God he will help you through them - don't give up.  Get in with a good church - church family will help you through your difficult times - go to Sunday School, church and see if they have groups classes that people are going through the same thing and start attending classes. 

There is always hope as well that it is only temporary and that she
will be willing to work something out and not get the divorce.

Most important thing put your son first through all this because he will feel the pain of this to.


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## Paymaster

Sorry to hear of your problems. My Prayers are added.


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## frdstang90

Thanks Trckdrvr.  I hadnt really thought about it like that.  I am just old school I guess.  When I said those vows I really meant them and the til death do us part I really meant for it to be like that.   I have really tried to live my life like I should and treat my marriage like I thought it should be but sometimes I guess you just make mistakes.  It is just bad when the simplest and easiest part of the marriage is what you take for granted and foul up on.


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## sweatequity

*Let her go*

when a woman is done there done.  If you pursue her she will grow even further apart.  Almost 85% of divorces are filed by women.  All you can do at this point is work on you.  I believe in free will.  You cant make someone change and you cant make someone love you.  I would get into counseling for yourself.  Most men like to be tough, show her you care by changing you. Give her space and if she feels she is better off so be it.  It does take two to make it work and you cant just blame yourself but who really wins when you assign blame? 

I am speaking from prior experience and it takes some time to heal and I wish you the best!


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## JuliaH

Sometimes just some time apart will help both of you. Of course mistakes are made... they are made in all relationships, but if you can keep out of divorce court and just use the separation to let both of you get a second wind... maybe.....

I don't agree with "ever let anyone see you cry".... right now is a tough time and your family may need to understand how bad this hurts... 

Don't quit on your marriage until the day the judge drops the gavel on it... things have a way of changing...

This did not happen in a day, and won't be fixed that quickly either, but you and your wife and child are in my prayers!

Been there, done that, don't want to repeat... too hard!

Julia



frdstang90 said:


> Thanks Trckdrvr. I hadnt really thought about it like that. I am just old school I guess. When I said those vows I really meant them and the til death do us part I really meant for it to be like that. I have really tried to live my life like I should and treat my marriage like I thought it should be but sometimes I guess you just make mistakes. It is just bad when the simplest and easiest part of the marriage is what you take for granted and foul up on.


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## frdstang90

Thanks Julia, I really appreciate it.  It is nice to hear the thoughts of our female friends out there also.  I have been trying to be strong and not let my son see how upset I have been because I dont want him upset.  It is going to be hard enough on him the way it already is.


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## Free Willie

If I were you, I'd sell the cars, sell the toys that you have collected for yourself and SHOW that woman she is the most important thing in your life. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain in this situation. I'd want to die if I couldn't see my kids everyday and I dang sure wouldn't want them calling someone else "daddy". Desperate times call for desperate measures and you'd better figure this one out quick or you will be an every other weekend dad and all alone for 12 days out of 14.

I have seen this happen with a bunch of my buddies. It's all play time for them and they spend all the family's time and resources on hunting and fishing and cars and what not and leave the wife and kids at home. What did you expect her to do? Sit at home and wait on you?

Let this be a lesson to some of you other rascals out there. 

You had better act fast and get on the stick, buddy. Sorry to be blunt but it had to be said. Then if she takes you back...love on her and that youngun Big Willie Style.

Willie


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## Goatwoman

*Prayers*

Prayers are sent.  As Luckylady has said " get involved in church if you are not already. " The two of you can go talk to the pastor.  Prayers are sent.


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## frdstang90

Goatwoman said:


> Prayers are sent.  As Luckylady has said " get involved in church if you are not already. " The two of you can go talk to the pastor.  Prayers are sent.



I have been going but here lately she hasn't.   We had been trying earlier to find a church that we could go to as a family that we all enjoyed but we havent really found it yet.  I went to a church that some of her family went to and it just didnt feel right so I went back to my home church that I grew up in.  There is a preacher there that has been there for the last 10 years but is just doesnt feel right there either.  I have got a lot of elders there that I love very dearly and looked up to as I was growing up but something just isnt right there I dont feel.  I tried another church yesterday that my aunt and uncle are members at and just felt as if a huge burden had been lifted.  They have got a huge youth group there like my church used to have and I feel as if this is where we need to give a try as a family.  I took my son with me last night and he really enjoyed it.  I just hope I can get my wife to maybe talk with the preacher there.


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## RATTLER

PRAYERS SENT 
Eric love like a brother let me know what i can do


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## Bobhica

Man, in all honesty, you need to prepare yourself for the worst in this situation, because with children involved it always gets worse before it gets better.  Our thoughts are with you, and I hope things work out for the best in the end!


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## crackerdave

Prayers sent,brother.
 I have a son-in-law who is headed for the same thing if he doesn't change his ways real soon and stop spending all his free time playing with his buddies.


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## frdstang90

rangerdave said:


> Prayers sent,brother.
> I have a son-in-law who is headed for the same thing if he doesn't change his ways real soon and stop spending all his free time playing with his buddies.



Rangerdave, If he is a member on here have him check out this post.  I started the post for really 2 reasons. #1 were for the prayers because my family really does need them but also for the reason if there is someone else out there that is making the same mistake that I have been that maybe they can see and realize it before it is too late.  This is without a doubt the hardest thing I have been through.


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## gapeach

*Same type situation....sent you a PM*

sent you a p/m...

Me and my husband have recently been having problems as well.  I explained a little more in the PM....but I will share these words with you that my dad said to my husband...."You can't make someone love you when the love is gone but you can't make them hate and resent you".

You can't change how your wife feels now.  Make sure your son knows that he is the most important thing in your life.  Let him see that you did not give up on his mother....Also, kids have a way of turning things around and blaming themselves.  Watch him and make sure he does not do this....kids are very flexible and he will bounce back....Best wishes and good luck.


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## frdstang90

Friends I appreciate the pm's so much.  You guys and gals are just like an extended family and right now that is really helping me through this tough time.  If you could also pray for my grandma right now too, she was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia so she needs the prayers.


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## BRIAN1

I pray everything works out for you and your wife. Don't give up. Divorce is to common these days.


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## jp328

*Good luck*

It is good that you can see what you have done wrong. If you end up not working things out with your wife, you will be a better person for your next one. I am a way better man for my wife now because of the divorce from my first. 

I love my life now and I wouldnt have it if I was still married to my first wife. 

Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.


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## magnum62

I know that it is hard. I went thru somewhat of the same thing 17 years ago (after 10 years of marriage). It still has it's aftereffects. Life does go on.  Realize that it does take 2.  Recognize your mistakes and do the best you can to make amends. Plan for the best, but prepare for the worse. Also don't rule out any possibility as far as she is concerned.  In short be wise as a serpent, but gentle as a dove.
 I wish you and your family the very best.


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## NoOne

Prayers sent


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## Georgiagirl

prayers added for you and your wife but also your grandmother


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## SelahV

get this book asap.   Maximize Manhood. Edwin Louis Cole

an awsome movie you two should go see.    FIREPROOF. its @ the dollar movie its a chiristian based love story that will change hearts.
i pray she will give you an opportunity to take her out and that the Lord will change the 2 of you.



Father you see this family in which you greatly delight because you 
unction unity from the beginning i pray in the name of your Son JESUS that you will grant the wife and the husband dreams confirming the two to stay with one another with a heart of a fresh  
reborn again marriage. i pray the two will be in total restored love.
agape love in Jesus Mighty name. i pray for the kid as well i pray for a blanket of peace to rest upon the minds and hearts and there gaze will be upon you to work this out. amen


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## atgolfer

It's not over yet... Go out and rent or buy the movie Fireproof. If  you can watch it together or separately but by all means both watch the movie.  check out this website:
http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/

If you can, get the book the Love Dare that goes with movie.

this is not the magic bullet but will get you going in a good direction.


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## frdstang90

Thanks for all the prayers folks and keep them coming.  I am working on a new best friend (my wife).


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## Mrbowdeadly

Been there....

Had a girlfriend who i had children with.  We were babies having babies.  When we split, I sat on the floor and cried because I was losing my family.  Eventually the pain eased, although slowly.  I realized it was doomed and neither of us was really happy.

     I went on and met my wife that I am still with today (ten years).  She is awesome.  We have LOTS in common and do almost everything together, except hunt.  She even suggested that we go fishing for our honeymoon.  I have two more children with my current wife.

     Each relationship teaches us volumes.  What we want, don't want, need.  Some things are deal breakers, some things we just put up with because we love someone.  The lessons learned from this, if it comes to divorce, will be invaluable in making another relationship blossom and flourish.

      Either way, know your child.  I gave up on my aspirations at an early age to stay near my children.  They are 16 and 17 now and I love them and they love me.  She moved on and settled down with a nice guy whom she has been with for a long time too.   In the end, for me, No regrets.  Remember these stories can have happy endings, although that is real hard to see right now.

     Be true to your heart,
     Jay


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## vin-man

First off, prayers sent.
 Been there also, 32yrs.married, and came home from work to a totally cleaned out house, less my fishing and hunting stuff. I opened the door and my dog was sitting in the middle of the livng room floor with the what the____  look on her face. I had to open her can of food that night with my pocket knife. Two days later I totaled my car on the way to work. Life really stunk back then, but I bounced back and you can too. This happened in 2001 and after living alone for four years, I met a great woman and finally got married again. I swore once was enough, but life sometimes has a strange sence of humor. I truly am happy now, and looking back, it may be for the first real time ever. I have not seen or heard from my ex since 2001, and hope she found whatever it was she was looking for, and is happy with her new life. Keep your chin up, and know everything happens for a reason.Just as it takes two to make a good marriage, the wrong two can make a marriage go bad.


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## gapeach

Dont forget...."Fireproof" is available today......


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## frdstang90

I was able to watch Fireproof with Jayme Sunday afternoon.  It really hit home for us both.  It is amazing how someone can make a movie that hits that close to home.  All I can say is the Lord is really working.   We had started talking as friends and on Friday night and Saturday night went out as friends.   We have talked more since Friday (in person and on the phone) than we have in the last year to each other.  We are taking it slow and as friends but I have a really good feeling about where this is heading.  This past weekends dates brought back feelings that I had forgot about.  We have really opened up to each other and discussed a lot of things that we have kept bottled up.   Also the Love Dare book is awsome.  I am on day eight and it has really been a blessing.  Keep on with the prayers and hopefully I will have even bettery news later.  Thanks


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## rjcruiser

Just caught this thread.  That is awesome that God is working on you and your wife.  Thanks for your testimony and prayers sent for you and your wife.  

btw, read James 1.  It is always an encouraging passage to read when you are feeling down.


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## contender*

My wife and I went through a tough time several years back, close to the same type thing you guys are going through. You CAN work through this situation. I had to change a lot of things in my life and the way I treated my wife and kids. She also had to do a little priority adjusting, because like  someone else posted, it takes two. It's easy to get "lazy" in your marriage. Ya'll keep trying.


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## frdstang90

Alot of you know me as jayme eric's wife I just wanted to let everyone know how strong the power of prayer is. God has really been working with eric and I. I just wanted to tell everyone what a wonderful caring husband I have. I am thankful that God has worked with both of us and has helped us with the problems we were having. I am grateful to each and everyone of you who sent up a prayer for us. Today I decided to go home and make a fresh start with the man that I love so dearly, I just wanted to share with each and everyone of you how God needs to be put #1 in any marriage and it will work. God bless you and thank you. 

Jayme


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## Lorri

frdstang90 said:


> Alot of you know me as jayme eric's wife I just wanted to let everyone know how strong the power of prayer is. God has really been working with eric and I. I just wanted to tell everyone what a wonderful caring husband I have. I am thankful that God has worked with both of us and has helped us with the problems we were having. I am grateful to each and everyone of you who sent up a prayer for us. Today I decided to go home and make a fresh start with the man that I love so dearly, I just wanted to share with each and everyone of you how God needs to be put #1 in any marriage and it will work. God bless you and thank you.
> 
> Jayme



Jayme ,

This is awesome news and happy you guys are working it out.  God does do awesome things in a marriage.  I don't know if you have watched fireproof yet - I have heard it is an awesome movie - haven't seen it yet - but will buy it when it comes out - read the book and it is awesome - also Dare Love is awesome as well. Take any problems you have to God he will help you through them.  Keep God first in your marriage that is the number one key to a  good marriage.   God Bless you both.


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## Goatwoman

*Awesome !!!!!!!!*

Amen !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is so great !! Still praying for ya'll.


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## doublelungdriller

frdstang90 said:


> Alot of you know me as jayme eric's wife I just wanted to let everyone know how strong the power of prayer is. God has really been working with eric and I. I just wanted to tell everyone what a wonderful caring husband I have. I am thankful that God has worked with both of us and has helped us with the problems we were having. I am grateful to each and everyone of you who sent up a prayer for us. Today I decided to go home and make a fresh start with the man that I love so dearly, I just wanted to share with each and everyone of you how God needs to be put #1 in any marriage and it will work. God bless you and thank you.
> 
> Jayme



AMEN.

good luck to you both.


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## Gaswamp

Great news!


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## 01Foreman400

Glad to hear the great news.  Keep up the good work.  Prayers sent.


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## JuliaH

I am so glad to hear this...!!    



> Today I decided to go home and make a fresh start with the man that I love so dearly, I just wanted to share with each and everyone of you how God needs to be put #1 in any marriage and it will work.


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## Rays123

just caught this thread but good luck brother everything sounds like its gettin better slowly prayers sent for ya


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## MudDucker

Awesome news!


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## gapeach

I am so glad that the two of you are working on your relationship....good luck and best wishes.  Continue talking to each other....you have to rebuild that lost relationship/friendship.


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## Milkman

PM sent


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## Jasper

Prayers sent!


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## frdstang90

Well guys it looks like it  has took a turn for the worse.  I am expecting to be served papers next week.  I have done everything possible and have just ran out of options.  I would just ask you to pray that the Lord will burden her heart and for her to realize what she is fixing to do.


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## Bigcountry30662

Stang prayers sent and hope yall get it worked out.


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## gapeach

Thoughts and prayers are with you.  I totally understand what you are going through....


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## Handgunner

Y'all are in our prayers.


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## Toddmann

Just remember in the movie fireproof you watched he was on day 43 of a 40 day book and kirk cameron said who says I have to stop. I want to encourage you to seek to please the Lord thru everything you do and do not let her reactions to what you are doing alter your walk with the Lord. Only the Lord can change a man and then the Lord can use that man's walk to change others like a spouse or friend. Thoughts and Prayers directed toward you, your wife and your situation..


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## Gaducker

gapeach said:


> sent you a p/m...
> 
> Me and my husband have recently been having problems as well.  I explained a little more in the PM....but I will share these words with you that my dad said to my husband...."You can't make someone love you when the love is gone but you can't make them hate and resent you".
> 
> You can't change how your wife feels now.  Make sure your son knows that he is the most important thing in your life.  Let him see that you did not give up on his mother....Also, kids have a way of turning things around and blaming themselves.  Watch him and make sure he does not do this....
> 
> 
> 
> kids are very flexible and he will bounce back....Best wishes and good luck.





No kids are not flexiible, they are impresionable, I am 38 yo and I remember it like it was last night, I was 7 when my mom and dad had it out and split up, then they spent the next 5 years fighting over me. Till my mom finally beat my dad down enough to the point of giving up custody, because he could not or would not pay child support, It dont matter to me if he could or could not pay it he should have never givin up and my mom should have never pushed it that far. I blame both equally and dont have that much to do with either one at this time. But thats my problem isint it?   Anyway DO NOT think because a kid is young it will be ok.  I would do anything or give up anything to keep my family together, so my kids would not have to experince anything like I did.  I said a prayer for your family in Jan and again today. Hopefully something will change for you.


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## DS7418

frdstang90 said:


> Well guys it looks like it  has took a turn for the worse.  I am expecting to be served papers next week.  I have done everything possible and have just ran out of options.  I would just ask you to pray that the Lord will burden her heart and for her to realize what she is fixing to do.



 Find another woman and don't look back..You gave her a fair chance. The End.


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## frdstang90

Gaducker said:


> No kids are not flexiible, they are impresionable, I am 38 yo and I remember it like it was last night, I was 7 when my mom and dad had it out and split up, then they spent the next 5 years fighting over me. Till my mom finally beat my dad down enough to the point of giving up custody, because he could not or would not pay child support, It dont matter to me if he could or could not pay it he should have never givin up and my mom should have never pushed it that far. I blame both equally and dont have that much to do with either one at this time. But thats my problem isint it?   Anyway DO NOT think because a kid is young it will be ok.  I would do anything or give up anything to keep my family together, so my kids would not have to experince anything like I did.  I said a prayer for your family in Jan and again today. Hopefully something will change for you.



I know as bad as it is on me it is even worse for Eli.  I have been trying to make him feel ok and tell him how lucky he is to have a mom like her.   I have been making sure he is in church.  He was out of school sick 2 days last week (Jayme thinking sinuses) and he had to be picked up today.  I really know what is going on (with school)but she doesnt want to believe it.  She says she is not being selfish and she loves our son very much.  I am not saying I doubt that,but she needs to put her feelings aside and look at the other one that is an innocent bystander in this and didnt ask to be put in the situation.


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## Dixie Dawg

frdstang90 said:


> I know as bad as it is on me it is even worse for Eli.  I have been trying to make him feel ok and tell him how lucky he is to have a mom like her.   I have been making sure he is in church.  He was out of school sick 2 days last week (Jayme thinking sinuses) and he had to be picked up today.  I really know what is going on (with school)but she doesnt want to believe it.  She says she is not being selfish and she loves our son very much.  I am not saying I doubt that,but she needs to put her feelings aside and look at the other one that is an innocent bystander in this and didnt ask to be put in the situation.



I know you are in a tough situation and believe me, I have been there before.  But sometimes there are things that just can't be fixed.  People grow apart, feelings change, and sometimes those things can't be replaced or mended.  If she is truly unhappy and has tried to  make things better, then an amicable separation could very well be the best thing for all of you.  I'm sure that you would not want your son to have to live in a household where there is constant unhappiness and tension.  And that is no way for you or her to live, either.  Life is much too short.

Please don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that God can't repair relationships.  I'm saying that sometimes he just doesn't.  No matter what my religious beliefs, I have never been a supporter of staying together for the kids.  I watched my own mother do that when I was a child... she told my dad that she wanted a divorce due to his drinking and adultery when I was 9, and then ended up staying with him for the sake of me and my sisters.  Then, 15 years later, a week before their 25th wedding anniversary, he left her for another woman.  Five months later she died of cancer.  Alone.  After having given up her own dreams and hopes to follow his, and for us kids.  I wish she would have left him when she said she was going to and maybe found someone who was better suited for  her instead,  and been happy in those last 15 years.

Anyway, sorry for going off on a tangent... all I wanted to say was that it is not always best to stay somewhere that you are just not happy.  There is no reason why your son can't have you both as part of his life even if you and she cannot work things out to stay married.  If it is truly God's will for you to be together, then surely it will happen.  But if not, perhaps God has a better plan for you up his sleeve.  He certainly did for me... the demise of my first marriage was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me, even though at the time I thought it would kill me.

Keep your chin up and let your son know he is loved and that you are always there for him, no matter what happens with you and his mom.


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## Randy

My wife and I made it through the worst possible situation anybody could have IMO.  It can be worked out if both of you are willing.  Prayers for your son.


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## MustangMAtt30

Don't give up.  

God picked your wife for you.  Eat humble pie.  Cast your ego aside.


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## Lorri

Will she go to counciling with you?  What about your church family can you both talk to someone in your church family or your preacher to work through it. What about the Love Dare Book have you both tried that.  So many people these days are having trouble in their marriage - stay strong turn your worries over to God and he will help you through them.  Also churches have a divorce care/separation group that can help you through this as well. Put Eli first he is the most important thing in the marriage.  It does effect children - some will not show it now and others will and it maybe later on down the road that they do.  

Prayers for you, your wife and your son.  Remember God has a plan for each and everyone of us - take it to God and he will help you through it and lead you down the right road.


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## frdstang90

MustangMAtt30 said:


> Don't give up.
> 
> God picked your wife for you.  Eat humble pie.  Cast your ego aside.



I have done everything I know to do.  When she came back for a couple weeks I did everything, wash clothes, washed dishes, cooked, picked up around house.  I mean everything and I was willing to keep doing it and liking it if it made her happy.   There is not one thing left that I know I could do to try and make it work I have tried everything.


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## Big Texun

frdstang90 said:


> I have done everything I know to do.  When she came back for a couple weeks I did everything, wash clothes, washed dishes, cooked, picked up around house.  I mean everything and I was willing to keep doing it and liking it if it made her happy.   There is not one thing left that I know I could do to try and make it work I have tried everything.



Then keep doing it until you are tired of doing it... then do it some more. Maybe God will change her heart; maybe He won't... but, some day when your son is old enough to understand, you'll be able to look him squarely in the eye and say, "Son, I gave it my very best."


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## frdstang90

luckylady said:


> Will she go to counciling with you?  What about your church family can you both talk to someone in your church family or your preacher to work through it. What about the Love Dare Book have you both tried that.  So many people these days are having trouble in their marriage - stay strong turn your worries over to God and he will help you through them.  Also churches have a divorce care/separation group that can help you through this as well. Put Eli first he is the most important thing in the marriage.  It does effect children - some will not show it now and others will and it maybe later on down the road that they do.
> 
> Prayers for you, your wife and your son.  Remember God has a plan for each and everyone of us - take it to God and he will help you through it and lead you down the right road.



I have tried to get her to go to counseling with me, without me, go see the preacher with me and without me, the preacher even called her and she told him she wasnt ready to talk to him.   She told me she couldnt even talk to her mom about this.  I got the Love Dare book and am on day 31 currently.  I am going  day by day religously.  We watched Fireproof together and 2 days later she came home for a week.  Then she told me it still wasnt working so I went to my moms and have been there for 2 weeks.  Last week I went and bought her the Love Dare and was told that it made her mad when I did.  On day 3 I asked her about the dare and she said she didnt have to do it day by day she could just do the ones she wanted to do.  On Friday night she decided to go to a local bar and club with a female friend to eat only.  I had a problem with that because to me that isnt somewhere to go when you are trying to work on a troubled marriage.  It just feels and seems to me like I was the only one really trying to make it work and if I am wrong I wish someone would let me know.


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## DROPPINEM

I just found this post.Let me start by saying that if you truly feel that you have done every thing that you can so that one day you can look back on it and tell your son that "daddy tried",then it is time for you to tighten up the boot straps and get on with life and tell her thank you for making you a wiser man.Women can be difficult to understand at times....but so can men.Don't spend a lot of time thinking what you did wrong or what you could have done better.You have beat yourself up enough over this.You are in the right direction with church,fireproof and the book.If she went out with a friend to a bar and a club to "eat" (club food is nasty and expensive) then she has given up on you it is time to give up on her and make it a point to somehow show your son once a day that you love him more than anything in this world(including huntin,fishin and racin)...........I have been having problems with my wife as well and everytime the D WORD gets brought up all i can think about is my little girl calling someone else daddy and it kills me.But if he is nine and you let him know that he is your everything and you spend every minute that you possibly can with him then you dont have to worry with that.Just remember that it is just you and him now and do what you have to to make his and your life better than it is now or has ever been.......Get a darn good lawyer even if you have to sell some toys to pay for it...PRAY,PRAY AND PRAY.HOPE I DID NOT MAKE YOU MAD IT IS JUST MY OPINION.


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## ellaville hunter

i have been where you are. not sure if you want to hear this but you cant make someone stay. sometimes it is just over. man up sorry for being so blunt.


----------



## btt202

There is life after DIVORCE!!! 13 1/2 years and started over after being a single parent 3 year Happier than ever!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Rays123

if it comes down to it you may just have to move on without her. as bad as it may sound sometimes thats just wat you have to do.youll still have your kids and staying in church would be a really great thing for you and your son. prayers sent


----------



## short stop

man  you are beating  yourself  up ..   From  what Ive read   this  woman  doesnt care  about you anymore   and the harder you try  the worse you will  fail .. She  just  going to get sick of you . Shes  going out / dinners /clubs  ..  You cant control  it    so  you  need to let  her go .  

- this  entire  deal  sounds like a    1 sided  effort  bud ..
    ..  start   putting forth an effort  to  see the  future ''BIG PICTURE   '' not  harping   on   the past .


----------



## Milkman

You may not think so right now, but the best days of your life can be ahead of you.  You will no doubt meet someone one day that will make you want to thank your ex for letting you go

Most important thing to do now is to not do anything to harm your relationship with the child or your ability to care for him financially. Do right by him, and make sure you keep your self respect high. The rest will work out.


----------



## Lorri

frdstang90 said:


> I have tried to get her to go to counseling with me, without me, go see the preacher with me and without me, the preacher even called her and she told him she wasnt ready to talk to him.   She told me she couldnt even talk to her mom about this.  I got the Love Dare book and am on day 31 currently.  I am going  day by day religously.  We watched Fireproof together and 2 days later she came home for a week.  Then she told me it still wasnt working so I went to my moms and have been there for 2 weeks.  Last week I went and bought her the Love Dare and was told that it made her mad when I did.  On day 3 I asked her about the dare and she said she didnt have to do it day by day she could just do the ones she wanted to do.  On Friday night she decided to go to a local bar and club with a female friend to eat only.  I had a problem with that because to me that isnt somewhere to go when you are trying to work on a troubled marriage.  It just feels and seems to me like I was the only one really trying to make it work and if I am wrong I wish someone would let me know.



You can't go at it alone - it takes two to make a marriage work.  It takes two people to want to have a marriage.  The Love Dare Book should be done in sequence - can't pick and choose what part of the book you want to apply to the marriage.  I being a woman myself don't feel married woman or married men should be at bars without their spouse - you are only asking for trouble.  Now going with friends to a club for a party or celebrating something is a different story but still think your spouse should be invited.  Don't beat your self up over this either - it isn't your fault - like I said it takes to people to make a marriage and it takes two people to end it.  Like I said earlier hook up with a divorce care/separation care group if you can that group can help you through what you are going through and help you help your son through it as well.   They have website on the internet as well  and have
emails that they can send you on a daily basis.  Just keep praying and asking God to guide you with what you should do next with your life.


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## frdstang90

Guys she really stuck me in the back today.  She posted on her myspace page that "She will never be loved half hearted again"  As if I wasnt hurting enough that really gets me because I Love that woman with all my heart and always will.  I just cant understand why she would say something like that.


----------



## Lorri

frdstang90 said:


> Guys she really stuck me in the back today.  She posted on her myspace page that "She will never be loved half hearted again"  As if I wasnt hurting enough that really gets me because I Love that woman with all my heart and always will.  I just cant understand why she would say something like that.



When you are hurting you tend to say things you really don't mean - don't take it to heart.  Don't let it get to you - you be the better person and not let it get you down.  Don't read her myspace don't do things to intentionally make you feel worthless.   You are reading Love Dare - you know these things that it will and can be a one way street  but it will make you a better person whether she responds to it or not.  Find something to do to keep you busy - hang out with your son take him to the park or hang out with your friends so you are not thinking about it all the time.

Think happiness even though I know it is very hurtful and hard to do right now - as my favorite saying is  "Don't rain on my parade".


----------



## rjcruiser

frdstang90 said:


> Guys she really stuck me in the back today.  She posted on her myspace page that "She will never be loved half hearted again"  As if I wasnt hurting enough that really gets me because I Love that woman with all my heart and always will.  I just cant understand why she would say something like that.



Man...that hurts.  But it is probably because she felt like you loved her half-heartedly for the past several years.  

Just keep praying...just keep letting her know that you've changed...prove it to her.  Prove it to your son.  May the Lord give you the strength to get through this trial.

Read the book of James.

Prayers sent for you and your family.


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## stefan carter

*keeping faith*

keeping faith in the lord is the most important thing he will not put no more on you than you can carry he knows what he is doing in your life i will pray for you and your family


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## frdstang90

I still need your prayers, I think this is getting harder than easier.  I have asked the Lord to take this burden off me and point me in the right direction but I am still  absolutely miserable.  I cant get any relief.  I know he wont put any more on you than you can stand but I dont know how much more I can take.


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## Medicine Man

frdstang90 said:


> Well guys it looks like it  has took a turn for the worse.  I am expecting to be served papers next week.  I have done everything possible and have just ran out of options.  I would just ask you to pray that the Lord will burden her heart and for her to realize what she is fixing to do.



What in the world. She was on here the other day saying how much she loved and cared for you. Very sorry to hear this. You may want to relook at the other man in her life thing.


----------



## Milkman

frdstang90 said:


> I still need your prayers, I think this is getting harder than easier.  I have asked the Lord to take this burden off me and point me in the right direction but I am still  absolutely miserable.  I cant get any relief.  I know he wont put any more on you than you can stand but I dont know how much more I can take.



stang,

Not to dispute you but, The Lord didn't put this on you, she did. 

One day soon you will wake up and all this mess wont be on your mind, it wont be gone, but it wont be all consuming like it is now. Get involved in something, anything to occupy your mind and hands.

You will be OK and the best is yet to come.


----------



## Lorri

Milkman said:


> stang,
> 
> Not to dispute you but, The Lord didn't put this on you, she did.
> 
> One day soon you will wake up and all this mess wont be on your mind, it wont be gone, but it wont be all consuming like it is now. Get involved in something, anything to occupy your mind and hands.
> 
> You will be OK and the best is yet to come.



Totally agree with Milkman.  Get involved in something to keep you busy - keep God number one in your life.  Contact divorcecare group - they are on the web as well - it will give your encouragement and find people that are going through the same thing to help you through this.

Keeping you in my prayers.  God will be there for you the whole way believe in him.


----------



## redneckcamo

*yep*



short stop said:


> man  you are beating  yourself  up ..   From  what Ive read   this  woman  doesnt care  about you anymore   and the harder you try  the worse you will  fail .. She  just  going to get sick of you . Shes  going out / dinners /clubs  ..  You cant control  it    so  you  need to let  her go .
> 
> - this  entire  deal  sounds like a    1 sided  effort  bud ..
> ..  start   putting forth an effort  to  see the  future ''BIG PICTURE   '' not  harping   on   the past .



cold ,hard truth mann .....its over an time too move on too your future !!!   dont sulk !! look up an let God find you a mate !!!  In a year or so you may have the warmest ,cuteist,sweetest gal you ever met sitting beside you watching t v an eatin popcorn an laughing !!!


----------



## crackerdave

I agree with others: Get far away and start over.
Let your kids know you love them - they will be better off with one happy parent than two unhappy ones.
Still praying - that God will give you the strength to do what needs to be done.


----------



## Rays123

i know my brother joined a gym when he got his divorce and it really helped him through it. when he would get mad or frustrated he would go work out and it helped him deal with it. just something to think about. plus it would help  with the health part bc lord knows this is taking a great toll on the body and mind. more prayers sent your way


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## hevishot

pop her off at the leader and get your baits back in the water...sorry bout your situation and hope things work out for the best for all involved.


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## frdstang90

I have tried to do things to get my mind off it.  I just cant get away from it.  I went and shot a 3d bow  shoot the other weekend at Gainesville and shot terrible because my mind just wasnt in it.


----------



## DouglasB.

Ok brother... I know EXACTLY what you are going through.

My wife and I went through a phase where all we did was fight. I KNEW it was due to our drinking, however at the time, she didn't want to hear that. She told me she wanted a divorce, and that she didn't love me anymore, and that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, and more and more and more knives through my heart. I thought it awas going to kill me. We DID agree that we would have marriage counseling, and tried the friendship thing, like you did. I thought everything was getting better at first. Only a couple of weeks went by and she was sleeping in another room again. Pretending for my sake that she was trying. We worked at the same place and one morning in particular we had to be at work extremely early. I tried to wake her up and she wouldn't budge. She said she'd texted our boss to tell her she wasn't coming in. I tried to grab her phone to read it, and it was the first time she'd ever told me "No, you can't see my phone". This made me very very nervous, and after asking her to see it about a million times she gave in and handed it to me. Where I found text messages to one of my best friends. They had never had a physical affair, but DEFINATELY very emotional. 

During our problems she had turned to him and her turning to him had developed a sense of connection. Needless to say I left. Three conversations took place that day. Me and him, him and her, her and me. Within two days she called begging me to come home. When I got there her mother and father were there. I sat down to listen to what she had to say fully intending on leaving as soon as she was done. She poured everything out onto the table. Even though during our initial problems she'd swore there wasn't someone else, she didn't realize that her longing for him to swoop her away WAS someone else. 

Reasoning behind my posting to you... Your situation seems WAY too familiar. While there very well may not be someone else, there is definately someone feeding her mind with negativity. And probably telling her all the things she wants to hear. Unlike some of the other folks that have posted to you... people DO NOT just fall out of love. Love doesn't just dissapear. People are swayed one way or the other due to outside influences. I promise you... you have someone or someones working HARD against you. It may be family or friends... either way... she wouldn't have turned from what she posted here last month to one month later telling you to go away again unless someone was whispering the wrong things in her ear.

My situation now.... After everything went down it took MONTHS and MONTHS to fully forgive her. I told her I didn't know if I'd ever be able to forgive her. She swore to me that day she would apologize everyday for the rest of her life if thats what it took to keep me. She told me she had read the bible that day for the first time in a long time and knew exactly what she needed in her life. Now... she hunts, fishes, and shoots a heck of a lot better in bow tournaments with me. We are inseperable. We have only two friends that is another married couple. We haven't had a drop of alcohol since September. We have our arguments, but nothing that isn't solved in 30 minutes or less. She is my best friend and I am hers. I don't do anything unless I ask her to go with me first, and 9 times out of ten, she goes. The same is said on her end. We never did have marriage counseling, and even though thats a great idea, I don't feel that we need it. It was an easy fix to a problem I didn't even know I had.  (As I had told her, I refused to sign papers until we'd gone through counseling and she could still say she didn't love me anymore.) Once the real problem was revealed, it was all easy from there. 

Find the real problem. Don't listen to these people that are telling you to give in and move on... Don't let their own unhappiness dwell on you. If you haven't been served yet.... DON'T give up....

A seperation is the WORST thing a couple can do, because it is nothing but outside influences working against you.


----------



## MustangMAtt30

DouglasB. said:


> Ok brother... I know EXACTLY what you are going through.
> 
> My wife and I went through a phase where all we did was fight. I KNEW it was due to our drinking, however at the time, she didn't want to hear that. She told me she wanted a divorce, and that she didn't love me anymore, and that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, and more and more and more knives through my heart. I thought it awas going to kill me. We DID agree that we would have marriage counseling, and tried the friendship thing, like you did. I thought everything was getting better at first. Only a couple of weeks went by and she was sleeping in another room again. Pretending for my sake that she was trying. We worked at the same place and one morning in particular we had to be at work extremely early. I tried to wake her up and she wouldn't budge. She said she'd texted our boss to tell her she wasn't coming in. I tried to grab her phone to read it, and it was the first time she'd ever told me "No, you can't see my phone". This made me very very nervous, and after asking her to see it about a million times she gave in and handed it to me. Where I found text messages to one of my best friends. They had never had a physical affair, but DEFINATELY very emotional.
> 
> During our problems she had turned to him and her turning to him had developed a sense of connection. Needless to say I left. Three conversations took place that day. Me and him, him and her, her and me. Within two days she called begging me to come home. When I got there her mother and father were there. I sat down to listen to what she had to say fully intending on leaving as soon as she was done. She poured everything out onto the table. Even though during our initial problems she'd swore there wasn't someone else, she didn't realize that her longing for him to swoop her away WAS someone else.
> 
> Reasoning behind my posting to you... Your situation seems WAY too familiar. While there very well may not be someone else, there is definately someone feeding her mind with negativity. And probably telling her all the things she wants to hear. Unlike some of the other folks that have posted to you... people DO NOT just fall out of love. Love doesn't just dissapear. People are swayed one way or the other due to outside influences. I promise you... you have someone or someones working HARD against you. It may be family or friends... either way... she wouldn't have turned from what she posted here last month to one month later telling you to go away again unless someone was whispering the wrong things in her ear.
> 
> My situation now.... After everything went down it took MONTHS and MONTHS to fully forgive her. I told her I didn't know if I'd ever be able to forgive her. She swore to me that day she would apologize everyday for the rest of her life if thats what it took to keep me. She told me she had read the bible that day for the first time in a long time and knew exactly what she needed in her life. Now... she hunts, fishes, and shoots a heck of a lot better in bow tournaments with me. We are inseperable. We have only two friends that is another married couple. We haven't had a drop of alcohol since September. We have our arguments, but nothing that isn't solved in 30 minutes or less. She is my best friend and I am hers. I don't do anything unless I ask her to go with me first, and 9 times out of ten, she goes. The same is said on her end. We never did have marriage counseling, and even though thats a great idea, I don't feel that we need it. It was an easy fix to a problem I didn't even know I had.  (As I had told her, I refused to sign papers until we'd gone through counseling and she could still say she didn't love me anymore.) Once the real problem was revealed, it was all easy from there.
> 
> Find the real problem. Don't listen to these people that are telling you to give in and move on... Don't let their own unhappiness dwell on you. If you haven't been served yet.... DON'T give up....
> 
> A seperation is the WORST thing a couple can do, because it is nothing but outside influences working against you.




Best post on this thread.  Like I said in an earlier post......Don't give up Stang!!!!


----------



## Goatwoman

*Prayers*

Prayers are sent !!


----------



## Colonel K0rn

*Well said!*



DouglasB. said:


> Find the real problem. Don't listen to these people that are telling you to give in and move on... Don't let their own unhappiness dwell on you. If you haven't been served yet.... DON'T give up....
> 
> A seperation is the WORST thing a couple can do, because it is nothing but outside influences working against you.



The key to making any relationship work is communication. My wife and I had a rough spot in our marriage about 6 years ago, and DouglasB hit the nail on the head when he said that when you are separated, you will seek solace with those people who tell you what you want to hear. Not to sound cliche', but misery does truly love company.

A pastor friend of mine counseled me during our trial. He told me "There is no testimony without a test." God will get your attention when your eye is not on his will. You'll have problems with your finances, intimacy, work, whatever you place higher on the scale than your attention to Him. He told me that sometimes it takes a huge slap in the face to get your attention. Without going into my own details, my daughter was born as a product of this trial, and my wife and I are closer than ever. We realized that we stopped communicating.

We sought counseling with a therapist, who helped us pinpoint the problem areas that we had. We realized that we needed  each other to work through these problems, not to beat down the other for their downfalls/shortcomings. 

In any marriage, it's going to take BOTH of you to make it work. When we got married, it no longer became what our own personal wants and needs were, but what we could do to provide a loving household for our children. Don't let your own selfish desires usurp your parental responsibilities to your children.

Best piece of advice that was given to me prior to marrying my wife was to always treat her as I did when I was trying to woo her.  Still works to this day.

Prayers go out to you buddy!


----------



## jawja_peach

*Bless your heart!*



frdstang90 said:


> Guys I am going through the worst time in my life right now. Last Thursday my wife told me we were seperating after  over 13 years of marriage.  I am dumfounded.  I didnt even see it coming.  What is even worse we have a 9 year old boy.  I think this is harder than when I lost my dad at the age of 15.  I just kept asking why and she said she couldnt do it any more.  I know it isnt someone else.  My son and I spent the weekend together and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks what the problem was.  I have been neglecting them by not spending the time with them as a family as I should have been.  I have always been working alot at a car dealership trying to support them and then when I am off I am usually hunting or at the dirt track races or doing something I enjoy.  I just wish I could of got my head out of my tail sooner and saw this.  I have asked her for one more chance and she said no.  Guys if you will please pray that if it be in the Lords will that we can work this out.  Also to everyone else out there dont make the same mistake I have.  You can do everything you can to support your family but some of the simplest things you take for granted (like them always being there) dont do that.  Treat every day with your family like it is your last day.  I am like the song now I didnt realize what I had until it was gone and I really do regret that.



*When I started reading the next few comments under your starting comment I almost fell off the couch. How come so many people are just telling you to throw the towel in and get a good lawyer. What ever happened till Death do us Part?? Now I'm not saying go killer, gosh don't take it that way (some on here would think that's what I meant!) Why do people give up so fast?? Marriage is a life long commitment. I don't understand a couple not trying to work it out, but OMGosh, there's a lil'n in the middle, and that makes it even more difficult. And being 9, he's old enough that this is going to be very hard on him. 

My advice is to go to her and tell her you realize what you've done, and you'll do what ever it takes to keep your family together. Try to get her alone somewhere special to you all... like where you went to eat your first date. Or a special place where you first kissed. Then tell her your so sorry and you want the relationship back that you had ___(when ever???).  I hope it's not someone else, because if a woman does give up, 99% of the time it's because she hasn't been getting any attention at home, and low and behold, here came Jo and he's really started wooing her. Giving her 110% of attention. I CAN'T STAND HOMEWRECKERS!!! Male of Female. 

I WILL BE IN PRAYER FOR YOU! IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE SHE WON'T, GIVE ALL THAT ATTENTION TO YOUR SON. THROUGH THAT SHE MAY SEE THE CHANGE.



Peach~*


----------



## 01Foreman400

You and your family are in my prayers.  Hang in there buddy.


----------



## Medicine Man

He hasn't been back.


----------



## TREXBOWKILL

Stang, I have said a prayer for you and your family. Please do not give up!! Keep trying, keep talking, keep praying, keep searching.  If your wife is willing to fight for your marriage, then you should.  If you job has EAP (Employee Assistance Program), then USE IT!!! EAP offers free counseling, legal advice, etc. If you job does not offer EAP, then make sure you get in a support group, your Pastor can help with this, but do not give up. Lay your head on your pillow every night knowing that you did the best you could to make yourself a better person for you wife and marriage.

Now, if your wife has completely checked out of your marriage, then you need to protect yourself........not to be greedy or mean, but to insure that you can take care of yourself for you and your child.  I am speaking from experience, get a good lawyer, be aggressive, be legal, but not necessarily fair.  If you come out better than your wife in court, you can (and should) provide a better life for your child. This is very likely he hardest thing you will ever do in your life, it is going to get worse before it gets better...........but it WILL get better. You should re-read all of the post here and notice how many people say that they have never been happier.  I am one more of the happy folks has had to earn my happiness and I appreciate every minute of it, and you will too. God bless you.

TREXBOWKILL


----------



## Retired Army Guy

I was in the military 20 years.  Very hard life.  Very hard on a family & Wife.  I lost 2 wives(divorce) in 20 years.  Each time I thought this was the end of the world. All I can say is if you keep your faith in God it will be all right.  It may not turn out the way we want it to but it will be all right.  I don't know your age but when I was first told this it made little sense to me.  The older and wiser I get the more sense it makes.


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## frdstang90

Well friends I am throwing in the towel.  I have done absolutely everything I can possibly do to make it work.  I reckon she thinks the life she wants is one out with her friends clubbing and having a good time.  If you would pray for me because I need all the help I can get to help me through this time of healing and especially pray for Jayme to be safe and the Lord to watch over her  because their is a 9 year old boy that needs his mom.


----------



## deerehauler

frdstang90 said:


> Well friends I am throwing in the towel.  I have done absolutely everything I can possibly do to make it work.  I reckon she thinks the life she wants is one out with her friends clubbing and having a good time.  If you would pray for me because I need all the help I can get to help me through this time of healing and especially pray for Jayme to be safe and the Lord to watch over her  because their is a 9 year old boy that needs his mom.



My prayers go out to you. I know what you are going thru my wife of 3 yrs is doing the samething and I believe I will be throwing the towel in myself.  I have a 17 month old in my case and i have him every week friday thru monday cause she wants time to herself.  She takes car of him after daycare on tuesday - thursday and i think that is only cause I work midnights or he would most likely be with me then too.


----------



## Leasehunter

*Prayers and Blessings for You*

There is support, their are caring people .... just believe.  Your heart may have skipped a beat but for the Love of God....you are still breathing.  I pray extra ordinary favor by the extraordinary Beloved to turn your being into brighter days.

My husband and I just watched fireproof and we are doing a counseling book called Marriage Fitness.. plain and simple just making time for each other.  I keep praying for closer bond and open communication for us to grow in love again with each other with a refreshed attitude.  We are planning a romantic weekend- part of the book .  Buy any type of Marriage book and take it to your wife and ask her if she would like to read along with you because you would love to learn how to communicate to her and to give it a try- by the book- to grow closer together.  Thats what I did with my husband and I got a yes, I'll try and now I see hope again.  Thanks be to God


----------



## oakey

frdstang90... I pray for you to take the time to listen to God and his plan for you, for your son the understanding that this has nothing to do with him and for the families\freinds involved that they can be supporting this marriage and not tearing it apart. 

I ask that you remember the years that you neglected your wife and family. Don't relive them...but know that you must now be the greatest man you can be for as long as it takes... ask the lord for the strenght. She may do things that hurt you now but chances are in time (not weeks) Jayme will take responsibility for her actions.


----------



## hoyt84

Sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out for the both of yall! No matter what the out come is im certain you will look back one day and be thankful this happened. Sometimes we dont understand why things happen they way they do but we have to realize the Man up stairs knows what he is doing.

Prayers sent
Good luck and God bless!


----------



## swamphawg

Brother,
I'm so sorry. My heart weeps for you. Cast your cares to Jesus, because he cares for you. My brother just went through something very similar and trust me, it broke our hearts, but the Lord is faithful and He does not forget those He loves. Cry out to Him and He will give peace and comfort that are beyond all understanding. I'm praying for you and your family.


----------



## shoot

I hate to read this.  My thoughts and prayers are you with you and them.  Seems like I'm hearing this same kind of thing more and more lately.  I hope you're still able to have a good relationship with your son; he'll need you now more than ever.


----------



## shortround1

frdstang90 said:


> Guys I am going through the worst time in my life right now. Last Thursday my wife told me we were seperating after  over 13 years of marriage.  I am dumfounded.  I didnt even see it coming.  What is even worse we have a 9 year old boy.  I think this is harder than when I lost my dad at the age of 15.  I just kept asking why and she said she couldnt do it any more.  I know it isnt someone else.  My son and I spent the weekend together and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks what the problem was.  I have been neglecting them by not spending the time with them as a family as I should have been.  I have always been working alot at a car dealership trying to support them and then when I am off I am usually hunting or at the dirt track races or doing something I enjoy.  I just wish I could of got my head out of my tail sooner and saw this.  I have asked her for one more chance and she said no.  Guys if you will please pray that if it be in the Lords will that we can work this out.  Also to everyone else out there dont make the same mistake I have.  You can do everything you can to support your family but some of the simplest things you take for granted (like them always being there) dont do that.  Treat every day with your family like it is your last day.  I am like the song now I didnt realize what I had until it was gone and I really do regret that.


hey  guy, dont't beat yourself up. these things happen. i was married for 35 years and my wife fell in love with a fat, bald, guy that smokes. go figure. i thought i would die in october, now i found out my shrink was right. she is a 55 year old divorced woman, i am a 57 year old bachlor, my stock went sky high. things will get better, trust me.


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## MudDucker

swamphawg said:


> Brother,
> I'm so sorry. My heart weeps for you. Cast your cares to Jesus, because he cares for you. My brother just went through something very similar and trust me, it broke our hearts, but the Lord is faithful and He does not forget those He loves. Cry out to Him and He will give peace and comfort that are beyond all understanding. I'm praying for you and your family.



Couldn't say it better myself if I tried ... times 2!


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## Lorri

God is here for you and will be with you through it all.  I know it is hard to be strong right now but you can be strong with God's help.   Give God all your worries and don't worry about them anymore.    I have had to learn this to - because I worry a lot but have since turned all my worries over to God. Life is to short to worry - choose happiness - that is what I am doing from now on. 

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.  

I still recommend you check out divorcecare.org - it is not just for divorce people it will help you with separation as well - ask your wife to check into as well.   I know about this from our church.


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## sundowner

hey know what you are going thru .my wife after 14 years  2days before my b-day ask me 2 leave  . been 2 months she says she confused .it is hard  like every1 is saying just keep praying.  i will for u and do so for me in return


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## spraynpray

Run, Forest, run!!!!!!!  It is way past time to get the heck out of Dodge.


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## frdstang90

Guys and gals just wanted to give an update.  Even though things dont look good for me and Jayme I have been praying for her to get right with the Lord.  Well he is working.  Yesterday I went to the early service and she went to the later service.  Well later on yesterday she texted me that church was great and she had got a lot out of it.  Last night I found out how great it was for her, she went to the alter.  I cannot explain how HAPPY this makes me.  If everyone would just keep praying for her and me and that the Lord would bless us and show us what direction he wants us to go.  Thanks Eric


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## Lorri

frdstang90 said:


> Guys and gals just wanted to give an update.  Even though things dont look good for me and Jayme I have been praying for her to get right with the Lord.  Well he is working.  Yesterday I went to the early service and she went to the later service.  Well later on yesterday she texted me that church was great and she had got a lot out of it.  Last night I found out how great it was for her, she went to the alter.  I cannot explain how HAPPY this makes me.  If everyone would just keep praying for her and me and that the Lord would bless us and show us what direction he wants us to go.  Thanks Eric



Will continue  to keep praying for you all.  God has away of making things right no matter what is the outcome - just keep the faith and stay focused on God and he will help you through it.   God doesn't have a time frame to make things better or work things out took time to get in this situation and will take time to get out of it.


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## WishIwuzhuntin

I just went through it.  Had surgery the first Monday of November.  Wife of almost 11 years informed me she was leaving that Friday.  Our divorce was final Jan 22 on my 37 B-Day.  That wasn't good enough.  She is on a mission to convince everyone of the lies she convinced herself of.  If you want to know who your true friends are-just get divorced.  I have a nine year old daughter.  My daughter told my wife that she wanted to be with me every weekend.  And I was fortunate enough to be able to spend a lot of time with her.  Recently I lost my job and had to take a job working night shift 10-12 hours 5-7 days a week.  It has reduced the time I get to spend with her.

Keep close to God in prayer.  You survive.  I'm not gonna paint a rosey picture-it's tough.  As a friend of mine always says-"tough times never last-tough people do."  

My heart goes out to you.  The family is the fundamental unit of the Church.  The Devil knows it, and his time is short.  It is my opinion that he fans the flames of selfishness and that is the source of most marriage downfalls.  

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers-and please do the same for me.  Some days I know, someone, somewhere is on their knees on my behalf-otherwise I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed.  You are not in this alone.  This board and some of the great people here are a help and encouragement as well.  It helps me to read about the plights of others, because it keeps me from sinking into a pity party.  I am humbled when I consider the trials facing some of you.  I realize that my problems are small.

May God richly bless you all.

David


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## RATTLER

Eric prayers sent bro


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## vanguard1

keep living for the lord eric, and God will bless you, i know if you keep jesus as lord he will put it back better than it was before, a lot of women want to spend time with their husbands more than a lot of money, my wife and i both work but we keep it at 45 hours or less, i feel if i can,t make a living in 40 hours a week ,then im in the wrong job.i lost my first wife and kids because i was never around, i found out that my time was worth more to her than my money.


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## dennis706

frdstang90 said:


> Guys and gals just wanted to give an update.  Even though things dont look good for me and Jayme I have been praying for her to get right with the Lord.  Well he is working.  Yesterday I went to the early service and she went to the later service.  Well later on yesterday she texted me that church was great and she had got a lot out of it.  Last night I found out how great it was for her, she went to the alter.  I cannot explain how HAPPY this makes me.  If everyone would just keep praying for her and me and that the Lord would bless us and show us what direction he wants us to go.  Thanks Eric




Eric, keep your focus on the Lord and he will do amazing things in your life. Remember when you are down and broken, and find yourself lying flat on your back.. remember to look up, he is there! "Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14


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## Paymaster

Prayers continue ,Eric.


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## pbyles

Sorry for you...but hey, Ive been thru it....would much rather be unhappy for a while and make a better outcome.....that be unhappy forever....

My prayers r with you, your son, and your wife.


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## youngdojo

I tried to read most of what has been sent to you before posting this. Seems like everyone keeps encouraging you to keep going and never give up. I think that is the best thing we can do and I know it from experience. After almost 9 years I told my wife I wanted a divorce (and it was on her birthday). She tried to change my mind, I was head strong, stubborn and stuipid. I left my wife my 6 y/o daughter and 7 y/o son for another woman. I was stationed at Fort Rucker at the time and would be going to Fort Lewis Washington in a few months. It was after being in Fort Lewis for several months that I got the actual decree of divorce in the mail. I though I would have been happy, I sat in my living room floor all night crying and looking at pictures of my family that was 3000 miles away and by the way the other woman stayed in Alabama. Botom line is my wife and I kept talking, she kept praying and 1 year to the day almost after I walked out on her and my kids we got re-married and 4 days later I went to Afghanistan for 15 months. We are in church and doing fine now, Praise God, sure we have bad days, but we never give up no matter what because god put us together for a reason. Good Luck and God Bless You


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## Forgiven

Eric, From what I here from your last post God is at work. Let Him do His work in you as well as Jayme. Me and my wife have been married for 30 years. When we got married someone very wise gave us a picture that say's "It take three to make a marriage work".

In todays world satan is out to destroy our homes. Be strong in the Lord and He will defeat satan in everything that comes your way. You may not always understand why things have got to happen. But believe me our trials make us stronger. The Lord has a greater purpose for you and Jayme. It's up to both of you to find out what that is. If you allow Him to show you He will.

Believe me when I say, the times me and my wife pray together we feel closer than ever before. I have got to admit we don't do this as often as we should. But just reading what you are going through makes me want to pray with her more. Satan is around every corner seeking who can be his next victom. There must be three in order to battle what comes against us each and every day. We can't face this world alone. When you join hands with your spouse and carry on a conversation with God there is nothing that can harm you. There is power in prayer.

My prayer for you and Jayme is I rebuke the hold that satan has on this marriage. I pray that all the chains of sin be broken and that The Lord will restore what once was. Satan is a defeated foe and nothing can change that. Jesus won that victory on the cross. Amen


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## Trucksr4girls

WishIwuzhuntin said:


> If you want to know who your true friends are-just get divorced.
> David



truer words were never spoken.


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## Phoelix

*GOD WON (Success story)*

Our story begins in June of 2007, when I allowed "the enemy" (Satan) to lure me into his world of marital destruction.  We had been married some 15 years or so, with 2 kids, age 8 and 14 at the time. I began attending bike rally's on my new bike, and fell for his trap like a hungry rat. I ended up sleeping with the first lady after becoming addicted to e-mailing her up to 35 times a day (heavy addiction)...I had told this lady that I would divorce my wife in a couple of years, and she offered to wait, I told her no, to move on, which she did. Now addicted to having e-mail connections and affairs, I pursued another woman, who fell in love with me, and saved every e-mail I had sent her, that had all the details of the affairs, and threatened to send them to my wife. Well, she snapped, and sent them, and my wife found them in June of last year. Our family was devastated, and my wife destroyed, as she threw family portraits at the walls. This put me in shock, as I emerged into reality..the reality that I had just lost my family. I immediately went into shock, and drove to my mothers house in Acworth, where I wept uncontrollably for hours. I was at the end of my rope, the end of my life, and fell to my knees and surrendered my life to God. At that instant, I felt a warm envelopment of my heart, and a massive weight being lifted from my soul. I fell into a deep sleep, and was awakened the next day by my cell phone ringing...It was my wife, and she just wanted to talk...I told her of my experience with God, and she told me she could see in my face, the experience. We talked for hours, which was very painful to us both, but agreed to let God help us. The programs at our church was instrumental in our reconciliation. I told her that I was at her mercy, that I loved her dearly, and that I would do whatever it took to keep us together.  Last Tuesday, we renewed our vows in a very nice ceremony at our favorite place, the place we met for the first time, the place of our re-conciliation, with our best friends, and are now more in love than ever. We still have a way to go, but rely on God now, instead of other avenues of the enemy...If you allow the enemy to destroy your life, he will. Once you become a Christian couple, the target on your back gets bigger, so be ready!


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## catahoularick31

Has anyone heard from him lately?


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## frdstang90

I am taking it day by day and letting the Lord lead me in the direction he wants us to go.


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## ShellShocker

Prayers sent man


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## Jeffriesw

frdstang90 said:


> I am taking it day by day and letting the Lord lead me in the direction he wants us to go.



You keep listening and following and we'll keep Praying.


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## frdstang90

Well it is true if you turn everything over to the Lord and allow him to show you what you need to do and what path he wants things will work out for the best.   Jayme and I along with Eli have been going to church as a family, doing things together as a family and things have been going great.  Jayme and I seem like we are the closest that we have ever been since we have been married even right after we first got married.  Last night she called her landlord and told them she would be moved out by this coming weekend and she would be coming home.  I just cant believe how GREAT things are.  I appreciate all the prayers, pm's and thoughts, everyone has been so great.  It is definately true if you pray and truely believe God can make anything happen as long as it is in his will.  I feel as if he wants me to talk about what I have been through so if anyone is going through a similiar situation and would like to talk  just send me a pm.  

Thanks so much
Eric


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## allen1932

*Keep the faith!*

Nothing works like prayer. Ya'll will be in my prayers!


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## DRB1313




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## SGADawg

Great news!!!  Ain't God great!   Just remember to keep working at making it work.  You can't relax now or the devil will move back in.  I will continue to pray for you both.


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## chadf

God be with you and your family !


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## Lorri

frdstang90 said:


> Well it is true if you turn everything over to the Lord and allow him to show you what you need to do and what path he wants things will work out for the best.   Jayme and I along with Eli have been going to church as a family, doing things together as a family and things have been going great.  Jayme and I seem like we are the closest that we have ever been since we have been married even right after we first got married.  Last night she called her landlord and told them she would be moved out by this coming weekend and she would be coming home.  I just cant believe how GREAT things are.  I appreciate all the prayers, pm's and thoughts, everyone has been so great.  It is definately true if you pray and truely believe God can make anything happen as long as it is in his will.  I feel as if he wants me to talk about what I have been through so if anyone is going through a similiar situation and would like to talk  just send me a pm.
> 
> Thanks so much
> Eric




Awesome news.  Glad you guys are going to church and doing things as a family.  Power of prayer does help.  It helps for you to pray as well.  Keep asking God for help for both of you.  I will keep you guys in my prayers.  Glad to see she is moving back home.


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## MudDucker

Great news.  God is good!  Keep up the prayers and going to Church as a family!


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## FireFighter101

Great news, that she is moving back home. Now is just as important as ever to keep praying and working at your relationship to keep it strong. Sometimes it is easy to just be comfortable instead of working a little harder and making it great. We'll be praying for you.


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## 41bear

Thats great news, just remember the real work now begins. Whatever happens keeping God first is always the right thing to do. Prayers sent.


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## redneckcamo

WOW ! what great news ..... ! 

CONGRATS MANN !!


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## mattech

*Congrats*

glad yall are working things out, now is he time to kick it in over drive or she will be leavin again in a month. one thing i would suggest for you both to do is the love dare. it is from the movie fireproof. we are doing the class in church even though we are doing good right now marriage is something that you cant go idle on. good luck and I pray that ya'll grow old together.


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## Jeffriesw

frdstang90 said:


> Well it is true if you turn everything over to the Lord and allow him to show you what you need to do and what path he wants things will work out for the best.   Jayme and I along with Eli have been going to church as a family, doing things together as a family and things have been going great.  Jayme and I seem like we are the closest that we have ever been since we have been married even right after we first got married.  Last night she called her landlord and told them she would be moved out by this coming weekend and she would be coming home.  I just cant believe how GREAT things are.  I appreciate all the prayers, pm's and thoughts, everyone has been so great.  It is definately true if you pray and truely believe God can make anything happen as long as it is in his will.  I feel as if he wants me to talk about what I have been through so if anyone is going through a similiar situation and would like to talk  just send me a pm.
> 
> Thanks so much
> Eric





Great news my Friend, Great News. We will keep praying for you and your family


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## Bruz

It's amazing isn't it? 

Congratulations!

Robert


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## MustangMAtt30

Great news.  Keep praying and keep working hard on your relationship.  Don't get back into the rut you were in.


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## hoyt84

Thats great to hear! I hope everything continues to move in a positive direction for you! God Bless!


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## Sargent

Pretty dang cool!


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## Goatwoman

*Prayers*

Amen !!!!!!!!


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## gtparts

Eric, I share your joy. God is truly good.

Now, here is the most important part. The Christian life, especially as it relates to family, is a marathon. From time to time, you will still hit the rough spots...pot holes, big hills, searing heat, crowded stretches of uneven race course. Your strength will not be able to carry you through....only His strength will suffice. The race goes to the one who places all reliance on Him. Do not get smug or complacent, never accept credit for what God has done, and always hold your wife as being more responsible for any accomplishments that together you may have reached. Taking the role of the leader in the family is God-ordained, but giving her a place of honor in what she does and what she contributes to the marriage and the family cannot be overstated for sake of unity. She will need such confirmation from you as you will need confirmation from her also. Build each other up daily.

May God richly bless your family as together you seek to serve Him.

Grace and peace to you and yours.


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## Madman

frdstand90

That is great news!!  My wife and I were getting ready to pick lawyers 15 years ago when God kicked my tail.

It got worse for a while, took 3 years but we're back and it is better than on our wedding night.  If you want to read a good book get                   "God's Blue Print for Men"
                                             Building a Godly Home
                                              By Woodrow Kroll

God is good, and merciful!

If you need ANYTHING drop me a PM. I can send you info that will HELP.


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## Toddmann

Jesus at work SAVING again. Glad your marrage is on the mend. It is amazing what God can do when we take our focus off the problem and put it on HIM!! Would love to hear your testimony and if you ever feel led, my church would love to have you and Jayme come and deliver this testimony. We just had a revival on couples and all the issues and strains todays marriages are under and the sneak attacks the enemy is using to seperate us from God and our spouses. Just send a PM when your are ready to give your testimony so GOD can use you to continue to help His people.


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## roadkill

God is the only way to keep a marriage together!  He designed it to be done his way!  Our way only messes things up!

Glad to hear things are getting better!


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## sailman

*Im sorry to here it FRIEND*

Ill keep you in my prayers, nothing worse than a broken home,( been ther ),GOD bless you all & his will be done , AMEN


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## frdstang90

Jayme, Eli and I went to the 3D bow shoot at Banks Crossing Saturday.  It was Jayme's and Eli's first shoot.  They really enjoyed it.  I know I did, it was the best shoot I have ever been to thanks to my family shooting with me.  God is really AWSOME.


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## chadf

GOD is great, I'm so happy for you and YOUR FAMILY!!!!!


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## muskiehunter

*Prayers are sent for you both..*

Hey I know what you feel and know what you are going thru..  I am in the same boat as you. She wants out of the marriage and not sure why.. It hit me just like it did you.. We were only married for 5 yrs, but that is long time too.  I still love her and pray to GOD that he changes her heart to know what she has and that it is not greener on the other side. Everyone has problems and it makes a marriage stronger to work thru your issues together.  She has just quit the marriage and I have had so much pressure on me, that it is hard to hold it together when discussing it with anyone. I had a friend that GOD spoke thru and we prayed for the marriage to stay whole, but that GOD was in charge of it and if he so chose this divorce than it is for the best. I also prayed that GOD take all the pain and worries off me, cause I have reached my limit. And was not long after praying this, that I did feel GOD take my pain and suffering from me.  I can talk about it, type to you about it and not get choked up anymore. I know GOD has this under his control and we cannot do anymore to change this.  I DO PRAY THAT SHE WILL SEE WHAT SHE IS LETTING GO OF AND THAT GOD WILL OPEN HER EYES TO SEE THAT... You, your wife and son will stay in my prayers.. 

AMEN.


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## Davans

Marriage is a VERB not a NOUN.

It is something you DO not something you ARE.


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## parrothead127

God is good ALL the time!!!


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## brooklyn

*Congrat's!!*

I have just got throught reading all the post here. What a awesome story. Been married for seven years now and have no idea what I would go without my wife, and my two year old daughter. Hope the future holds only wonderful things for you and your family. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers!!


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## zksailfish

are you also doing things with her that she likes. It sounds you are still doing the same things as you have always done. I would also go out of your way to do things she enjoys that you may not.

I amazed that you are able to do anything around hunting with all of the isues you have been having around family time. That is like a gamling addict wife coming back to him and going as a family to play slot machines.

I am not saying you cant ease back into hunting and bow shooting. It just seems to early if she is not into it? Just my thoughst


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## longears

I am going through the same storie after being with my wife for 10 yrs. she said she was not in love with me anymore, like we were friends. I think it is a blessing that the lord has punished me with this tribulation. He has made me realize that he comes first, wife second and me last. it has been a month now that i have surrendered my life to the lord, and through prayer and faith he will see me through. please pray for my wife and i.  god bless all.


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