# Getting closer to God



## kedo (Jul 2, 2012)

About 3 and a half weeks ago, my wife went to live with a friend of hers because I have emotionally trampled on her, due to anger issues and control issues!
This made me realize that I was just going through the motions as a Christian and was not living like I should and never listened to my wife when she would ask me to get help!!! I have started reading my bible and praying everyday and getting help with the anger issues. But I have one problem - I can not seem to let go and let God work on my wife's heart and our marriage!!!!
I really screwed up and hurt the one I truly love and now her walls of defense are up and her heart is hardened towards me!! I know can take care of anything and heal ALL wounds, but I seem to still hold on to this situation and I get mad at myself! I even started doubting my faith!! I understand that my wife and did not get this way over night and it will not get better over night, but come on, I miss her and my daughters SOOO much, it hurts!! I have never felt a true heartache until these last few weeks!!! I have NEVER cried so much in my life and it can be because I heard a song or see something that reminds me of them - and it happens all the time!!!!!
What can I do to surrender it all to Him and patiently wait on the Lord???? How can I get to that point where there is no fear that we will be a family again?? Please?!?! words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated!!!
Thank you!!


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## StriperAddict (Jul 2, 2012)

Anger within us comes from many (false) core beliefs that need time and grace to heal. Whenever we feel our "rights" have been violated in some way we can react poorly.  As a believer, I surrender those beliefs and false set of "rights" nearly daily, or else they can get in the way of walking in the Spirit.
This journey will take a long time, sorry, but that's the truth. Very few of our big issues simply go >poof< and get swept away when we confess them. More than likely, they serve to remind us of our moment by moment dependance on the One who has given His life so that we may live free.  
Do you have a mentor in the faith, pastor or spiritual leader you trust?  Talk to them and share your heart. Many of my victories over anger and the flesh have come by accountability & brother - to - brother confession. "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another... that you may be healed".
Christ has already taken those sins away, lean on Him for the rest.  And rest being that place in Him where even when outside you is turmoil, your inner man knows His presence and peace.

I'd also recommend a support group. "Celebrate Recovery" is a good one, it's Christ centered and does a great job in opening its doors to troubled souls, where the larger church has lacked.

I will be praying for victory in your family, and that you and your wife's heart will embrace forgiveness toward each other.

Peace.


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## SGADawg (Jul 2, 2012)

You are right that it will take time for your wife to trust you again.  The fact that you are admitting your faults in causing problems speaks volumes about your honesty and effort to repent.   Get into Christian counseling with your wife or alone if she won't go.  I'll be praying for your family.


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## kedo (Jul 2, 2012)

Thank you for your prayers, striperaddict and sgadawg!! I need all I can get!!!
I just hope the wife sees my honesty and effort to repent! Have only spoke with over the phone once and also once in person over the last 3 weeks!! It's killing me and I need peace and wisdom.
I am taking ALL this alone time to read God's word and pray to him every day!!
Yes in therapy, but by myself!!


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## Paymaster (Jul 2, 2012)

Prayers from here for you. I would seek out the counsel of a good minister. Not that Prayer and meditation won't help, but another person experienced in your issues will be a great help. May God Bless.


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## CAL90 (Jul 3, 2012)

Prayers have been sent for you and your family


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## NE GA Pappy (Jul 3, 2012)

a couple of suggestions.... or maybe observations.

1. The more you push to reconnect, the more she will withdraw. You will have to show her you are changing and let her move toward you, not you pushing for the thing you want, which is to be with her and your kids.

2. You will have to be a servant to her, doing things she may never ask you to do.  Don't back away from ANY request from her, and don't be late or postpone doing it.

3. You will need to re-win her heart.  What did you do while you were dating that caused her to want to be with you?

4. Your anger and control are rooted in selfishness.  You will have to become a giving person to ever make headway with her.

We will be praying for your family. God bless


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## 01Foreman400 (Jul 3, 2012)

Prayers sent for you and your family.


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## Artfuldodger (Jul 3, 2012)

Pappy said it best, you have to truly change. Don't do a lot of talking or even tell her what you are going to do. Just do it. Be prepared that it might be too late and you will be heart broken. You will have learned from your mistakes.


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## kedo (Jul 5, 2012)

Well said Artfuldodger. Well said!! 

I am at that point where I am preparing for that. Not saying I don't have faith in God to mend her heart and restore our marriage - cause I know he can, if it is His will!!

Thank you.


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## Core Lokt (Jul 6, 2012)

Good advice so far. Don't take this the wrong way but I keep hearing you say God needs to heal her heart......pray that God will heal and change YOUR heart and her's will heal as well along with yours. 

You're in a tough situation and I've been in your shoes before. I was a controling person at one time and it almost cost us our marriage. You have to really change and stick with it before she will return. You can't change for a "little while". Pray often, stay in God's word and pray some more. Giver her space and time and then see if she will go out on a date with you to talk. You already siad it, if it's His Will your family will be together again and I pray that will happen, I really do.

I'll pray for you and her and God Bless.


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## speedcop (Jul 7, 2012)

Remember one thing. If God decides to reunite the two of you, he will do it in his time frame, not yours. Be prepared to pray hard, be patient, and like the others have said, action not just words. Good luck my friend, in his name we pray for you both.


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## kedo (Jul 11, 2012)

Thank all for your prayers. No change in status except I am praying more, learning patience, being still and waiting on God do His will. 
Praying for my heart to continue to change and be filled with the fruit of the Spirit so there will be no room for anger, bitterness or malace!!
Again, thank you for the prayers!! God bless y'all!!


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## kedo (Jul 17, 2012)

Update - the wife filed for divorce. Bad situation but I am a better person and closer to God than I ever have been my entire life!! I will continue to grow closer to Him and become the man God intended me to be!!
Thank you for y'all's prayers!! God bless!!


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## speedcop (Jul 19, 2012)

Sorry to hear. Stay close to God. A lot of us on here have already been down that road and I am living proof that it will get better and your best days are yet to come.


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## HawgWild23 (Aug 8, 2012)

kedo said:


> Update - the wife filed for divorce. Bad situation but I am a better person and closer to God than I ever have been my entire life!! I will continue to grow closer to Him and become the man God intended me to be!!
> Thank you for y'all's prayers!! God bless!!



its not over yet don't give up. keep praying.


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## hummdaddy (Aug 8, 2012)

i'm gonna say prayer can't fix everything...you  need to see a psychiatrist and therapist for your anger issues and outburst...it has helped me and my family


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## ross the deer slayer (Aug 9, 2012)

If you get angry about something, watch a legitimate war movie like Blackhawk Down, Saving Private Ryan or Tears of the Sun.  it helps me think wow I'm angry at this little thing..this tiny thing..and these guys lost 19 of their friends in one day from helicopter crashes, rpg's and terrorist attacks. Those guys had to be terrified attacking that beach or fighting tanks outnumbered 3 or 4:1. .......and i'm getting angry about not getting this chair put together??? About not understanding why my girl friend said something 'mean' to me?  Those are just examples


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## Ronnie T (Aug 9, 2012)

Anger is a deeply destructive tool of war in some marriages.  I've talked with young men who've repeatedly said horrible, vile things to their wife and called them terrible names, then get angry because their wife doesn't immediately forgive them and get all lovie dovie with them.

The wounds of anger are difficult to heal.  Often they will not heal at all.  Many times, the one with the anger issues is Narcissistic.  They don't see the big deal with the wife or husbands outbursts.

I would advise some counseling from a knowledgeable person.
Getting rid of anger issues isn't easy.


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## RReynolds74 (Aug 14, 2012)

First of all, trust in God.  Believe in faith and pray every chance you get.  God hates divorces.  Things are allowed to happen for a reason and this is your chance to make things happen.  Go to Rejoice Ministries.com.  My friend, I will be praying for you and your wife and family.  Again, trust and believe!!


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## BRIAN1 (Aug 17, 2012)

Prayers are sent for you. Stay in God's word and seek him in all parts of your life. He will work things out for your good, but realizing that is difficult. You seem like you are headed in the right direction though. God Bless.

BRIAN1


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