# Pulled my gun on someone



## BoneHunter77 (Aug 11, 2014)

I'm posting this topic to see if I get support, criticism, etc in the actions I took over the weekend. 
Last Friday night my sister-in-law was at our home hanging out with my wife and friends. Her boyfriend and his little kids remained at our guest house (300 yards from our house) that night. She was drinking excessively and became inebriated. I on the other hand wasn't in the mood for alcohol or discussion so I sat in an adjacent room watching preseason football. She's a very loud talker and I overheard her retelling a story and cussed several times. My 2 young boys were in the house and near so I reminded her not to use that language in my house. I wasn't exactly pleasant and she didn't like my tone so decided to pick a verbal fight with me saying she didn't appreciate me talking to her like a child. I did not apologize and kept my stance. 5 minutes later it was over and she dropped it but did not leave the house, kept drinking and was noticeably frustrated with the event.

3 hours later she left to retire to our guest house. The next morning my wife and I took our boys out to breakfast. When we returned my wife said she was going to mow the grass at the guest house and left immediately to do so. My oldest son, 7, went with her. Unbeknownst to me, the boyfriend was furious over what transpired the night before. He swore at my wife and kids and screamed that he wanted me over there right away. My wife informed him I was at the house watching our other son (4 years old). He marched over, banged on the window where I was and screamed for me to come outside so that he could kick my you know what. This was the first I was aware he was upset. I pleaded with my son to stay inside no matter what. I opened the back door, closed it so my son wouldn't fully hear what was said. I stayed near the door though. The boyfriend yelled at me cussing, screaming and was 100% unglued. I've never seen someone that unglued before. I knew right away he was told some exaggeration of what actually occurred the night before.

I asked him to calm down. He insisted I step outside the back porch near the pool. I told him where I was was close enough. That wasn't good enough for him and he proceeded to explode through the screen door with raised fists as he approached me. At this point I drew my concealed gun. I am a CWP holder and was carrying at breakfast and had not taken it off yet when we got home that morning. The sight of the gun kept him from advancing any further on me but it didn't back him down and make him retreat like I'd hoped. He continued screaming and flailing until my sister-in-law (his girlfriend) arrived and pulled him away. They left at that point and vacated our guest house. 

I should mention here that he is 6'3" 250 lbs. I am 5'10" and 170 lbs...clearly undermatched for a hand to hand combat with him. I have never drawn my gun on anyone until now and was surprised at the clarity I had when weighing my options right before I did it. My first thought was if I didn't draw and got bludgeoned and my son came out to help and accidentally fell into the pool he quite possibly would have drowned as he cannot swim. My other thought was if I didn't draw we'd fist fight and he'd likely get the upper hand and my gun would have fallen out or been exposed and that would have been a liability against my own safety. 

As it was I diffused the situation and he ultimately left. No injuries, no deaths, and nobody in jail (cops were not called). I'm now getting completely family fallout (my wife's side) because I drew a gun on the guy. He told his version of the story which I'm certain did not follow what really happened. My wife supports my decision and my own fam support my decision. This was a terrible situation no matter how you slice it but I feel like my actions kept me from having my face rearranged and my son safe. 

My wife and other son came racing home when he returned to the guest house. He swore at both of them and scared them beyond belief. My wife couldn't come home sooner because he and his girlfriend left their kids at the guest house unattended. My wife felt an obligation to watch them hoping I'd be okay. 

Thoughts? Questions? Did I do the smart things? I'm sick over the situation but in reality I feel in my heart that I did the wise thing and defended my safety and my family's safety.

I'm thankful they live so far away because otherwise I'd constantly be looking over my back for this guy to get revenge.


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## speedcop (Aug 11, 2014)

I think you did great given the circumstances. I hope thats their last stay in YOUR guest house.Remember, cant nobody tell you how to hold the cow except the man holding the tail.


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## SarahFair (Aug 11, 2014)

How nerve wracking!

I cant say Id have done much different in your situation. 
You dont know this this guy is under the influence of some kind of substance or not. You asked him to back away from you and to calm down several times, which he wouldnt.


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## whchunter (Aug 11, 2014)

*Report*

IMO I believe you would do well to file a report stating you don't wish to press charges but only want a record in case anything happens in the future.


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## mickbear (Aug 11, 2014)

you should have called the law--no if's and's or but's about it.


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## Big7 (Aug 11, 2014)

I use the 6" 60# rule.

I also have a little age on me (50) as well as some sinus
surgery to my head and face.

So.. Long story short. If you are 6" taller or weigh 60 pounds
more than me you wont see the warning.. Just the flash!

That don't mean I won't take a bat to a drunken fool to
keep from having to kill him.

I would have done the same or WORSE!


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## shdw633 (Aug 11, 2014)

You did fine under the laws of Florida.  You felt your life, and/or the life of your son, was being threatened and you acted accordingly to the threat.  As far as your family goes, you can only give your side of the story and it is what it is.  You stopped a bad situation from getting worse, not only for you, but for him as well.  If you hadn't done what you did then at some point maybe cops would have had to have been called or someone, maybe yourself, maybe him, gets hurt badly, turning harsh words and bad feelings into life changing events.  You stopped all of that by your actions and if your outside family members can't see that then so be it....more turkey for you at Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!


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## StriperrHunterr (Aug 11, 2014)

mickbear said:


> you should have called the law--no if's and's or but's about it.



I'd agree with this. Other than that I'd say you did a good job. If the gun didn't cow him he obviously meant you serious harm. 

I'd consider letting your kin know that so long as she is with him that neither are welcome at your house again, or if they do, there will be no alcohol.


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## Milkman (Aug 11, 2014)

Alcohol and idiots, not a good combination. I bet y'all wonder why you even associated with them, right?

You can do nothing about yesterday, only tomorrow.


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## JustUs4All (Aug 11, 2014)

I probably would have done exactly what you did, but do not be surprised if you get a visit from the law if a complaint is filed for pointing a weapon.  The first person to file a police report is generally assumed  by the LEOs to be the innocent party, at least at the outset.



BoneHunter77 said:


> I should mention here that he is 6'3" 250 lbs. I am 5'10" and 170 lbs...clearly undermatched for a hand to hand combat with him.
> 
> My first thought was if I didn't draw and got bludgeoned and my son came out to help and accidentally fell into the pool he quite possibly would have drowned as he cannot swim.
> 
> My other thought was if I didn't draw we'd fist fight and he'd likely get the upper hand and my gun would have fallen out or been exposed and that would have been a liability against my own safety.



In Georgia to use lethal force and have a chance of not going to jail, one must be reasonably in fear of serious bodily injury or the loss of life for himself or another or in defense of a forcible felony.  If in defense of a habitation the felony does not have to be forcible, but shooting an "invited" guest might not wash well.

In my opinion the first of your three items above should have a valid bearing upon a reasonable fear of great bodily injury or death, but the next two probably do not.


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## mattech (Aug 11, 2014)

I would hate to be in a citation like that, but I wouldn't hesitate doing the same thing. As other have stated, make a police report.


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 11, 2014)

I appreciate the input. And is it too late to make a police report? In hindsight I should have done it right away. 

I forgot to mention one thing. This was only the 2nd time I've ever met this guy. So considering I don't know him and he puts actions to words like he did I could only draw one conclusion and that is that he was planning to inflict bodily harm. Since my 4 year old son was the only witness it'll be my word against his but you could take the evidence (i.e. he screamed profanities at my wife and son and told them his intent for me, his physical actions, etc).


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## Big7 (Aug 11, 2014)

No.. It's not.

Just like a restraining order, first one to file usually wins.

Do it, right quick.

Be prepared for some more "family friction" though.

Rest assured they would do it to you.

PS.. KEEP THIS POST AND TAKE NOTES. MAKE SURE THE STORY NEVER CHANGES!


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## riskyb (Aug 11, 2014)

I'd make a report and request a tpo issued to him


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## T-N-T (Aug 11, 2014)

I feel like you did good.  You stopped him,  he obviously meant to keep coming.  You didnt have to shoot,  but you had the option.  Better to have it out and aimed in time than still in the belt and wishing.  It is your home,  he was not invited.  I would have done the same.


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## Jody Hawk (Aug 11, 2014)

mickbear said:


> you should have called the law--no if's and's or but's about it.



Solid advice!


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## karen936 (Aug 11, 2014)

File a report and get this guy on record. You never
know what he might do later. You did the right thing.


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## T.P. (Aug 11, 2014)

Sounds like a reasonable reaction to me.


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## DAVE (Aug 11, 2014)

File report on him and the sister in-law. Any family or stranger that comes in my home talking trash is no longer welcomed or tolerated. Set example for your kids call the law and stop letting people shack up in your guest house.


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## Eddy M. (Aug 11, 2014)

you did as I would- but need to report it - I would even get a restraining order on him/them just for the safety of you and the family- myself I would be carrying 24/7 for a few days


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## NOYDB (Aug 11, 2014)

BoneHunter77 said:


> accidentally fell into the pool he quite possibly would have drowned as he cannot swim.



Have lil'one taught to swim. Generic universal advice.


Never allow a drunk and associates access again. 

Family is the excuse used by the deranged as to why they should get away for their unhinged behavior.

You did the least needed at time. Good for you.


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 11, 2014)

NOYDB, we plan to get him signed up in swim lessons soon. He's learned a little bit from us but I would never trust him to do it on his own.
Milkman, you're absolutely right. Alcohol and idiots don't mix. This sister-in-law always gets crazy when she drinks. It should be a federal offense when she gets a beer in her hand. And I'd LOVE to know what on earth she told her boyfriend for him to become so unhinged. His actions didn't match the previous night's argument.


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## thc_clubPres (Aug 11, 2014)

where'd they end up going? they still live in the area?


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## Big7 (Aug 11, 2014)

TPO will get him out of your space for a year.

SIL will have probably moved on by then and she
WILL THANK YOU FOR IT!


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## Dr. Strangelove (Aug 11, 2014)

I know this isn't going to be popular here, and I wasn't there, but you should have stayed inside, called the cops and had the fool arrested.

If he insisted on becoming a threat to you or your family, then do what needs to be done.  I'm not saying you did wrong, but from a legal point of view, if you draw a firearm on someone, you best be in fear of your life or great bodily harm.  

Again, I'm not saying you were in the wrong morally, but legally, the very last thing you want to do is draw a gun, even more so shoot someone.  You may win the criminal trial but you may lose everything you have in further civil actions.

If they are such problems, then why invite them to your house to start with?


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## holton27596 (Aug 12, 2014)

Sorry to say, but when he busted thru the door you should have pulled the trigger. Save you from a lot of drama down the road. Now him and SIL need to be given notice to get out of the guest house, after you file a restraining order.


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## NOYDB (Aug 12, 2014)

BoneHunter77 said:


> NOYDB, we plan to get him signed up in swim lessons soon. He's learned a little bit from us but I would never trust him to do it on his own.



Not to be a broken record (I know, so old school) REALLY SOON.

http://www.cdc.gov/homeandrecreationalsafety/water-safety/waterinjuries-factsheet.html


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 12, 2014)

I thought about that option also for a brief second. The reason I didn't (right or wrong) is I wanted to separate my son from the altercation as much as possible while still remaining a safe distance from the guy. Once I drew I was VERY much in fear of my life and well being. 

They were invited for the week/weekend only. We had no clue the guy was like this. I was aware of SIL's tendencies with alcohol and hoped she'd refrain because I was told she wasn't drinking much lately. I guess I was told wrong or she decided to binge while here.

They live 12 hours away so there's small chance for a run in although I admit if he shows his face here he'll be looking for revenge considering it would be such a drive and commitment to come back.

Funny thing is the days before he and I went fishing together, hung out and generally got along fine.



Dr. Strangelove said:


> I know this isn't going to be popular here, and I wasn't there, but you should have stayed inside, called the cops and had the fool arrested.
> 
> I'm not saying you did wrong, but from a legal point of view, if you draw a firearm on someone, you best be in fear of your life or great bodily harm.
> 
> If they are such problems, then why invite them to your house to start with?


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## SarahFair (Aug 12, 2014)

NOYDB said:


> Not to be a broken record (I know, so old school) REALLY SOON.
> 
> http://www.cdc.gov/homeandrecreationalsafety/water-safety/waterinjuries-factsheet.html



I agree. Even an indoor YMCA if it's too cold outside. 
I witnessed a child drowning in an above ground pool next door earlier this year. It wasn't my child but I was and still am affected by the death.  
It's not worth it, it will never leave you.


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## 95g atl (Aug 13, 2014)

I would have done the same thing.  

Amazing how these "people" are at your house and causing issues.  Complete and utter disrespect to you and your family.

Get a restraining order against the BF.
Don't allow them to come back - ever.
In the future, make your property a "dry" property like they do with counties.  NO drinking allowed.  :0)  Some people just can't handle their alcohol.  

my 2 cents.


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## ryanh487 (Aug 14, 2014)

I've known my sister's boyfriend since I was in diapers.  Our dads have hunted and fished together since before that.  And I still probably would have pulled the trigger had I been in your situation.  All it takes is 1 bad hit to break a neck or cause brain damage/death.  My wife's safety and well being is far more important to me than anyone else's life or grief, and if I'm out there's nobody to protect her.


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## Atlanta Dawg (Aug 14, 2014)

Bet you can't wait for Thanksgiving and or the annual Family Reunion !!!  (Nicodemus-My Point being that most likely the original poster will not be able to completely avoid contact with the sister in law.  The boyfriend may or may not be in the relationship down the road-but there is no guarantee-so a resolution needs to be made.  And, as time passes, the wife and sister and their family will perhaps line up against the poster.  This matter remains up in the air and until the air is cleared the incident has the ability to dramatically alter an entire family dynamic.) 

 It is a very good thing that no one was shot-the shooter would be in jail-the thing to do is to file a report as has been suggested and get this in the record as quickly as possible.  It will not simply go away...)


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## Nicodemus (Aug 14, 2014)

On Topic Forum, folks. Serious replies only. This is not the forum to joke around in.


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## sinclair1 (Aug 14, 2014)

Any situation where you get out without killing someone or getting a defense lawyer is a good one. I would focus on what to do now, and try and have the same outcome with that plan.


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## bigelow (Aug 14, 2014)

You did just fine. If it was my sister in law. I would have made my wife talk to her. If that sis not work I would have said parties over. You got to go. As far as her boyfriend is concerned he sounds like he has the mentality a fan ape. I would not regret pulling your pistol out.


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## harryrichdawg (Aug 16, 2014)

whchunter said:


> IMO I believe you would do well to file a report stating you don't wish to press charges but only want a record in case anything happens in the future.



I would agree.


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 18, 2014)

The situation has quieted down since it occurred. Maybe too much? I'm thinking it's the calm before the storm because many here are right. Once holidays roll around this situation will undoubtedly rear its ugly head. We're hoping the SIL is no longer with the guy but who's to say that will be the case. I'm willing to bet however I don't see either of them over the holidays as they don't have the family togetherness most of us are blessed with. 

At some point however this situation will need to be discussed but I think everyone has avoided each other for a bit to let the dust settle first (and emotions too) to avoid finger pointing. I will also say that many in this family hold grudges so I'd be slightly surprised if I'm ever 'forgiven' for pulling out my gun. They'll never admit what I did was the right choice and the choice that kept me and the guy from getting hurt/killed or landing in jail.


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## 95g atl (Aug 18, 2014)

The BF sounds like a piece of work.  
Better to have family hold grudges than to be in a hospital or dead.

Also, as much as I like family...many of that aspect is pure drama.  Close family (like your kids, wife, mother/father) are the ones I appreciate far more than some trash boyfriend that will probably be gone next time around, or a drunk SIL. 

Just my 2 cents.


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## gtparts (Aug 18, 2014)

Sleep well, my friend. 

I can find no fault with your stand such as you described it. I just question the wisdom of allowing drunkenness in your home and allowing an unmarried couple (especially with minor children) stay in your guest house. .
.
As things seem to have been resolved, the question remains, "What have you learned?"

 Family, at my house (no different than guests), "toe the line" set by my wife and me. Kinship doesn't exempt them from common decency and civil behavior.


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## Phillip Thurmond (Aug 18, 2014)

Some of you guys are crazy pull the trigger? Really? Kill someone?
When you carry a gun you have to be extra sensitive to all situations I believe you should have stayed inside picked up the phone call the police only if he broke into your house should you have pulled your gun
I know this is not a popular opinion however shooting someone to death over an argument it's crazy
Also have him move out of your guesthouse he should not be welcome around your home any longer


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## ryanh487 (Aug 18, 2014)

Phillip Thurmond said:


> Some of you guys are crazy pull the trigger? Really? Kill someone?
> When you carry a gun you have to be extra sensitive to all situations I believe you should have stayed inside picked up the phone call the police only if he broke into your house should you have pulled your gun
> I know this is not a popular opinion however shooting someone to death over an argument it's crazy
> Also have him move out of your guesthouse he should not be welcome around your home any longer



Nobody's getting shot over an argument.

He's getting shot at my house because he's a large, enraged man between me and my wife and children and has just forced his way through a door and is threatening bodily harm.


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 18, 2014)

the argument happened the previous night with the SIL. He didn't offer the chance for an argument. He put actions to words and was well on his way to hit me before I pulled the gun. Like I said before, the SIL argument didn't warrant his actions. 

But I love what gtparts says about toeing the line and how family is never exempt from civility. I completely agree.


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## mark-7mag (Aug 18, 2014)

I bet it's gonna feel "real awkward" when the family gets together for the hollidays.


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 19, 2014)

mark-7mag said:


> I bet it's gonna feel "real awkward" when the family gets together for the hollidays.



maybe so but what can be done about that you know? Chances are we won't see them anymore for holidays. Rarely does that side of the family all get together at the same time. It's a big family and fitting everyone's schedules together doesn't typically happen.


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## JohnK (Aug 19, 2014)

First time shame on them, second time shame on you.


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## erog (Aug 20, 2014)

I have one side of a story, but I'm going to ask. Were you willing to shoot him? Were you prepared to drop him dead in front of your family and his girlfriend? Were you using the weapon merely as a threat or would you actually have had the gumption to shoot him?

There's a japanese cartoon about pirates and in one scene one pirate crew is aiming a gun at the captain of another pirate crew. The captain states "guns are for action not for threats" as one of his crewmen puts a bullet through the head of the person threatening him.

What would you have done if the girlfriend was too hung over to pull him back?


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## rayjay (Aug 21, 2014)

I don't see that it's been suggested in a prior post but the PO needs to inform the wife that she, your children and you will never again lay eyes on the SIL.  The extended family [ minus the SIL ] needs to talk about what happened and come up with a decision. If the rest of the family won't ostracize the SIL and support the PO's family then the PO needs to not attend family functions that the SIL will be attending. 

If the SIL wasn't a complete piece of feces she would have not let the boy friend leave the guest house. Most likely she encouraged the idiot boy friend. Avoiding idiots is a wise life decision.


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## rayjay (Aug 21, 2014)

I just had a sinister thought for the OP. Your SIL could be in an abusive relationship.


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## BoneHunter77 (Aug 21, 2014)

well erog, to answer your question yes I would have been willing to pull the trigger had it come to it. If he actually started attacking me I would have pulled. My finger was on the trigger and I was prepared for that. Did I want it to come to that? HECK NO. It's not on my bucket list to take another man's life even if he is a full-blown idiot putting me and my son in harm's way.


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## Spotlite (Aug 21, 2014)

No criticism here


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## southGAlefty (Aug 27, 2014)

Good on you for protecting yourself and family. They wouldn't be welcome at my house anymore.


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## ghadarits (Aug 27, 2014)

If I feel like my health well being are in danger and the person making me feel that way won't back down then I'm shooting first and dealing with the fallout when it comes. 

I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes its just sad that it came to that with family especially considering small children were present.

I can put up with a large amount of crap but the line is there and if its crossed all bets are off.


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