About That Climate Change

Except for irate wives, unreasonable game wardens and “didn’t get in ‘til 3 a.m.” hangovers, nothing affects an outdoorsman’s success more than the weather. And since all hunters and fishermen know this, they are probably concerned about the political and media hysteria surrounding “climate change.”

Let me explain quickly.

“Weather” is short-term local atmospheric conditions, and “climate” is the weather of a region of earth. According to meteorologists and climatologists, weather affects climate and climate affects weather, so they are inextricably linked. Ergo, we sportsmen become somewhat nervous when we are told climate change will destroy our sport, our earth and ourselves within a few years.

Let me put your mind at ease. The whole thing is a hoax. Sort of like when we were told the alligators were becoming extinct. You’ve seen the TV series Swamp People? Or photos of those Lake Seminole and Eufaula monsters in GON?

This climate change frenzy has been going on for decades. It started in the 1970s when we were informed the earth was cooling and another ice age was imminent. Some fishermen who had never used an auger to cut holes in a frozen lake became understandably worried. But when temperatures didn’t fall for 25 years, it was changed to global warming. But there was no increase in the world mean temperature for the next 25 years, so those intent on creating irrational fear switched to climate change and ramped up the rhetoric. See, with the non-specific word “change,” they can’t go wrong. Like when the local weatherman (or weatherwomen, dear feminists) gives you rain chances in percentages. Whether it’s 10% and pours down or 90% and remains bone dry, they can’t be wrong.

Sneaky, huh?

You know that guy who always adds a few antler points to the buck he took or a few pounds to the bass he caught? Well, the climate change advocates can put him to shame. They “prove” their theories with statements like the following: “Hurricanes are increasing!” they screech. There has been no increase in major hurricanes in the last 100 years.

“The Antarctic ice cap is melting!” they howl. It is diminishing on the west side, but growing even more rapidly on the east side. A few years ago, a group of these propagandists chartered a ship to study the “melting” phenomenon on that continent. Their ship got stuck in the ice. The ice breaker that came to rescue them also got stuck in the ice and itself had to be rescued.

“Sea levels are rising!”

For most of the 20th century, sea levels did indeed rise. One-tenth of one inch annually.

“The polar bears are starving and drowning!”

Polar bear populations are increasing even more rapidly than did in the last century and are extremely healthy. They saw film of polar bears swimming from ice floe to ice floe. They didn’t know that polar bears swim. And that’s the way they hunt. You know, to keep from starving. Polar bears are smarter than climate change advocates.

“But the non-polar glaciers are melting!” they squeal. Yeah, just like they have been doing for more than 300 years, since the Little Ice Age.

“But this was the hottest year on record!” they yowl. Sorry, but those figures were manipulated, using some from buildings in New York City. You know, those scores of square miles in the middle of all that concrete and steel and asphalt. In the middle of summer. Like the guy who holds his hands too far apart when describing the catfish he caught, these people lie. Like porch dogs.

Here is one of their favorites: “Carbon dioxide levels are rising!” they caterwaul. This particular gas has increased one one-hundredth of one percent in the past century. Now, I made a “c” in 7th grade math, but I don’t think that’s very much. Besides, we outdoorsmen love trees, do we not? And trees love carbon dioxide. So what’s the problem?

It is enlightening to note the leaders of this movement. Al Gore was one of the first in this century. He has a law degree, nothing in science. He gave many dire predictions over the years, 16 of which were labeled major and profound. All were as wrong as shooting a spotted fawn.

“Long Island will be underwater by 2010!”

“The polar ice caps will be melted by 2013.”

And his doomsday clock predicted I would not be here to write this today and you would not be here to read it. Then there was Bill Nye, The Science Guy. He was selected because he was already famous as a TV personality (for kids shows, parenthetically) Turns out, he was Bill Nye, The Engineer Guy. No degree in any field of science. Finally, we have John Kerry, a career politician who has a degree in, you guessed it, political studies. He’s the guy who flies all over the world in his private jet telling people not to waste energy using things like, well, private jets. Oh yeah, and scolding folks for not reducing their utility bills… yet he owns several ridiculously large mansions.

So what is the point of all this hypocrisy? Three things: Money, money and money. No totalitarian government has ever been established without first redistributing wealth. The climate change people do that on a global scale through membership in the Paris Climate Accords. Their stated goal is the reduction of carbon emissions by the 190 participating countries. We pay billions and billions of dollars annually and donate money to countries that do not produce carbon emissions. A lot of them are our sworn enemies and third-world dictators. It’s like buying a duck stamp and having the revenue go to PETA. By the way, China and India, the two biggest polluters in the world, benefit greatly from their membership and they pay nothing. You do not give the bass tournament trophy to the guy who comes in empty-handed.

On a “local” level, the “green” people are doing away with traditional energy sources to provide money for their friends in the green energy industries. They have lots of friends there. Mostly solar, which is horribly expensive and wind, which is horribly inefficient. By the way, those windmills, which account for only 3% of U.S. energy, kill a half million birds annually. If they are successful in increasing that number to 30%, again, returning to my 7th-grade math skills, 5 million birds will be killed every year. Windmills and solar panels are one thing, but we haven’t even touched on battery-powered cars. Imagine being at your favorite secluded pond and your battery goes dead. All 14 of them.

The thing these idiots neither recognize nor want to be disseminated is that nature produces many, many more pollutants than does man. Most carbon dioxide comes from sources other than man. About 15% is produced by bacteria! Invisible bugs, for God’s sake. There are more than 2,000 active volcanoes busily at work spewing billions and billions of metric tons of carcinogens into our atmosphere. Maybe they can use giant stoppers, like the ones they used to have in cricket cages.

And don’t forget that big star in the sky we call the sun. Its cyclical activity affects earth’s weather and magnetic system (which in turn affects climate) more than mankind ever will. So besides wasting your tax dollars, raising your energy prices, and eliminating your economic choices for no reason, do not think for a minute they will not use this phony crisis to manipulate your game and fish regulations, including seasons and available species and eventually, ending such activity completely. These people are not sane.

Case in point. The catastrophic man-made climate change enthusiasts have proclaimed the two most dangerous and common greenhouse gases that are going to doom us all are carbon dioxide and water vapor. You know, those two elements that humans exude when they breathe or sweat. So all we have to do is quit breathing and sweating. You first, climate change people. You first.

Of course, I will be declared a heretic and climate change denier by those who delight in labeling people who disagree with them.

They don’t have the cognitive capacity to understand that we do indeed believe in climate change. It has been going on since the earth’s creation.

And it will continue long after we are all gone. It’s just that the climate is not going to kill us. And it’s not going to require that we change our economy, our pursuits or our way of life to solve a problem that does not exist.